Showing posts with label proud. Show all posts
Showing posts with label proud. Show all posts

Friday, October 21, 2011

The Things I Carry

Cold metals have left their marks,
The smooth thin lines,
Barely recognizable as the years have passed;
Prove that I am capable of surviving. 

Laid there in fits of drunken anger
The blood, hot against the cold steel,
portrayed my marriage perfectly.

Four of them adorn my body,
each one followed by a promise
of sobriety,
of change,
of transformation.

At the time I believed he would
be the one to perform these actions.

Vile from my heart would fall out,
sounding like gentle roses upon his ears;
promises that I would love him,
be true to him,
and stand by him.

With each instance that I had to reaffirm
these promises to him
my resolve to find a way to escape solidified.

I changed from a young girl
wishing to be blissfully married
to a mother of a young child.

I transformed myself
from a scared mother
to a strong,
independent,
single mother.

Fresher marks now adorn my body.

Creases around my mouth and eyes
prove that I have learned to laugh again,
to smile without end.

Other new metals now wrap my finger;
the combination of metals and stones
affirm to me that I am now safe,
loved,
cherished.

The cool metals now warm my heart and soul.

The scars across my abdomen,
numb to the touch
attest that I have birthed two healthy children.

Their laughter and giggles fill my head
and overflow my heart on a daily basis.

My body carries permanent reminders
of a life I once lived
as well as markers of a life I live now.

I sobered up to the idea of what love,
faithfulness,
and marriage was about.

The scars I carry with me
serve as a reminder to a life once lived;
a warning to others of a life that shouldn’t be theirs;
a prayer that intelligence overrides passion.







....Mostly written as part of my Literature writing assignment in response to "The Things They Carried" by Tim O'Brien, but wish to keep it & share it here.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Four Steps to Putting Away Laundry

Step #1 : Get little sister on your shoulders. Make sure she has a hanger of clothes between her teeth, so she can hold on to your head...


Step #2 : Stand & steady little sister on the shoulders....

Step #3 : Walk to the closet, closer, closer, closer....Hold steady. Little Sister gets the hanger on the bar. Declare Victory!!!!

Step #4 : Repeat until all closet clothes are off the bed & in the closet...


How do you get the laundry put away at your house?

Monday, May 2, 2011

May Day

Twitter was afire this evening, as I'm sure you're well aware.

Many significant things occurred on the date of May 1 over just the last 80 years of history:

May 1, 1930 the ninth planet of our solar system was named, Pluto.
May 1, 1931 the Empire State Building was dedicated in New York City.
May 1, 1945 Adolf Hitler was confirmed as dead.
May 1, 1948 North Korea is established with Kim Il-sung as leader.
May 1, 1956 the Polio vaccine is made available to the public.
May 1, 1961 Castro declares Cuba to be a socialist nation and does away with elections.
May 1, 1970 President Nixon announces that Armed forces in Vietnam would be entering a neutral county, Cambodia, in pursuit of enemy troops.
May 1, 1978 Naomi Uemura becomes the first person to reach the North Pole alone, via dog sled.
May 1, 1982 The World Fair opens in Knoxville, TN.
May 1, 2003 President George W. Bush announced to the world "Mission Accomplished" in regards to major combat operations in Iraq, declaring that the operations have ended.
May 1, 2009 Sweden legalizes same-sex marriage country-wide.
May 1, 2011 President Obama announces that Osama bin Laden has been confirmed dead, at the hands of United States Armed Forces.


Yes, the terrorist leader that was in charge of the attacks that occurred on American soil, by using American jets, has been proclaimed and confirmed as being dead.

There is much cheering, Hoorah-ing, and shared patriotism across this country...Democrats & Republicans alike standing side by side, each supporting the team they're on, but shoulder to shoulder, with the same chants. Both Democrats & Republicans are not sad to hear of the death of Osama bin Laden. This manhunt & issuing war started almost 10 years ago, under the direction of a Republican President and now the manhunt has ended under the direction of a Democratic President. This is not a victory for Bush, nor is a victory for Obama. BUT it IS a victory for both of them. As Commander in Chief they are in charge of directing the Armed Forces and it is under that direction that they are in the Middle Eastern deserts to begin with.

