Ex-husband vent.

I'm needing to send my ex a letter of my intent to move....one of those things in our divorce decree, so that I can give him "adequate" time to file for a change of visitations, etc....either 30 before I move or up to ten days immediately after my move, whichever is most doable.

As it stands he's allowed visits on the 2nd Saturday of the month, under the supervision of a court mediator, between the hours of 2pm and 4pm. He also is not able to change the visitations from that until after he has participated in a divorce counseling seminar (judge's decree, I had to attend that too). So I'm not worried about my ex who won't show for court on child support matters to attempt to take me to court to change the visitations. Furthermore, my ex has only seen Mikeal TWICE since I left him when Mikeal was 13 months old....he's now 7 1/2. He saw Mikeal for a few hours during Easter when Mikeal was about 18 months old - my ex's adopted dad took Mikeal and I up to Kansas City to visit him hoping that I'd reconsider getting the divorce. And then he didn't see Mikeal again until he was 3 years old, and hasn't since. During this time my ex has also only sent 3 letters, and has made a few phone calls to my mom's house, or rather, had his mother call. Now, my ex-MIL started calling in early October of this past year, would call and talk to Mikeal on a regular basis...then stopped calling altogether, about the time my ex was picked up again on the failure to pay support...haven't heard anything from them since outside of the courtroom while my ex was sporting the county jumpsuit and silver bracelets.

BUT as a responsible, law abiding mother I am still required to do my part to inform my ex of where I'm going to be taking Mikeal.

I have to provide address, phone number (don't have one yet), and the reason for our move.

I haven't actually written one of these letters because prior to this move I thought I just had to update with the child support officers and the court, plus my ex was in either jail or a halfway house, and I'd just call his grandma (who absolutely hates him and his mother's side of the family for all the lies and stealing they've done to her) let his grandma know that I was moving, she'd in-turn tell her son (ex's bio father) and he's in turn tell ex's mother, and she'd tell ex...I'd know he got the message because I'd get a letter from him telling me what kind of horrible person I was for keeping him away from his son...as if his being in jail 600 miles away, BEFORE I moved another 600 miles down the road, didn't have anything to do with that anyways... But I found out today from my lawyer I have to send the notice to him since the protective order is no longer in place...it expired on Mikaila's first birthday and there hasn't been enough probable cause for the courts to renew it.

I really wouldn't even bother with sending a letter except for the fact his grandmother is in her 90s and she's already had to deal with physical assaults from him, threats, and the like, so I don't want her to be put in such a position, at least not because of something I told her and she passed along. She's a great lady, now that she knows I wasn't making up all the stuff I'd told them about my ex and my reasons for leaving him...my ex in a drunken state one evening, while living with her, went on and on about a lot of the things he'd done to me....prior to that everyone thought I was the horrible lying cheating whore he'd made me out to be, because there's no way that ex would ever do such things, he's made good money, he's the first one of that family to actually graduate high school, he'd never been arrested, and blah blah blah....VERY high marks for that family, let me tell you.

So my problem now is how do I go about writing this letter and then sending it so as to keep my ass covered with it all. His family is the sort that will use any chance they think they have to make life miserable for me...such as trying to bring me back to court to get custody of Mikeal...granted they haven't tried that since spending almost $20K to several different lawyers when Mikeal was 2 and the multiple judges laughed them all out of court, but still it worries me.

In also don't have an address for my ex...I have one for his mother and I think his bio father, but not for him personally...he hasn't lived at his sex offender registered address for at least a year, and it took the courts over 8 months to actually find him to arrest him, only to release him again.

My lawyer's secretary just said that I needed to send it certified mail, in the care of his mother to him and leave it at that. Again, I haven't talked to his mother since he beginning of November and then she claimed to have nothing to do with her son because he's tried multiple times to kill himself, she caught him shooting up in her house, so kicked him out, the like...yea, whatever, he probably just wouldn't share with her so she kicked him out, but that's something for another day...

Ugh...I'm so sick of trying to do right in this whole deal. I just want to be able to be rid of my ex and be able to live my life with my wonderful husband and children without having my ex always in the shadows of everything I do!

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Cost Cutting that I Use

This is my recipe for laundry detergent. It makes 2 1/2 gallons of detergent, initial cost is maybe $15-20, depending on the prices in your area, however when you break it down the cost is only about $1 per bucket of detergent, and last us - including the detergent I made for my mom, so 6 people - around 9 months. It is also AWESOME if anyone has skin allergies, I can't comfortably use any other detergent, even "free and clear" ones because they all break me out to some degree, I've never had an issue with the stuff I make.

