Mommy Guilt

That's what I'm told I'm supposed to feel.  Guilt for giving my charming daughter what she needs!

When I first held her during her first nap she snored.  I asked the doctor about it, was told it's likely just left over fluid and it'll clear up in a day or so.  I took his word for it because he's the professional and the way he worded it made sense.

Life went on.  After a week or so I noticed she had a chronic snotty nose.  Probably just reflux I was told.  Okay, I can handle that, after all my older child had HORRIBLE reflux for the first three years of his life.  I've walked that walk, so no big deal.  Hers wasn't as bad as Mikeal's was, but it was nearly identical, except she still snored.  That bit I was told was just a side effect of the reflux fluid that caused her snotty nose.  She was sleeping through the night, all was well, so okay, makes sense.  After all he's the professional, he'd been doing this for decades.  I'd seen him since I was 12, myself, here I was 25 years old.

Time went on, she made all her mile stones, on time, life was great, she started talking, and boy did she have a lot to say at just 8 months old.  She had a minimum of 25 words she used on a regular, correct basis.  It really helped that she has a brother 5 years older than she who talks non-stop. 

She ended up getting her first ear infection when she was 10 months old.  I wasn't distraught over it, yes she was sick, but my older child had his first one at roughly the same age.

So far, up to that point they were nearly identical...except Mikaila couldn't stand nursing at my breast, she'd fuss, fight, or when she did latch on she had a vicelike latch.  HOLY FUCK was it painful!

Mikeal, my first child to breastfeed latched on perfectly from the git go and it was absolute smooth sailing...outside of that first day when my foggyhead forgot the bit about having to change a diaper too, and let him nurse roughly 8 hours because it was the only thing that kept him from screaming...and he sucked blisters onto my nipples that burst a few days later.  THAT SUCKED...however, we were able to move past that, exclusively breastfeeding for 10 months before I had to go back to work, then we supplemented with real foods until he decided he wanted food & a sippy cup instead of mama milk.  He was great with it, I was okay with it.  All is well that ends well.  Not one time did he have formula, money well saved.

Mikaila, on the other hand, for two months I worked hard to bite my lip through the nursing sessions, often crying out of pain, but I was producing well, was even able to pump an additional 4-6 ounces after each feeding that I wanted to pump so that I could let Mikeal & Brian feed her from a bottle and she LOVED the bottle feedings...so long as the bottle was positioned just so.  I spoke with lactation specialists, I spoke with my doctor, I spoke with his nurse practioner, had a year of my own personal experience with it, including personal experience with blisters, thrush, mastitis, an unsupportive, abusive husband, I tried nipple shields, etc.  Anything they threw at my I tried and I became exhausted & depressed.  By the 3rd month of her life we switched to formula & bottles and life was happy again.  I didn't fail, I provided what worked best for my family, what made my daughter happy and healthy.  I succeeded!

But, as I mentioned, before backtracking, Mikaila had her first ear infection at 10 months old.  Mikeal only ever had 2 his whole life, but I had experience with them with my nephews who had chronic ear infections, so recognized all the signs early, took her in, she was given the standard ear drops & antibiotic, all was well....except...

By the time she was a year old I noticed she'd nearly quit talking.  She was doing more tantrum throwing, she quit sleeping through the night, and life became Hell.  My depression set in, the fingers were pointed at me for not putting her on a consistent enough schedule, not doing this right, not doing that right, you name it, I was failing.  The professionals told me so, and I believed them...not really, but I was supposed to, so I tried all the crap they told me to try with her.

Mikaila & her Uncle Bradley (my youngest stepbrother)

A few months later the bad behaviors were only worse, not better.  I took her again and again to the doctor.  Was given antibiotic bottle after bottle or a pep talk on the importance of schedules and sleep in infants/toddlers...as if I didn't know this or something, fuck I only had a 6 year old child who thrives WAY above the charts in everything, I tend to think I know what I'm doing.  But I was failing with my daughter.  She wasn't talking, she only screamed, she didn't sleep, would only nap 4-5 times a day for 10minutes -2 hours at a time and I was EXHAUSTED.

I lived near my mother, sister, other folks ones would think I could count on to be supportive of me, but instead they only added to the guilt I was already feeling.  Depression dug her claws in deeper.

I googled everything I could think of, talked to other mothers, was eventually left with the impression that I needed to take Mikaila in for more testing.  Specifically testing for Autism or other similar diagnosis.  I needed help and I wasn't getting it.

She underwent all the tests they threw at us.  Vision screenings were good.  Hearing screenings were good.  Just her behaviors were a bit off, but she wasn't consistent with her behaviors.  One week she'd appear to be fully on the spectrum, the next week she seemed normal, just didn't talk.  At 18 months old we started the occupational therapy with a therapist that came to the house once every other week, or so.

After a few months *I* noticed that if I spoke LOUDLY to her or included gestures to specify what she may need or want she didn't scream as much.  I mentioned it to the therapist & the doctor...and was told then to just continue and was given a book in baby sign language.  WHAT THE FUCK!  My daughter's hearing screenings came back good, she didn't quite meet the proper guidelines to be labeled as autistic or as having any actual disability because nothing was ever solidly regular.  Sometimes she was, sometimes she wasn't.  I was told it was just a short coming of my own, because I wasn't consistent enough with her.  Pile on the guilt.  After all, these are the professionals, and I know nothing about any of this.

By Mikaila's 2nd birthday my body was shutting down.  I'd gone almost a whole year with no more than 1-5 hours of sleep a day.

In November, before her 2nd birthday (birthday Dec 13), I laid down to go to sleep with my stomach severely cramping, within 10 minutes I had to make a mad dash to the bathroom.  I'm quite confident that there was absolutely nothing left in my digestive tract ..except blood.  LOTS and lots of blood.  I had to go to my mom's early the next morning to spend the day doing laundry at her place for the week, packed up the laundry, feeling a bit faint, but managing.  I was mom afterall, I can keep going.  I fainted a few times after I got to my mom's and was still shitting blood.  A combination of black & bright red, but it was blood nonetheless.  Enough to make me faint from the blood loss over the 6 hour ordeal.  My mom called a friend of hers to watch the kids and she took me to the ER.  It was quite the busy day in the tiny ER - three car wrecks resulting in 4 people being helivaced out to bigger hospitals, other massive traumas, a motorcycle vs telephone pole accident...I was given an IV and waited. And waited.  The single ER doc there that day, bless his heart, was just plum exhausted.  I rehydrated and was released with the diagnosis of hemorrhoid rupture.  Ok, whatever, he's the professional, I'd been there for many hours already and was feeling at least a bit better...plus my mom was watching my kids and I had laundry left to get done and you know, mom stuff to take care of.