Now, I do not agree with all or even many aspects of this particular war. It has, in my non-essential opinion, been a war that was started not only in a country hundreds of miles away from the supposed target, but had the feel of just being a grudge fuck to finish the job started by a man's daddy nearly two decades before. This war has left us shamefully in debt, the country deeply divided along party & racist lines, and THOUSANDS of young men & women lying in graves.

Of course, I'm not discounting the role self-entitled assholes played in this country going into severe debt by their scandals, billions in bailouts to companies that never deserved such in the first place, who have no intentions of repaying their debts, whether outright paying their debts or by paying taxes. Tax cuts for companies and individuals who net millions of dollars every year so that they can own luxury items en masse and do nothing really for anyone else.

All that aside, the news of Osama's death did bring a feeling of closure to my being. See, I remember the morning of September 11, 2001. Ironic as it may sound I actually wrote this poem before going to sleep around 3am that morning, before the attacks...and it would seem that I have not actually typed it up into this blog, so I'll have to find my written copy and type it up for you, unless I can find it on Poetry.com...and it would turn out to be that poetry.com is shutting down on May 4th...ironically my 29th birthday...and searching for myself turns up tens of thousands of poems, either by a Stephanie or that mention Stephanie in it. I also tried other search variations to no avail. So, I guess for the purpose of this paragraph I'll include a typed version of the poem at the end of this post, so to keep myself on track with this post, and then I'll also create a completely separate post for that poem. I keep telling myself I'll get these all typed up and stuck in my blog, and I keep slacking on that.

As I was saying, though, I very distinctly remember September 11, 2001. I was just barely 19 years old, living in Decatur, Arkansas, in my cousin's grandmother's attic. I had met my (now) ex-husband just a few months beforehand, he was away at truck driving school - heh, what a waste of time & money - in fact he graduated with his CDL on September 11, 2001. I was working at Ruby Tuesday as a server during the evenings and worked at Sonic during the day as an assistant manager. When I got home from work it was well after midnight of 9/11. I called a dear friend of mine to see how he was doing, etc...he told me of his nuptial exchange earlier that evening and pending deployment to Iraq, scheduled for the next morning. Keep in mind this is before the fateful attacks.

My parents were both sitting in a county jail roughly 100 miles away, one of these days I promise to tell that story, it's been almost 10 years and I still am boiling angry over it all. My brother, Daniel, was also sitting in the jail for being a punk. Samantha and Duke were living with my dad's oldest sister & her husband.

My head & heart were both quite heavy with everything going on in my personal life, I reflected back on my life, and started deeply missing my late husband...he'd been killed in a car wreck roughly 18 months before. He inspired the poem I wrote that early morning.

After a few hours of tears I passed out and slumbered, I didn't have to be at work until 4pm at Ruby Tuesday, I was off work from Sonic the next morning. I had plans of sleeping until well after noon.

My plans were shattered with a phone call. Since I shared the house phone line with Grandma Wanda I generally allowed it to ring several times before I answered it early in the mornings. This particular morning I answered the phone around the 5th ring. It was my Aunt Renae, Wanda is her mother, Renae is also married to my dad's older brother. ((another tidbit, Renae's older brother is married to my dad's older sister)) That's how tight my family was - folks marrying their in-laws(heh heh).

Renae was in a panic, told me to turn on Good Morning America, something about a plane, and asked where her momma was...I looked out my window, saw that her car was gone, it turns out she was taking a friend of hers to a doctor's appointment that morning.

I sat there in a sleep deprived state and turned on my TV, flipped to the appropriate channel, and then sat there confused by what I was seeing. The reporter (and her name escapes me at this moment) was reporting about a plane hitting one of the Twin Towers directly behind her open window studio, you could see the smoke pouring out of the building. My heart stopped cold. My late husband's father had just received a job position that put him on the 103rd floor of the North tower. The first one hit. As I sat there watching the coverage I no longer was tired from being up until well after 3am. I sat there in shock attempting to absorb what was going on, not really hearing what was being reported. I just remember holding the phone to my ear in stunned silence.

