FirePit of Reasons The Conclusions....

You've read Stories #1-4, #5-7, & #8-10 and if you haven't, well what are you waiting on?

Again, I'm not going to repeat my disclaimer...these are more just stories that embarrass the red off the top of my head and puts it on my face with fits of giggles, but still! They go to prove my point that I belong in a room of bubble wrap, so long as the bubbles can't pop.


This accurately displays what I look like when I try to do anything that involves wheels on my feet. So what if they were my mother's women's size 8 skates I was wearing on my children's size 2 feet, on my grandmother's gravel driveway. I've even perfected this pose wearing perfectly fitting women's size 10 in a skating rink. I mean, SERIOUSLY, how does one really expect a gal with legs twice as long as her torso to keep those things balanced, where they're supposed to be!


I enter this next piece into evidence. Not only do I have photographic proof, BUT it was also published photographic proof - straight into the yearbook of my Junior year of high school. ((In all fairness I was running late for YEARBOOK class, missed the warning at the beginning of class about a specific chair being broke, but because of some clowns the teacher wasn't sure which one, so to check each chair before sitting down... Yes, I'm sure my legs had something to do with it - they didn't hit the brake pedal properly, thus resulting in me running a red light, only to rear end someone a few blocks later because I was freaked out over running the red light.)) Oh...and that pic is front and center, taking up almost half the page of one of the 'fun photo pages'...someone stole the original before I could.


Then of course you have to add in the bits that I don't have photographic proof of, but I'm going to tell you some of them anyways....

About a year ago I'm cooking dinner & watching a movie. Okay, I'll admit, dinner consisted of a frozen pizza, but for the sake of embellishing a bit - because I've embellished absolutely nothing so far, honestly -, lets pretend it's a 5-course meal, complete with home baked bread, self-grown garden veggies for the salad & sides, thick juicy steak, from the cow I'd raised myself and then butchered myself just that morning, and it was all finished off with my double layer chocolate butter cake, complete with cherry filling & topped with chocolate covered strawberries.

Anyways, so the bluebirds that sing to me in my kitchen start their little song to alert me that the deer & squirrels have completed the meal preparations & it was time for me to present the plates to my wonderful family.

I stand up from my position on the couch, take the first step forward....

Go to make the second step...

And then it happens.

I've face planted the floor.

The floor was spotless - no seriously, it really was, I'm shocked, I know, but in the floor's defense it was clean. Brian hadn't even taken off his size 246 shoes yet! (ok, he wears a 14, but still! they're like steel bricks when you stub your toe on them) And I'd actually cleaned the house that day! Or at least the living room, but whatever, point is the bare hardwood floor had NOTHING ON IT. Except me.

I landed pinky first and wouldn't you know it the damned thing swells and won't straighten out...or bend, I can't remember which exactly. And it HURTS. Also? I was wearing jeans. My FAVORITE pair of jeans.

I got a lovely 'rug' burn down my leg thanks to my favorite pair of jeans.

I painfully eat dinner with the family, because that's how we roll...we eat dinner, together, as a family. My hand & knee continue to swell & my face hurts.

We finish eating dinner and decide it'll be in my best interest to get checked out, have some x-rays done, let them re-set my poor pinky finger & assess the damage to my knee.

Turns out all I did was SPRAIN my pinky & skin my knee. My hand stayed swollen for a week. It sucked.


And that, my dear, is the reason we have made the conclusion that giraffe legs + Stephi = just bad news, regardless of the platform, or lack thereof.

(Pic of me when I'd dyed my hair black...hence the reason it doesn't look red or blonde here.)

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EPIC Conspiracy Thingy

So I went to bed, with Brian...Laid there, tossed a bit, turned some, laid there, WILLING myself to go to sleep...after sometime I decided I needed to write this blog post so that I could go to sleep, so this is what I'm doing - writing this post.

See, we recently got all new windows for the house, thanks to our awesome landlords, cause we rent and all that & they're just awesome folks. Anyways, I'd asked the dudes putting in the new windows to just leave all the windows here that they did not happen to break while removing them - trust me there are SEVERAL! Okay, when I say several I mean at least 25, if not more, but they're taking up a whole closet I have down in the basement, under the staircase...and I do mean the WHOLE closet under there.

Anyways, I was drawing out a stained glass panel design for my landlady, because her mother in law makes stained glass panels and occasionally people want something custom done, then they turn to me to draw it out - mainly just names - and I came up with this awesome thing I could use the old windows for that are taking up this space in my basement.