A few more months of OT and no real progress.  We did discover melatonin around Christmas and for about 2 months my life was GRAND!  I was able to sleep!  Still not more than 4-5hrs at a time, but a MASSIVE improvement over the 10-30 minutes of sleep at a time.  Then the melatonin effects started becoming hit and miss and back to the guilt being laid on for drugging my child because I was just too lazy to do everything else that we'd already tried to get her to sleep.

We moved from Oklahoma to Tennessee when Mikaila was 27 months old.  I immediately sought out the Early Intervention program to restart her therapies here and learned SOOOO much!  To start with hearing screenings and hearing TESTS were two totally different things...the screening showed that her hearing was perfect, but her behaviors showed differently.  A referral from the new doc and she was on her way to having a test ran on her hearing by an ENT.  The ENT noticed that she had quite the build up of fluid on her ear drums.  I told him she'd been on antibiotics almost all of the last year for 'ear infections' that weren't quite ear infections, just the beginning stages of one...ear infections without the redness & fever, just the fluid.  Clue #1.


He prescribed a round of antibiotics stronger than amoxicillan, went back two weeks later, fluid still there.  He had also noticed that her adenoids were inflamed & her tonsils were LARGE.  July 1st, when she was 2 1/2 years old she had surgery to remove her adenoids and have tubes put in her ears.  She was a bugger to wake up from the surgery and never fully woke up, but did eat the popcicles they gave her and fought us when we'd try to wake her up, after a few hours they sent us home anyways.  She slept for almost 24 full hours, straight.  I worried and fretted over it the whole time.

When she awoke it was like she was a totally different child.  Normal talking bothered her GREATLY, fireworks bothered her, whereas the year before she could sit right under them and fully enjoyed them, she had to cover her ears after her surgery.  Within a week she was sleeping through the night and her daytime behaviors were so much less frustrating for both of us.  Mommy guilt started lifting.  But then it was quickly added back in by persons who blamed me for not getting this taken care of earlier.  You know, because the professionals were incompetent I should have known that.  I did suspect it, but when you live in the middle of nowhere where there are only two doctors, only one of which accepts your insurance you're kinda limited on what you can do on an extremely limited budget.

By the time Mikaila aged out of the Early Intervention program her assessment was that she just needed speech therapy.  She was transferred into the preschool program at the elementary school and life has steadily gotten better.

She goes to bed every night at 8pm and 90% of the time is asleep within 10 minutes, she gets up between 6am and 8am, and life is as it should be with a 3 year old who only has a speech impairment.

A few weeks ago, on the 25th of August she went in for a sleep study because she still snores, still has muffled speech, etc and due to the HUGE success with the adenoid removal & tube placement I wanted to look into the option of the benefits of removing her abnormally huge tonsils.  You would think this would be a good thing, right?  I have competent doctors who have tried things and we've had GREAT success.  No, instead I get more outsider guilt piled on because I'm now 'mutilating' my daughter because I'm a lazy/unfit parent and don't seem to want to take responsibility or something for my daughter's behaviors & muffled speech.  By these 'professionals' (meaning persons with longer life experience/multiple more children experience) my daughter is behind because of me...and for some reason my son excels, even though my daughter's life has been EASY in comparison to his at this age.  I won't lie, until he was about 5 years old life was a constant inconsistent rollercoaster.  If all the experts and professionals had a cookie cutter clue my son, who is 'perfect' child material - if you take off the tween attitude - should be an absolute hellion who's flunking kindergarten, still.  He just turned 9 and in the 4th grade gifted program, give me a fucking break!


This past Wednesday we went back to the ENT for the results of the sleep study.  Her sleep score is comparable to that of a 500lb, 50 year old man, who smokes 3 packs a day.  She's 3 1/2 and weighs 37lbs and doesn't smoke.  On several occasions her oxygen level dropped below 80%.  Not good, at all.  Her tonsillectomy is scheduled for October 10.  And I am HAPPY about this.  I am looking forward to my wee daughter having surgery, again.

She was cursed with my larger than normal tonsils & adenoid tissue.  I can't do anything about that, that tidbit was the way the genes fell, but I can do something about improving her quality of life.  Lay more guilt on me.  Such a horrible mother I am for being relatively excited over her having surgery to remove her tonsils with the hopeful expectation this will further clear her airway so she can breathe, eat, talk, sleep, etc like a normal healthy child does.

Special tribute to Caryn (@ihave7monsters) and her post about her own 'Professional' run Mommy Guilt here.  We, the mother/father/fulltime caretaker of children, ARE the professionals when it comes to our children.  Just because someone has a bunch of debt and fancy letters after their name doesn't mean they are right when it comes to our children.

Edit to add:  My bouts with depression have gotten a bit better.  I'm getting more sleep & Mikaila has made progress with talking so life doesn't seem as damning.  The support from friends is great, both online and offline; professionals are doing their job - addressing my concerns and sending us off to specialized professionals when the concern is  out of their specialization.  It is still a work in progress, I am still battling some personal health issues that became quite exaggerated during Mikaila's first few years of life, but these problems didn't just suddenly appear, so they're not going to be quickly fixed.  Everyday is a new adventure and life is relatively good.


****Update October 26, 2011****


Mikaila had the tonsillectomy on October 10th.  

So far we have been able to notice that her speaking is MUCH clearer, it no longer sounds like she has cotton in her mouth.  Still has some delay, but quickly gaining ground & catching up.


Mikaila no longer snores at night.  Absolutely the most heart wrenching thing to be laying by your baby girl, who for almost 4 years has snored every night of her life, and then notice that you are not hearing her breathing...took me almost a week to stop rousing her while she was sleeping, just to be sure that she was just asleep.


I have also not noticed a single runny nose, not even an inkling of a runny nose.  I had noticed a difference after her adenoids were removed in July of 2010...but with the removal of the tonsils & regrown adenoid tissue I can't recall a single runny nose.


Her daytime attitude is MUCH better.  She sleeps all night now that her throat no longer hurts, and life is peaceful...once we get past the bedtime battles 2-3 times a week.

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Four Steps to Putting Away Laundry

Step #1 : Get little sister on your shoulders. Make sure she has a hanger of clothes between her teeth, so she can hold on to your head...


Step #2 : Stand & steady little sister on the shoulders....

Step #3 : Walk to the closet, closer, closer, closer....Hold steady. Little Sister gets the hanger on the bar. Declare Victory!!!!