Other things I do that cut down on costs is I buy the whole 5 lb processed ham, at WM and take it to the deli and have them slice it for me, then when I get home I separate it into 1lb freeze bags, freeze all but one bag of it at a time - $7(maybe) for 5lbs of sandwich ham, instead of $3 per 1/2lb.

Coupons - when my printer has ink.

I buy the ink refill bottles for the printer...it works wonderfully until you screw it up and put the colored ink in the black and black in the colored...

I make my own cleaners using vinegar, lemon juice, baking soda, and rubbing alcohol...there's quite a few different ones listed on here : http://www.greenlivingtips.com/articles/153/1/Earth-friendly-oven-cleaning.html Maybe about $5 a month as opposed to my "normal" $30-ish.

Of course generic items.

I also try to go to the local butcher and buy most of my meats there, they're fresher and are generally cheaper. In the spring I build up a garden and freeze or can a great portion of it - Spaghetti Sauce & Salsa especially. I also bake a lot of my own bread.

I do have a bit of an advantage out here where I live because I have an awesome neighbor who brings me a flat (2 1/2 dozen) of eggs every week or so that his chickens have laid. He also has some hogs & a cow he's going to be taking to slaughter this spring and will just split the processing cost with him to fill our freezer - roughly $400 (maybe) for half an "organic, free range" cow and one or two full hogs, all cuts of both.

I limit my driving to just what's necessary and do all my running in the same day, planning the trip out so I don't have to back track most of the time. We (as a family, I'm quite sure Brian eats out more often than he admits) don't go out to eat more than *maybe* once a month.

I bake something daily, and cook dinner nightly. I also have a stock pile(that needs to be refreshed) of freezer safe plastic containers that I'll fill with lunch size meals, from any leftovers we have, and put them in the freezer for later. Brian then takes them to work with him - when he thinks about it - for lunch there or we'll have them here for lunch - just something we can pop in the microwave, much like any other TV dinner, but without all the "preservatives and sodium". I don't buy many snacky junk type foods - soda, only if we're having a gathering here at the house; snack cakes - not at all, I make them instead - well cookies, cakes, the like; chips are a rare purchase, maybe one or two bags a month, maybe, instead I do buy crackers for those salt cravings, but most don't go through crackers like they do chips; etc etc.

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Homemade Laundry Detergent Recipe

This is the recipe that I use, there are other variations and it's fairly easy to variate it according to your personal needs.

You will need :
**1 good sized clean bucket, with a lid, I use the Scoop Away kitty litter buckets
**Arm & Hammer Washing Soda - this is different than Baking Soda, do not inter use the two! For those of you who are local folks, I have been able to find it at Reasor's in Langley, you might be able to find it at the Amish Stores in Chouteau, but I don't know for sure????
**Borax 20 Mule Team - easy to find at Wal-Mart, etc
**Bar Ivory soap
**Large pan for boiling - I use an old stock pan that I don't make use of otherwise.
**Funnel
**Wooden spoon, paint stir stick, something durable that you can stir with, plastic doesn't seem to do quite as well as wooden.
**Old laundry detergent bottle(s)

**Optional :
OxyClean powder, including the OxyClean does make the price a bit higher, but for badly grimy clothes it works great as a booster to the detergent itself.
Essential oils, scent of your choice

Directions :
1. Put pan on the stove, add a half gallon of water.
2. Grate the bar of Ivory soap, add it to the water, start it boiling.
3. Boil the water, with the soap, until the soap is completely liquefied - VERY important! You do not want to see any solid flakes, at all. I use an old wooden spoon to stir & check for
4. After the bar of soap is liquefied, add 1 cup of the washing soda, 1 cup of the Borax, & one scoop of the OxyClean, if using the OxyClean, and add in another half gallon of water, boil until all ingredients are dissolved.

5. In your bucket have 1 gallon of cold water waiting.
6. Add the boiling water to the cold water.
7. Mix well.
8. Add in another half gallon of water, mix.
9. Add in 10-15 (or so) drops of the essential oils - basically whatever your desire is on strength of scent.