I could PAINT pretty pictures (or whatever) on these windows..then do something with them, maybe even sell them in the shop downtown or in craft shows or things like that, like I do with the other stuff I've done in the past. PURE GENIUS!

Now, I don't have the first clue what I'd charge for such masterpieces things I suppose a lot will depend on how much work I actually put into drawing & painting and all that jazz, but who knows? Maybe it'll profit me enough that I can have some extra Christmas money or something...whatever.

But then I got to thinking about just painting them up for Christmas presents themselves - AWESOME!

Then my brain shifted towards the costs and hassle of shipping such things - 24" square piece of glass in 80+year old wood frame - through the postal system...I'd be a complete nervous wreck.

But then the more I thought about it the more I was sure that I really could get enough bubble wrap and such to make it fairly safe...right? RIGHT!!!???

Then my brain went into thinking about the COST of shipping - fuck, I'm screwed...

But then (and you wonder why I'm having trouble getting to sleep!?) I figured if I did something REALLY EPIC with one of these panels then it'd be absolutely, totally worth it. That pressed me into thinking about WHO I'd feel worthy of such...and I thought of two persons...the first being my baby brother & his wife - BOTH of whom are Marines, with not one, but TWO children (ok, the second one is still not here yet, she's due August 1st, the older one his birthday is August 10 - as in his FIRST birthday is just NINE DAYS AFTER his baby sister is due to make her entrance into this world - O.o - yikes! But I know they're going to totally rock it because, well, they're Marines and Marines just rock! ((Yes, I'm biased, get over it, besides one or two of her sisters live with them to help care for the wee one(s), so it's not COMPLETE chaos!))

But the other person, she's a bit trickier. She reads my blog, so if I'm going to do this as a surprise then I can't share about it...BUT I only know her on social media sites. I know that it's so totally going to rock if it goes according to the plan in my head of what to do, but I'm absolutely CLUELESS how to go about 1-getting her address or 2-actually being able to pay to ship this huge heavy, fragile item to her...so lets just hope that I'm awesome enough over the next few weeks/months to 1 - actually draw out & paint what it is I'm wanting to draw & paint out & it not look like absolute crapola; 2 - I'm able to draw, paint, & sell enough to be able to pay for the shipping of this item; and 3 - shipping it from here to there doesn't cause it to shatter - cause then I'd cry - big, huge, sloppy tears.

So yes, this is what is keeping me up tonight - the worry that I won't be able to do this epic thing that I have in my head to do and that if I do manage to pull it off that it'll be completely destroyed before it makes it to its intended destination.

Woe is me, I know. But now you know what keeps me up at night....weird random stuff.

oh...and might I also add that as I was scraping off old caulking & smoothing out the layers of paint wiht my handy scraper I slipped & sliced my wrist. Yea, it sounds fairly dramatic: "Stephi was scraping caulk remnants from a window pane and sliced her wrist" or "While removing excess caulk from the glass Stephi sliced her wrist"....ok, I'm getting tired now and I don't remember exactly how I phrased it the first time that made a TON of people suddenly @ message me or DM me on Twitter, worried about my mental well being, but I know it was close to one of those lines...But seriously, this is all I did, with the tools & window pictured in the background...a piddly little flesh wound that BURNS like a freaking papercut! OH...and there was almost enough blood on the bandaid to warrant the need for a bandaid - almost.


 


**You'll have to check out this post to see what all the blood, sweat, & tears ended up being about**

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Things that Suck

Vacuum cleaners suck. They suck better after you've cleaned the filters and components...especially the canister that collects all the Legos, socks, sucker wrappers, and dirt that accumulates, quickly.

Vehicles suck. Unless you keep them clean and maintained, then they'll run like a dream until the end of time. This doesn't just include the interior & exterior...this includes everything under the hood...be sure you know what fluids to use and refill low fluids with. Nothing is worse on a vehicle than using the improper fluids.

Bathrooms suck. Unless they're cleaned and spotless! Nothing is more disease ridden than a dirty bathroom - use bleach!

Kitchens suck. They're filled with awesome wholesome goodness, but the moment things aren't properly cleaned and cared for they become deadly.

Wives suck. They suck better & more often when the item they're sucking on is cleaned and maintained....do I REALLY need to elaborate?

Feel free to add to the list of things that suck below. :)

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