Step #4 : Repeat until all closet clothes are off the bed & in the closet...


How do you get the laundry put away at your house?

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Adventures in CandyLand with Meanie Momma

Santa brought the game of CandyLand into our home, for the 3rd or 4th Christmas, in less than 5 years...I think he gave up last year on the notion, revived said notion this year...because apparently losing all the pieces, cards, etc in the past by Valentine's Day means nothing...

He also brought with him Connect 4 (the one that has to be assembled with 900 Lego pieces & comes with 40 some odd 'chips'), Yahtzee Jr. Toy Story 3 Edition (5 dice, 30 tokens to score points), Uno Attack (lacking the C batteries it requires, complete with full Uno deck), a Feed the Kitty game (roughly 15 pieces, I think), and Uno Moo (28 pieces).

I am dutifully reporting the fact that Connect 4, Lego edition was BANNED for eternity by Dec 26. Yahtzee Jr is missing 3-5 dice on any given day...the day that we're not missing all of them are the days I find them as I step on them in the dark...forget searching for the tokens after Dec. 29th.

Uno Attack still has no batteries...but most of the cards are now missing, as of Jan 5th. Feed the Kitty on any random day is missing 1-12 of the small, dice size 'mice' and the two dice...any of which are again found, in the dark, by my feet, the bowl that comes with the game is often used for afternoon snacks, beverages, feeding our cat Carbon, or giving the dog a bath.

The small balls that accompany UnoMoo are perfect throwing objects for the cat to chase...I mainly find them when I move the couch & loveseat to sweep...occasionally they're also found in the dark, by my feet.

This procession of events has left us with only CandyLand being spared....until tonight.

It started innocently enough. Mikaila pulled it out of the 'game pieces drawer', formerly known as where the games are to be put away, complete with all their pieces, in their respective boxes....that lasted almost an hour, Christmas afternoon...

She then tore the box open, throwing half the cards off to the side, laying out the board, throwing the instructions elsewhere, and claiming the Gingerbread men pieces as 'MINE!' I was working on cooking dinner & critiquing some of my classmates submitted papers, Brian wasn't quite home yet from work, and Mikeal was playing the Wii...no problem with her claim.

She then sat in the floor, off in the corner, with these four small pieces, one red, one yellow, one green, one blue. The five of them proceeded to have quite the lengthy conversation...I only was able to make out the occasional 'Meanie Momma'. Nothing new there.

The intensity of the 'Meanie Momma' comments increased every time Mikaila would walk off from her perfectly spaced, all facing the same direction pieces. I'd turn one of the pieces around to face the wrong direction & oddly space them. Yes, I do have a small fund set aside for her future therapy sessions...about $0.43, so far.

To say the least Mikaila was none too happy when she caught me in the act. The mutterings and 'Meanie Momma' references grew more sinister. She took up taking all four pieces with her everywhere she went...

Brian came home shortly, then dinner was served, and mostly ate by everyone.

After dinner Mikaila decided to name the pieces...The red one is Daddy. The green one is Bubba. The yellow one is Meanie Momma. Mikeal asked Mikaila "which one is you?" ...she picked up the blue one and exclaimed 'You'. So the blue one is You.

With each piece now having it's own name the conversation took on a bit more meaning between the five of them (all narrated by Mikaila).

Having cleared the dinner dishes and vowing to wash them tomorrow I stripped myself of my confining chest adornment. Mikaila then proceeded to climb onto the back of my chair and drop the pieces down the front of my shirt, then lift my shirt to find them. Mikeal, the 8year old boy, was not terribly thrilled with hearing the commotion as he was trying to explain a Wii game to Brian. Yes, I've started his therapy fund as well...I think it's up to $0.56.

After unsuccessfully trying to convince Mikaila to just let me do my homework, I gave up. I made the decision that I was going to teach her how to properly play CandyLand, I'd play a few dozen games, and it'd be fun. And it was fun. Except...

She insists that the red piece only goes on red squares, blue on blue, etc...its interesting to say the least...I lost. I added another quarter to my therapy fund and a nickle to hers.

Of course then it escalated into a game of 'put the pieces where Mikaila doesn't them...because I am the Meanie Momma, after all.

This resulted in a 'Battle Royale' featuring Mikaila with the high wire acrobatics off the coffee table and me laying in the floor, completely defenseless in between laughing hysterically and crying...

That then resulted in me attempted to take away the little CandyLand men...

Which turned into a game of keep away that Mikaila is SHOCKINGLY great at...seriously, you can't do the hand switch thing with her, she knows it's coming, so she sits on your throat and dives down the length of your arm until she pries the pieces from your hand, pulls your oversized turtleneck sweater collar over your head as she stuffs these sharp edged pieces down your back...It continued on in this manner for a good 20 minutes, just rinse and repeat.

Then there were more tears as a piece cut my nose, my throat became the target of assault from knees and elbows, and then finally she pulled my loose turtleneck sweater over my head and came VERY close to completely ripping my shirt off entirely.

I am proud to announce that Mikeal has now taken my spot at the CandyLand board...

This version of CandyLand would be MUCH more fun if my opponent was Brian and not Mikaila...I may not have fought so much against the stripping of my clothing.

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Moments I'll Miss the Most

*~*Cuddling in the Princess's toddler bed with her for just ONE more story, puh-leeeeaaaaaaasssssseeeeee*~*

*~*Her attempts to convince me that it's 'no nigh nighs' time because the full moon is shining into her room*~*

*~*Laying there with the Princess until she is good and asleep, then lingering just a little longer to smell her sweet smell, listen to her tiny snores, and feel her snuggle into my chest just a little closer when she feels me stir.*~*

*~*Knowing that by 4am she'll be in our already crowded queen sized bed, where at some point Brian or I end up sleeping the last few hours on the couch.*~*

*~*Hearing her squeals of happiness when she wakes up, as if the day holds the most magnificent treasures...I think she's wiser than most in this aspect.*~*

*~*The way every morning that I'm not as energetic as she is to start the day she'll bring me an assortment of clothing to put on, and try to dress me, even in my half-sleep.*~*

*~*The way she squeals again in delight when my feet are finally on the floor and my glasses are properly on my face.*~*

*~*How she guides me towards the shelf with the coffee pot, then runs to grab her spoon for cereal or a frying pan from the cupboard if she wants eggs.*~*

*~*Enjoying my first cup of coffee, as she cleverly sneaks a sip once in a while, with a mischievous grin on her face when I've caught her red-handed...that she follows up with the most adorable 'begging' please you've ever seen...or maybe just me cause I'm biased...in which I oblige to her having, just one more sip.*~*