10. Use the funnel to pour into old detergent bottles, but leave room to shake the bottle.

11. As the detergent cools it has a tendency to separate & thicken - shake well before each use to remix.

12. Store any left over detergent in the bucket with a lid, stir well before refilling your container.


Estimated initial start-up cost is less than $20. When making the detergent without the OxyClean the cost per 2 1/2 gallons of detergent is roughly $1.25. Two and a half gallons of Tide will run you an average of $60. Adding the OxyClean ups your start up cost to roughly $30, and the price per 2 1/2 gallons is about $2.50. This, in my person opinion & experience, out preforms Tide & similar products.

Enjoy!

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Homemade Laundry Detergent vs Store Bought

At least in my home...

Back in February I started making my own laundry detergent, I've used it without fail until about 3 weeks ago...I'd ran out of washing soda & had not been able to find any anywhere in the last (almost) year. So I ended up having to buy laundry detergent.

Comparison #1: I spent $12 on this one bottle, a bottle that is quickly coming to an end. I only spent $12 on the last almost whole year's worth of homemade laundry detergent.

Comparison #2: The SMELL! Oh.my.word! I buy unscented, dye free laundry detergent, when I do buy it, because it'll break me out just to touch it otherwise, much less wear it. But after using homemade detergent, which just has a very light, plain clean smell to it, scented if I add some essential oils to it, but very neutral overall...then using this dye free, perfume free detergent - I can honestly smell all the chemicals in it! FTR, I've been using the ALL Free & Clear.

Comparison #3: The FEEL of my clothes. I could actually tell that my cotton clothes were cotton, etc, they just felt like fresh crisp clothes with the homemade laundry soap. With store bought detergent - I can feel the detergent ON my clothes I don't use much detergent either, mainly because of my skin problems, but also because it is so darn expensive!

Comparison #4: Did I mention the smell??!! I'm in the process of drying the last load of this week's laundry escapade and it just STINKS! Yes, it smells like laundry detergent, but it smells chemically!

I'd put a comparison #5 for how well they each clean, but they both do a decent job at getting out the dirt, grease, etc in the clothes, without a pretreatment.

SO! With that list I am so happy to of been able to find, quite by accident, that the grocery store down the way, opposite of the way I go, in the next county over, actually has washing soda in stock!!! I can go back to washing my clothes in MY detergent!!!!

I really can't see myself going back to store bought detergents, it's just completely not worth it!

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Just a Quickie

Everyone is doing well here.

Mikaila has really taken to being potty trained, I've not bought diapers in nearly a month, probably should put her in one for back-up, but she has more not goings in the toilet with a diaper on than she does without, that includes bedtime. The only time she has peed in her bed has been when she's upset over having to go to bed, which of course gets her out of bed because then I have to change everything out, clean it up, etc etc. BUT with money being like it is it's better served that I just suck it up and clean up the occasional mess than try to keep a diaper on her.

I've completely pissed off my mother & step-father, what else is new there, I wasn't able to obviously do enough for them until it escalated to the point I just flat out told them I couldn't do anymore. It ended with me telling them they didn't have to worry about us taking advantage of them...yea, I'm confused too...anymore, and slamming the door on my way out, ignoring whatever it was my step-father was trying to lecture me about as I walked to my vehicle and drove off. They're both grown adults, they have no kids living at home, they can take care of themselves, neither one is disabled, so they can both go get a job that actually will work their employees (or in my step-dad's place, just get a real job & keep it).

I did get a lot of paperwork in the mail today for grants & loans & other local programs that might help us with getting the major work done on the house and with those things taken care of it will afford us the ability to do some other things - such as get us some decent health insurance, at least for Brian & I, the kids are both covered. So I've been busy trying not to screw all of that up completely.

Mikeal started little league wrestling a couple of weeks ago. He's really doing great at it, and really getting to be quite toned up! His first official tournament is this coming Saturday, the 28th. I was nominated & elected to be the Secretary & Reporter for the wrestling club, so that's proving to be keeping me busy as well. It's up to me to keep track of everything that goes on at the meetings, keep up with the wrestler's information on a few things, as well as make sure I get articles & pictures into the local paper for publishing.

Brian has had a few opportunities come his way lately, and maybe this spring/summer things will pan out so that he'd be able to pursue one of them.