*~*The way she hurries to be the first sitting at the dinner table after the plates have been set and the way she'll even attempt to help with setting the table when she hears the 'command'.*~*

*~*The way she just ADORES her veggies--the more colorful they are the better! I couldn't be more proud!*~*

*~*I love the way her little nose bunches up when she realizes that you're enjoying a beer or glass of wine late in the evening, then follows that with a resounding: "'YUCK!"*~*

*~*Her preference and dislike of different creatures is just astounding! Frogs (or 'Rib-its') are a steadfast love! Rib-it toys, live rib-its, rib-it socks, just a trip down into the basement ensures a squeal of excitement over the possibility of finding a 'rib-it'.*~*

*~*I love the ways that she's learning her words and word sounds, finally...compared to just 6 months ago it's just astounding.*~*

*~*I love the way that as soon as there's a yellow school bus sighting, across the field even, with 5 more minutes to go she squeals in delight over 'Mi-mul' being home, finally.*~*

*~*It breaks my heart a little when she wakes up and wants to play with him and a search of the house turns up empty of her 'Mi-mul'.*~*

*~*I love the way she runs and greets him if we've been playing outside. It delays the bus a little because the driver won't drive off until I've caught up with her again, but it's worth it!*~*

*~*I love the way she greets Brian when he opens the door, squeals of utter delight, jumps for joy, and pure excitement of daddy being home! Most of the time she even helps him with taking off his socks and shoes, rubs most of the lint from his feet and gives them a small gentle peck!*~*


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Oh how many more things I can list...she just amazes me everyday!

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I am a HORRID mother

My children ought to be banned from me!

My son is circumcised, my daughter has had her adenoids removed & tubes put in her ears.

Both my children are exposed to cigarette smoke.

I refer to either of them by their name, title, or individual pet name, as opposed to 'It' or 'Thing'.

I get a bit irritated with some of their normal for their age behaviors, but I work to help correct undesirable ones. I would never consider a child I was raising as evil, retched, ...or other condescending adjective that makes their behaviors a fault of theirs as opposed to a lack of attention on my part.

I let them play in dirt and other 'natural' things, to help them explore some of their likes and dislikes.

My house is no where near perfectly neat and organized, but it is child friendly.

My children know their manners - and USE them, even with complete strangers.

I allow my children freedom to be responsible. Either by allowing them to ride their bike without my hawk-eye on them every moment and by assigning them chores around the house.

My first child was exclusively breastfed, even though I worked on and off for that first 13 months, my second child was only partially breastfed for the first couple of months before I gave in to just giving her a bottle, thus ensuring greater peace for both of us at feeding times, even though I haven't held a job outside of the home since I was 7 months pregnant with her.

I have a husband who has medical problems, so I take on the bulk of the 'man' chores around the house, not because he can't do them, but because it's only fair after he's worked 40+ hours that week to provide for us and deserves a 'break'. He in turn keeps up with the kiddos - that is my break.

I'm not in the greatest of physical health myself, but I don't make excuses, I make allowances and then find a way to accomplish what needs to be done anyways. This could entail 'ignoring' the fact that something is out of place or just working in spurts.

I don't judge others because their choices for their families are different than mine, because I believe we all have that freedom to decide. There's also this clause about let 'he [she] without fault cast the first stone' and 'don't judge lest ye be judged'.

My children have a 'minimal' number of toys to play with, thus ensuring I don't have closets and closets and shelves and shelves of things to constantly have to be cleaning up.

If I don't want my child to get into something I either put it out of their climbing reach or behind a latch that they're unable to master until they're older. If they happen to get into something they shouldn't then it was my fault for leaving it out where they could get it. It doesn't make them an evil child, they're just learning. If I'm at someone else's home I am *mostly* diligent about keeping a close eye on them if I know they're prone to getting into things.

If my child needs some comforting in the middle of the night, whether that means crawling in my bed, a rub on their back in their bed, or even a super late night movie and snack, that's fine. They do know just what they need, it's my job to nurture that.

I, ALONE, (with the partnership of my husband) am responsible for the behaviors and actions of my children, if they behave in an unacceptable manner you can best believe I will do whatever the situation calls for to correct the behavior. If I find one of my actions to redirect ...or reteach their actions does not work I try something else, until I find something that DOES work. Yes, I have spanked on occasion and proud of it.

I have also found that 'do unto others' is a great rule to go by, within reason, with children. If they like to hit, kick, bite, pull hair the only way they will really understand the implications is if they've experienced such things.

It is in NO WAY up to me to determine what is right for another family. This is what works for mine. If I decide that in the middle of the grocery store, when my child starts throwing a fit about being hungry or thirsty, to serve my child a snack or drink that I plan on purchasing and letting her eat/drink throughout the store, that's MY choice. I'd rather have a satisfied child than a screaming one. Other times I deem it necessary to just ignore their fit and let them scream as they see fit.

I cook 98% of our meals, at home. Dinner is served AT the dinner table, with EVERYONE at the table (on the nights Brian isn't working). We all sit at the table together, with the TV turned off or placed in such a way that it is not viewable from the dinner table.

If someone decides they don't want something that is served a small effort is made to get them to at least eat a few bites, otherwise a leftover substitution is made or they just do without.

If they leave the table hungry because they didn't want to eat that's on them, I refuse to force them to sit there and eat if they truly are not interested in eating...this to me is an ACCEPTABLE natural consequence. I will put their leftovers in a container, into the fridge, then will reheat it later if they decide they are hungry. Afterall, I'm not always hungry at mealtimes, why should I expect them to be ready to eat right then. But they will sit there until either myself or Brian are done eating.

I do NOT deny my children sweets and 'junk' food. I simply limit what is available and make sure to have better alternatives on hand, at all times.

Stories are read every night before bed and bedtime routines are modified to fit the individual child to ensure that everyone is able to get some sleep (especially now that sleeping is no longer painful for Mikaila).

Rules at home are fairly lax, but rules away from home are strictly enforced, learned, and respected.

I use 'real' plates, silverware, etc and wash them over and over again, unless of course I'm going to have more people over than I have 'real' plates. My kitchen may be hot, my AC may be broke, and my dishwasher may not exist, but I refuse to be so lazy as to not be willing...or have my child, who is learning lifelong skills...to do the dishes on a daily basis. In the very least I own a $10 box fan.

I send my child to public school, without his own packed lunch on most days.

I do laundry on an every 3rd day-ish basis, therefore no one HAS to have 500 articles of clothing to have strung out everywhere. I put a limit of roughly 10-15 of each item (unless you count my shoes). Whatever is not worn & loved or has been outgrown just I give away.

I don't 'ban' my children from knowing their families because we have a difference of opinion, but I will limit their interaction with ones who are physically, mentally, and/or emotionally abusive. This even holds true for the dead beat sperm donor. He IS allowed, per MY decision, to have two hours of court SUPERVISED visits on the second Saturday of each month. HE chooses not to take advantage of this, not me. It is up to me to teach my children how to be respectful of EVERYONE, not just those that kiss my ass or bend to my desires.

I vaccinate my children, on the pediatric recommended schedule, just like I was, my siblings were, and likely my parents, as well as at least my cousins were and their children - the ONLY ones to have anything mentally or physically wrong with them are the ones that are afflicted with ailments completely unrelated to anything supposedly caused by vaccines.

I also had both my living children via cesarean - the first one because the doctor became impatient with me being in there for a THIRD weekend to have him, then I didn't progress quick enough for him to be home for dinner. Second one because it just wasn't feasible to attempt to drive 3 hrs to the nearest hospital that allowed VBACs, and because I picked her birthdate she was born at 37w3d - weighed in at 8lbs 4.5oz, with me smoking my whole pregnancy (yea, not terribly proud of that, but its done and over with and if 8lbs+ is going to be considered a low-weight newborn, born early, then so be it!)

For all of these choices and more I am PROUD of my parenting job. What I feel works for me, or what I'm learning doesn't work for me doesn't hold true for everyone, but that's their choice. At the end of the day all that matters is that myself and my children are happy and healthy about the choices I make (with my husband's help) about how to raise children. We may not see eye to eye but I can RESPECT that and withhold rude judgment, because who knows...in a few years I may change my mind about some things.

I also felt the need to add some more....

This was a 'response' to someone ALWAYS HARSHLY judging others' parenting decisions.

THEN takes and acts completely calloused about a motorist who, yes, was not wearing his seatbelt, but was killed in a car wreck. Calling it a 'natural consequence' and such. Just kinda pushed me over the edge of keeping my mouth shut and just looking past her judgments.

I seriously pray that she doesn't wind up with such a 'natural consequence' of her own...say loses a child because she wasn't able to keep all 3 from bolting from her and ending up getting hit by a car in a parking lot. I mean, in that case that would be considered a natural consequence, right? She should of kept better control of what her children did.

Or because she refuses to take one of her children in for allergy testing because they break out in hives on a regular basis from a food of some sort, that she's been unable to absolutely pin down and eliminate from the diet, that child winds up going into shock and medical personnel are too long in coming to her aid and she loses her child over it. I mean, that would be a natural consequence, right?

Then her 'pet' names for her children are Thing 1, 2, & 3...while referring to Thing 2 (the one also always breaking out in hives) as an evil, naughty, retched being...a gal who only happens to be a couple months older than Mikaila...when in reality it could be that her behaviors are related to her allergies, where many of Mikaila's were related to her ears...or in the very least related to the fact she's TWO, almost three.

Then other instances where she brow beat folks over choosing to have their young daughter's ears pierced, then turns around a month or so later and pierces her own not even (then) 1 year old's ears.

Or goes on and on and on about how HORRIBLE it is to send your child to public school...and has now signed her own child up for public school.

Or she goes recently and gets in her own wreck because she didn't pay attention and pulled out in front of someone, putting the lives of her children at risk, as well as the other persons in the other vehicle in jeopardy. Regardless of her "superior" car seat rules, if the other car had been going a bit quicker or been a bigger vehicle, besides a 2 door car vs her mini van, it could of been a completely different story.

Just CONSISTENT bullshit ALL THE TIME because she's so much better than everyone else.

THERE...now I think I feel better having gotten all of that off my chest. ☺

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Eight Years Ago...pt 1

...on this day was my due date. I went in for my regular check-up. I was measuring two weeks ahead by this time, so had another ultrasound. My ultrasound showed him to be weighing about 7lbs 8oz. My doctor was going to give me another three days to go into labor on my own before he induced me. None of us expected that it would take another 2 inductions - for a total of 3 - over the course of the next 18 days before I would get to hold my little big man with the help of a cesarean.

Edited to add the ugly side...because I promised myself I would quit hiding all the details....

The dead-beat that I was married to at the time started in on his criticism and degrading of me for this. Told me that real women go into labor on their own, that I was being lazy and the like. He went out that afternoon to go to work, did not get home until almost 5am, drunker than snot. During that evening I spent a lot of time walking the staircases and halls- we lived on the 3rd floor of an apartment building, that was designed like a nice hotel- so there were plenty of stairs and halls. I missed one of his phone calls during my walk, so when he finally got home, three hours after last call, I was apparently the one screwing around on him.

I ended up thankful that night that he was extremely drunk when he walked in. He passed out while in the middle of his outburst, crashed through a wall, and slept there all night... The next morning I moved the large solid oak entertainment center over to cover the hole in the wall, as well as the rest of the furniture in the living room to make it less obvious. I was 12 hours from friends and family that had already turned their back on me...believing me to be as immoral as the dead-beat had made me out to be.

Stay tuned over the next few weeks for the rest of the story....

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A Post a Day

HA! Who am I kidding?! If you're an avid reader of my blog you know that's me doing more of that crazy talk I do once in a while. I can count you lucky though if you catch more than five new posts from me a month, much less anything more than that, especially lately.

So some quick updates:

1) I'm not pregnant at this time. I'm going to be seeing a "real" gynecologist sometime next month to get to the bottom of getting this Mirena removed.

2) Mikaila goes in on the 1st of July to have surgery done to remove her adenoids and have tubes put in her ears. I guess I haven't given y'all that news... Because of her speech and behavioral issues we've been seeing a number of different therapists and specialists. A hearing test was ordered, but before her doc would sign off on it he wanted her to be seen by an ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat Specialist). The ENT noticed a lot of fluid built up, gave me a script of antibiotics to give her, followed up about 3 weeks later, there was zero change in the fluid, so the surgery was scheduled. The general consensus is that her tonsils and adenoids are larger than is necessary for a gal her size...likely have been all her life since she has snored every sleeping moment of her life. She's a big mouth breather as well, always has been, hence contributing to our problems with her being able to latch on comfortably to breastfeed, bottle feeding was slightly better, but I still had to hold the bottle just so. She's always ALWAYS had sleep issues...some months are WAY worse than others. She's always, ALWAYS, had a runny nose. There really is a long list and had she had a competent doctor to begin with most of these problems could of been taken care of a long time ago. Ironically it wasn't apparent or brought up in the traditional sense because she's only ever had two diagnosed ear infections. The fluid was always mentioned at her well-checks and other visits with her previous incompetent doctor's office, but nothing worthy of more note than that, apparently. UGH!