And me...well, I'm keeping busy as mentioned previously. Grants & loans paperwork piled quite high on my desk right now. The Secretary/Reporter gig on the side. An almost 2-year-old that keeps me on my toes. I've also started up walking 2-3 miles around the high school running track during the times that Mikeal has wrestling practice and Mikaila isn't cooperating with sitting still watching the boys do their thing, for two hours. Now that I've started this Secretary thing I have to be present for each of the meetings, which I guess will be held each practice, so hopefully a friend of ours will come through with watching Mikaila for those two hours on Tuesday & Thursday evenings. I have a few health issues going on, but not sure exactly what is causing them or what it is, but I'll try to let you, my adoring public, know whenever I know. Then add that together with the stress that goes into telling someone that you can't be responsible for both your household and theirs, then they get pissed off at you over it, even though just the one makes a bit more than Brian, and Brian has two children & a wife (me) to support on his right at $23K a year (before taxes are taken out) and they both work, so I don't get it, honestly.

I'll also be typing up & posting some more recipes in the coming days, as I have the opportunity to do so. I have a whole range of yummies to get typed up.

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Money Saved

I am constantly on the look out for ways to save money or make our limited income stretch further. I have done very well, in my opinion, and am constantly getting better at it.

So far, since the begining of January, I have saved:
** $180 on laundry detergent, by making my own. I made the equivalency of $180 of laundry detergent by spending less than $10.
** Roughly $200 in cleaning chemicals by switching to baking soda, vinegar, water, & essential oils...I've spent roughly $30 on these products this year
** Not to mention my garden...I have spent roughly $50 in seeds & supplies. So far I have been able to harvest the grocery stores' equivalency of $30 in leaf lettuce, $20 in fresh spinach, $15 in radishes... and the "real" crops haven't even started yet!!!! I've even had enough spinach to start freezing it to use later in the year & during the winter when I don't have a fresh crop to pick from! I still have much to get planted, but so far it's been a GREAT payoff!
** I've also worked very diligently to combine my trips into town & don't do as much running around as I used to...so I have gone from 3-5 tanks of gas a month to just one, sometimes two! Creating a savings of (average $25 per tank) almost $500 just this year!!!

So, since I have saved my family almost $1000 in just the first 4 months of this year, do you think my husband will wake up and realize that the leak finances are not of *my* doing? Oh, and I'm not really one to spend that money on something else, except on new clothes for the kids here and there, but I'm always with at least one kid in tow when I do "go shopping" and 99% of my shopping trips are to buy groceries, so doing much browsing & other shopping just doesn't get done.

It took a little bit of getting used to and took some willpower & a lot of doubt on my part to actually start doing most of this...the garden has really been my only "easy" part...but its been awesome!

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Score!!!!

I nearly forgot...with everything that went on today...everything I didn't get done today...yet... then getting caught up in that Twitter competition between CNN & Ashton Kutcher...Kutcher won, in case you were wondering.

I found an awesome little store today while I was out paying bills. Yea..Today was payday...that day that we pay everyone who requires money from us...

Anyways, I noticed a while back ago that a fruit & veggie stand had been enclosed, etc and turned into this cute little "mock" Farmer's Market type thing...and great thing is it's on the way to the grocery store that I shop at 99% of the time...the lovely Super Wal-Mart...if I had another decent choice for less than 50 miles I might incline myself to go there, but I don't, so it is good enough..

Anyways I went in there not really expecting much, after all there's a "real" Farmer's Market on the far other side of the lake, and it SUCKS...like I wouldn't even feed my dog the crap they sell in there as meat...EW!

So, yes, I'm a bit pessimistic about some things, especially places that I plan on maybe buying food for my family.

I was VERY pleasantly surprised!!!!

For just pennies over $10 I got :
8lbs of Strawberries ($5 for the flat) that were a bit "ripe"...by the time I got it all cut down and salvaged what I could I still had about 4lbs of good strawberries to freeze & use later....still a decent price as they sell for $2-$5 a pound at WM....other wise for non-"ripe" strawberries it's only $1 a lb.
4lbs of seed red potatoes ($0.33 a lb)
1 Head of cabbage ($0.37)
2lbs of bananas ($0.32 a lb)...$0.75 a lb at WM
Lrg red onion ($0.32 a lb)...$1something a lb at WM
2 med tomatoes ($0.20 a lb) ...$1something a lb at WM

I think that's all I bought, this time...