3) My ex has moved out of Oklahoma. He's supposedly living in Missouri now...and I just won't get into that whole can of "what the fuck" right now. There went my $200 a month child support payment...can I get a "big whoopdeedoo"/"what did you expect"?

4) Brian and I both have awesome health insurance now!

5) This week has been one positive after one negative bombshell all week long.

I'd go into more of the details, but I have an ugly stalker and care not to indulge her with everything too.

Later lovies!

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Mikeal has Hypothyroidism

Google is my worst enemy today...

A few weeks ago Mikeal told me that he was having passing out spells, three total that we're aware of to be exact, since around Christmas. Because of him starting wrestling around the same time that these things were going on I at first chalked it up to dehydration. We hydrated him, things seemed to be "fine", but then again there was no specific rhyme or reason to the black out spells, so didn't know what to think of it. Earlier this month my mom had a package for me on my child support stuff, so I had to go over there and get it....now my mom and I haven't talked AT ALL since Thanksgiving, so she didn't know of any of this stuff, etc. While I was there to get my mail from her we talked for a bit, it was actually a pleasant time, so I told her about all that was going on with the kids, what was going on with Mikaila starting therapy, my health issues and how they were resolved, and indulged her in some of the points of Mikeal's new issues. I left her place scared out of my gourd because she was able to tell me that a lot of what I had described about Mikeal was quite similar to my dad's starting issues. In case it's not known my dad had a heart condition that he had all of his life, but it was never detected until he'd undergone some serious tests, at age 32 when he had his first major heart attack. He died at age 44 from heart related issues and cancer.

Today I was called about the results of his blood work. The nurse said that Mikeal's blood levels and thyroid levels were low, so want to start him on a thyroid medication and to check back in 6 weeks for more blood work. Of course we're going to be moving during this time so I'll have to reschedule with a cardiologist in our new area and a doctor there for the follow-ups...

I went ahead and googled a bit to get more information...

BUT the information I got doesn't seem to really "fit" Mikeal...the information mentions things like stunted growth - he's in the 95% for both height and weight - and learning problems - he's in 2nd grade, top of his class, doing most things at a 4th-6th grade level - being the two big "clues" that there may be something going on. Other things mentioned were an increased sensitivity to cold...I have to FIGHT with him to put a coat on, and it's a battle to get him to wear gloves and a hat, even when it's only in the single digits outside and he'd play outside all day in such temps if I let him. It did mention fatigue, but he sleeps from about 8pm until 6-8am (depending on if he's trying to get out of riding the bus to school). Other things that were mentioned were autoimmune disorders such as Graves disease and Hashimoto thyroiditis or associated with diabetes and celiac disease.

I just feel a bit overwhelmed with it all. Supposedly the nurse is going to give me a call back later, after she's done seeing patients, to answer my questions (I hope) but I don't feel really all that "great" about getting to the probable cause of Mikeal's recent black out spells... that or maybe I'm just a bit disappointed that it came back with something I wasn't expecting, instead of what I was preparing myself to hear.

And now I'm full of every sort of question about this, follow-ups, ways to check for maybe one of the other things as being the cause, etc...and feel like I'm going to be brushed off...I'm not fond of the nurse because at Mikeal's last well check-up I had mentioned some things that seemed a bit "off" about Mikeal and she blew it off as just "normal" 7 year old boy stuff. I feel awful now for just rolling with it because Mikeal has never been able to be classified as "normal" ...I really thought that people were exaggerating "terrible twos" because Mikeal was a blessing, and his 3 year old year was only really terrible for about a month...Mikaila has given me a whole new take on "normal"...but Mikeal, no.

And now having googled, and thinking more about it, the concerns I'd brought up with her, back in August, actually match more with the information I've ran across with my google searches. But because she said these were normal things I let it go and didn't pay attention to it anymore as a concern.

Ugh.

****

So since starting to make that portion of the post I have talked to a nurse at his doctor's office.

I asked her about the possible cause, specifically the auto immune disease possibilities & diabetes, she reassured me the the only "not good" or concerning parts of the blood tests were his low red blood count (RBC) & low thyroid levels, so he JUST has thyroid problems, RBC should go back up when his thyroid levels go up on the meds. He has to take the med daily then retest in 6-8 weeks to make sure the meds are a high enough dose, etc. She said it is most likely hereditary as his bio father's side has thyroid issues everywhere. Also because it was caught in "later" childhood and caught in its early warning stage phase he should not have any permanent damage...such as newborns can have thyroid issues and if untreated or caught later could cause permanent brain damage. If his issues were to go undetected and untreated into adulthood it could cause a lot of issues as well, such as heart problems, weight issues, behavioral issues, and academic problems..where he's excelling now he could be way behind in a few years.

Treatment is just a pill a day and regular blood work, most likely for the rest of his life.

For more information on Hypothyroidism in children I found this website to be quite informational.

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Ex-husband vent.

I'm needing to send my ex a letter of my intent to move....one of those things in our divorce decree, so that I can give him "adequate" time to file for a change of visitations, etc....either 30 before I move or up to ten days immediately after my move, whichever is most doable.

As it stands he's allowed visits on the 2nd Saturday of the month, under the supervision of a court mediator, between the hours of 2pm and 4pm. He also is not able to change the visitations from that until after he has participated in a divorce counseling seminar (judge's decree, I had to attend that too). So I'm not worried about my ex who won't show for court on child support matters to attempt to take me to court to change the visitations. Furthermore, my ex has only seen Mikeal TWICE since I left him when Mikeal was 13 months old....he's now 7 1/2. He saw Mikeal for a few hours during Easter when Mikeal was about 18 months old - my ex's adopted dad took Mikeal and I up to Kansas City to visit him hoping that I'd reconsider getting the divorce. And then he didn't see Mikeal again until he was 3 years old, and hasn't since. During this time my ex has also only sent 3 letters, and has made a few phone calls to my mom's house, or rather, had his mother call. Now, my ex-MIL started calling in early October of this past year, would call and talk to Mikeal on a regular basis...then stopped calling altogether, about the time my ex was picked up again on the failure to pay support...haven't heard anything from them since outside of the courtroom while my ex was sporting the county jumpsuit and silver bracelets.

BUT as a responsible, law abiding mother I am still required to do my part to inform my ex of where I'm going to be taking Mikeal.

I have to provide address, phone number (don't have one yet), and the reason for our move.

I haven't actually written one of these letters because prior to this move I thought I just had to update with the child support officers and the court, plus my ex was in either jail or a halfway house, and I'd just call his grandma (who absolutely hates him and his mother's side of the family for all the lies and stealing they've done to her) let his grandma know that I was moving, she'd in-turn tell her son (ex's bio father) and he's in turn tell ex's mother, and she'd tell ex...I'd know he got the message because I'd get a letter from him telling me what kind of horrible person I was for keeping him away from his son...as if his being in jail 600 miles away, BEFORE I moved another 600 miles down the road, didn't have anything to do with that anyways... But I found out today from my lawyer I have to send the notice to him since the protective order is no longer in place...it expired on Mikaila's first birthday and there hasn't been enough probable cause for the courts to renew it.

I really wouldn't even bother with sending a letter except for the fact his grandmother is in her 90s and she's already had to deal with physical assaults from him, threats, and the like, so I don't want her to be put in such a position, at least not because of something I told her and she passed along. She's a great lady, now that she knows I wasn't making up all the stuff I'd told them about my ex and my reasons for leaving him...my ex in a drunken state one evening, while living with her, went on and on about a lot of the things he'd done to me....prior to that everyone thought I was the horrible lying cheating whore he'd made me out to be, because there's no way that ex would ever do such things, he's made good money, he's the first one of that family to actually graduate high school, he'd never been arrested, and blah blah blah....VERY high marks for that family, let me tell you.

So my problem now is how do I go about writing this letter and then sending it so as to keep my ass covered with it all. His family is the sort that will use any chance they think they have to make life miserable for me...such as trying to bring me back to court to get custody of Mikeal...granted they haven't tried that since spending almost $20K to several different lawyers when Mikeal was 2 and the multiple judges laughed them all out of court, but still it worries me.

In also don't have an address for my ex...I have one for his mother and I think his bio father, but not for him personally...he hasn't lived at his sex offender registered address for at least a year, and it took the courts over 8 months to actually find him to arrest him, only to release him again.

My lawyer's secretary just said that I needed to send it certified mail, in the care of his mother to him and leave it at that. Again, I haven't talked to his mother since he beginning of November and then she claimed to have nothing to do with her son because he's tried multiple times to kill himself, she caught him shooting up in her house, so kicked him out, the like...yea, whatever, he probably just wouldn't share with her so she kicked him out, but that's something for another day...

Ugh...I'm so sick of trying to do right in this whole deal. I just want to be able to be rid of my ex and be able to live my life with my wonderful husband and children without having my ex always in the shadows of everything I do!

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I'm not terribly happy...

School has been canceled for tomorrow.



That is all.



Mikeal has been whining to go back to school for the last few days...



This snow, it's not "normal" for us. We get roughly 3-6 snow falls a year....most of them happening in February & March...We've had 4 so far this year, one was even considered a blizzard (because of the winds, not because we ended up with 3 feet of snow)


There has been snow on the ground here since a few days before Christmas. Snow does NOT stay on the ground here, period. Two days, MAX! But NOOOOOOOO this snow just stays around. Only once has the temp been above freezing...and that day I actually thought it felt "nice" outside...it was 36*F I didn't even fuss over wearing a coat that day.


I'm very VERY much so over winter at this point.


What makes it all so much better is that 36* a few days ago is the highest temp of the forecast, since before Christmas... Tomorrow it's just supposed to be cold. By Tuesday/Wednesday another snow storm is going to be moving in. And with that our HIGH temps might be in the teens.


Yes, I'm WHINING. I realize that most of you are Yanks or Canucks....but there's a solid reason I don't live any further north than I am now...actually the only thing solid I can think of is ice, and ice is cold, and that's good enough solid reason for me to stay south.

TO put it in perspective - this time last year I was working the dirt in my garden, adding fresh dirt to it, etc so that it'd be ready when it got closer to Spring. Yes, I was out there, in my GARDEN, building it and working the dirt in JANUARY! I'd started my seedlings the 2nd of January. Right now...I can't even SEE my garden, much less try to be working the dirt. And it's just too windy & COLD to let the kids out to play, the wind just stings like a SOB!

But it makes for some pretty pictures.

Three trees that make for interesting photos...they're across the street in the landlady's field.

Up one of the trees...I think I'd attempted to take a pic of a cardinal, but they don't sit still long enough for me to get a picture.

My backyard

The "cool" neighbor's cows...here in a few months one of these will be sitting in my freezer.

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2010

This year holds a lot of promise for our family!

Mikaila will be starting into a pre-Head Start type program, not exactly sure when as the building has not been built yet, but she is on the waiting list.

Mikeal will be continuing with his wrestling. There has been a lot of snow lately, so wrestling practices have not been held this entire Winter Vacation, maybe things will clear up enough that the kids & coaches will be able to get back into the swing of things.

Brian just got his ASE certification and will be starting his assistant manager's training, so we're holding out hope that an assistant manager position will be opened up in the area so he can slide on into that vacancy.

I'm hanging in here. I had considered going back to school this spring, but believe I'll wait until we know for sure where everything else is headed, this way instead of trying to budget and plan around 4 different schedules we can work with the three...leaving one of the drivers open for this shuttling.

As far family plans we have a few in the works. Our water well is going to be "tanked" so that I'll be able to do my laundry at home, without the hassle of having to wait 3-8 hours between the wash & rinse cycles, and then have to wait another 8 hours or so until we're able to use water period in the house. So that will be completely fixed! YAY!

We're also planning on putting up a privacy fence down the entire length of the one side of our yard. We're just completely tired of chasing off their pregnant/nursing dog, who's constantly tearing through everything, looking for a bite to eat. The building of the privacy fence will also DRASTICALLY reduce the creepy feeling I get just stepping out onto my front porch, feeling like my every move is being watched like a hawk. Hopefully some of the harassment from the local law enforcement & subsidiaries will slow down as well. The biggest bonus of all - being able to walk out my front door and not have to see any of their garbage & junk piled up almost staring in my face. I could maybe go even as far as to say that the garbage that blows around in their yard will not be landing in my yard, for me to have to pick up; am hoping the fence stops it and it all just piles up on their side, instead of making it's way to the fence line between my place and the neighbor's pasture. I'm quite sure the old man will throw a fit over the fence, but that just sucks to be him! He can either get over it or have a heart attack freaking out over it, oh well.