BUT

My luck did not end there! I asked him if he bought from individuals to sell in the store, he said that he has committed to one person, but was not comfortable with committing to too many people, as he doesn't want it to go to waste, etc, since it is a small store that a lot of people are likely to just overlook...BUT as I was "checking out" he did invite me to bring in some of my surplus...after feeding my family...and he'll work out something with me. I might even be able to "sell" him on buying some of the laundry soap I make, as well as fabric softener...woot!

Bad new though...the place I was getting one of the main ingredients for the laundry soap is no longer able to order the stuff, it's not in her book to re-order...but she did direct me to a couple of other stores that are also "Old Fashioned" stores in the general area that might carry it...I'll drive out there tomorrow, maybe to check it out...its across state lines... But I saw on one of her shelves that she had canning lids...12 came in a box... $3...score!

So then I stopped in at a couple of yard sales.... I'm really looking for some jars that I can use for canning...the first one I stop at I ask about canning jars, as it's a lady that owns a flower shop here in town...amazing thing about this town...WM in town closes at 9pm, but there are at least 3 flower & gift shops that do pretty well here, hmmm...So I ask about canning jars.. dude took and GAVE AWAY TWENTY (20) CASES of jars just that morning, to someone who was having a yard sale...60 miles away...lovely... BUT good news, wife pipes up, she still has more at home, she'll bring them up tomorrow for me to come collect. YAY!!! If I don't catch her up there, she knows where I live so might just deliver them...I found a couple of nice looking gasket jars that were cheap and snagged up all 4 that she had...

Then I stopped at a second yard sale...almost same type deal, except this lady has a building that she just seems to have a yard sale out of most of the summer, mainly a bunch of crappy crap... so I just ask her about canning jars... She has some too! Except not there, and she's not sure when she'll be having another sale up there, as the weather is likely to be bad tomorrow, so I'll just "have to catch her sometime"...I got a couple of toys for the kids since they were doing a great job of behaving...well Mikaila was...

We then went to WM to get some of the other stuff I needed...cat food, dog food, catnip toy for the cat...who ignores it...other crap...should of grabbed some of the eggs the guy had at the "market"...there's always next time....

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How to Increase Fuel Mileage and Extend the Life of Your Vehicle

This is a list of do-it-yourself things you can do to increase your fuel mileage and extend the life of your vehicle.

Use a fuel injector cleaner additive each time you top off your tank. Lucas Fuel Treatment is a leading recommended additive you can use to increase your mileage by 3-4 mpg as quickly as the first tank; it also helps to extend the life of your injectors and fuel pump.

A K & N air filter, instead of a generic one off the shelf, will increase your mileage by 2-4 mpg; it will also increase your horsepower by about 1-4 horses. The K & N filter also never has to be replaced, it is washable and reusable, saving you money from future yearly air filter replacements!

Synthetic oil, like Royal Purple or Castrol Syntec, will increase your mpg by 1-2 mpg, but more importantly you will reduce your engine wear by about 50%. Royal Purple is not recommended if you have less than 20,000 miles on your vehicle, but it is considered the best oil on the market. Because of the better blend the oil does not breakdown as quickly as traditional oils, so you can go three times longer (9,000 miles) before an oil change is needed. Persons who do not do a lot of stop and go driving can extend that out to 12,000 miles, or four oil changes for the price of one. To go along with the better oil, instead of going with the cheap oil filter, use a factory filter (varies by make of vehicle), a Wix filter is a really good filter, or K & N also makes oil filters and claim to increase oil life by 50%...meaning if you go with a K & N filter and the K & N oil you only have to get your oil changed every 15-18,000 miles...and spend an average of $50 for that year’s worth of oil changes, doing it yourself.

Something else to increase mileage is to have your differentials and transmission serviced (front wheel drive vehicles do not have separate differentials) Royal Purple makes transmission fluid and gear oil for this. You could see an increase in your mpg by 5mpg and will increase your horsepower. The Royal Purple fluids and oil will decrease the wear of the internal transmission parts, if the servicing is done on a regular basis of every 35-40,000 miles you should never have transmission problems due to wear, it is still possible to have transmission problems due to the electronic components of it, but that is electronics, oil can’t prevent those problems.

Finally, the simplest, easiest thing that absolutely anyone can do to help increase their gas mileage and reduce the wear on his or her vehicles is to clean it out. If it is not absolutely necessary, do not haul it!

These few things can increase your MPG by an average of 10mpg. These few things will also help extend the life of your engine and transmission allowing you to get longer use out of your vehicle and save money on repairs or replacement.

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