I'm also hoping to be able to climb around in my attic at some point. Maybe put up some more insulation, some plywood, or even some sheet rock in there to finish it off. I know at the one end the clearance is only barely big enough to be used as a storage area, but that would save us shed space and closet space, especially since the water tank unit that's going to be going in is going to take up most of the shed space as it is.

After all is said and done in these areas of home improvement, then we should be right on track to start the add-ons! I can't wait to nearly double our house space!!!!

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Update about Mikaila's Therapy Progress!

Because I really have nothing better to do than try to hold her and receive several more bruises, I might as well...(1:30am, when I started this post)

Her vocabulary is starting to "explode" in recent weeks, mainly due to the fact we have been able to figure out that if the words come with some sort of ACTION she's more willing to say them, so we're adding in a little bit of pseudo sign language into her verbal language.

*Making a circle with both her hands, like she's holding a cup, is for drink & she says "dink"
*Clasping both her hands together, looking like she's begging with big ol' puppy dog pleading eyes is for please (Brian taught her this one) - she does repeatedly say "peassssss"...and really with that set-up it's HARD to resist
*She's counting to 3 now, usually starting at 2, after you say 1....so that goes "(me: One) her: tew, tree, WEEEEEEEEEEEEE followed by some death defying stunt.
*ANY time she even remotely bumps into ANYthing she will say "owie", make a bit of a fuss, get a kiss, & all is well again...this mainly started after she tried to stir dinner without my assistance - I had turned off the burner, before running to go to the bathroom, but the pan was hot & she grabbed it and the spoon to try to stir it. BUT now, FINALLY everytime I have the stove or oven on she puts her hand just close enough to test the heat, then will say "haw,(hot) NO, owie"
*She crosses her arms across her chest for Thank you, while saying "tanks" UNLESS her hands are full with whatever it is she'd been wanting, then she'll just nod and say "tanks"
*She follows me around, or when I'm getting onto her she shakes her finger at me and tells me "NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO"
*When she eats something she likes she'll let you know it's "g d tuff" (good stuff without the oo)
*Anything empty is referred to as "aw gon" (all gone) complete with a twisting of her wrists & she'll take the empty dish to the sink & trash to the trash can...now if I could only get the guys trained to do this
*and she'll "shhhh" someone, complete with a finger over her mouth if they're being too loud

That's all I can think of. Figuring out that putting an ACTION with different words makes a complete world of difference in our frustration levels with each other, she gets frustrated because I can't figure out what a finger point to the fridge is with the E E E and I get frustrated because she's frustrated, wants SOMETHING, is INSISTENT on trying to get it, but after 50 guesses as to what she may want and her throwing a tantrum that that wasn't WHAT she'd wanted, kinda wears on you, especially when it's repeated every few minutes.

She is starting to do a LOT better at transitioning from one activity to another, isn't focusing so much on one particular toy/activity. In the past she'd leave what she was doing for 2 minutes max, before going back to doing it or throwing a fit if she wasn't allowed to.

Her therapist did share a link with me on Sensory Disorders, that has a complete check-list of things for me to go through and mark off whatever I think describes her...go figure that she "scored HIGH" in the section of Hyposensitivity To Movement or Under-Responsive, meaning she constantly is seeking out movement, always has to be on the go go go go AND loves Sensory Seeking Behaviors, again movement related, so I'm going to bring that up at our next therapy session...

I just finished reading a lot on that site, as I was basically forcing Mikaila to sit still long enough to go to sleep But at least she's out now...time was only 2:40 when she finally STOPPED long enough TO go to sleep. It takes every bit of my strength that I can get mustered up at this time of day to hold her arms & legs still long enough to get her to BE still, then she'll finally relent when she realizes she is NOT going to fight her way out of it this time because I am at the end of that rope, so then she'll cuddle in, continuously move my head just so to suit her, move my arms where she wants them, often wanting me to squeeze tighter around her, then she's out. I honestly just don't have good strength to keep doing this and I am in so much flippin' PAIN it's not even describable. One of these days I figure I'll be able to have enough scrimped back to where I can treat myself to something like a massage, because heaven forbid my husband who went to massage therapy school for a short period of time, before one of his work related injuries, would give me a good massage. I know he works and such, plus has a pretty full social life so that puts time constraints on us...then there's the matter of Mikaila and her no sleepiness, making it such that I can't even think about going to bed until some 4-6 hours after Brian's been snoring.

I digress though. I'm really happy about figuring out about putting some actions with words, because she REALLY absorbs all of that unbelievably! Now it's a matter of figuring out some other actions to go with a few other words (mainly just for our joint sanity) and hoping that she picks up saying other words without actions to go with them all.

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Mikeal's First Wrestling Tournament

He did AWESOME!

He did not win either of his matches, but he did great! I did find it a bit funny to find that his coaches called in his name as Bonds, but it's all good and well, neither Mikeal nor myself minded. Pictures can be found here.

We went to his first tournament Saturday. His first round he went up against a girl...she had him pinned in the first round, he didn't give up, and he tried, but it was quite obvious that she's been doing this for a while, else has a few older brothers who've taught her quite a few things. Mikeal left the match smiling, regardless. I can't tell you how many of those kids I saw BALLING because they'd lost their match! Then to top it off their parents or coaches getting onto them, making them feel even worse.

His second match was against a boy in the "loser's bracket" he didn't win that match, but it wasn't because he was pinned, it was just because after the end of 3 rounds the other boy had more points. The other boy was rough on Mikeal but he didn't give up again and despite getting a bit of a bruising he again walked away from it smiling.

I was so completely proud of him!!! I'll upload some pictures when I get them loaded onto the computer.

But it was NOISY in there.

Just imagine 4 matches going on at the same time. Divisions 1 & 2...which are ages 5-8...roughly 100 kids in that age group, in that small gym. Because of the 4 matches you had roughly 16 coaches all screaming at the kids, telling them what moves to make...2 coaches per kid wrestling. Add in on that parents, grandparents, etc cheering on the kids on the mats, AND siblings all playing, yelling, running around...it was like an utter madhouse!


Poor Mikaila, who hadn't had but a couple of hours of sleep REFUSED to go to sleep, even when I'd take her out where it was significantly quieter...but she did finally sleep for about 5 hours, while I did the Christmas shopping, wrapping, the drive home, etc.

But I'm REALLY proud of Mikeal! I was so awesome to watch him "lose" because to see him after not being announced the winner you could tell that it didn't bother him and he just had a ton of fun! His coaches are also quite awesome!

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