It was as I was watching the coverage of the first building being hit that I saw, as I'm sure hundreds of thousands others saw, the second plane fly into view and hit the second of the Twin Towers. For the next several hours I sat there in the middle of my bed in stunned silence as I watched the events play out, live. Later in the afternoon I gathered up the courage to call my late-husband's father's cell phone...to no avail. I only received a recorded message telling me that service was unavailable at this time. I called his wife, who was still in Decatur, Georgia, having given birth to twin girls not but a few weeks before, she stayed in their home there until he was able to find a place for them to all move into. She had no news of him either. We grieved for him and so many other victims together, hundreds of miles apart. We kept the phone conversation short in case by some miracle he survived and tried to call.

I went to work as scheduled. The restaurant was empty all day sans a few customers here and there. We went down to a minimum staff and I stayed there in an effort to keep busy. Parts of me later wish I had not been the one to volunteer to stay. I spent part of that evening being interrogated by 'important officials'. See, I worked at the Ruby Tuesday that was just down the street from the Wal-Mart Home Offices, in Bentonville, Arkansas. There's not too many decent eating establishments nearby, at least not then, so it was an ideal easy place to get to. Traffic was also a bitch because there were lines for miles of persons attempting to get gas for their vehicles...and of course price gauging was rampant! Everyone was in fear of there being no gas by morning, so everyone was willing to pay $5-8 per gallon - I count myself fortunate that I was too broke to even attempt nonsense and I still had enough gas in my car to make it home & back to work, I'd wait until the lines weren't atrocious, at least. The gas prices went back down to the low $1.20 range again by morning, so I missed that expense. Back to my interrogation...It really wasn't more than a 20 minute conversation that left me feeling like a small pile of rubble. See, you have to understand, I really don't notice things like a person's skin color, private conversations, accents, the like...I'm not lying, I really don't, or didn't, since that day I've done a wee bit better about paying closer attention to folks, but nothing significant. My job was to serve food, refill drinks, and then clean-up afterward. If my customers engaged me in conversation I was polite, conversed, and went on my way. Over time I'd recognize regular customers, but most folks were only there for 30-45 minutes and I'd never see them again, to the tune of a hundred folks or more a day.

There was a particular table of two men that I waited on, they sat in a small booth, in the next booth sat another man who, from there side he was sitting on, was able to see these two men converse. According to the single man, the two men in the other booth spoke a foreign language, but their gestures & overall body language suggested to him that they were happy about the attacks of the morning. I know I waited on the two men, as I was the only server on duty for the non-smoking side of the establishment, but I honestly have no recollection of anything regarding them, not a few hours later, not now. I found out, just prior to being questioned by the officials, from my manager that the gentleman I'd complained about as being a crappy tipper & squatter, actually waited until the other men left, then followed them out. Apparently they were driving a white, unmarked van, with Canada tags.

I also found out the next day that the van was full of explosives, much like the ones used in the Oklahoma City Bombing, and the intended plan was to take out the Wal-Mart Home Office building...or maybe the elaborate satellite system that Wal-Mart has in that area...hearsay is a wonderful thing, isn't it? I was questioned because I had served these men and they'd been in the establishment, talking, for quite sometime. Again, I reiterate, I pay no attention, whatsoever, to someone else's private conversation, unless a word or phrase catches my attention. On Sept 11, 2001, nothing really caught my attention. I went through the motions of doing my job, I smiled, I was friendly, I did everything under the roof of that building to attempt to keep myself from watching any of the numerous televisions in the building.

I was interrogated nonetheless, I remember my manager making a huge deal out of it, telling me I needed to pay attention when such things were going on, or something to that general effect. Of course I told him the same things I told the officials, or told the officials the same things I'd told him. I had absolutely no clue, I didn't exactly remember serving them until I lined up the table number with the approximate time and went through my sales record. They ate some salads and drank tea...I recalled them because there had been some sort of issue with one of the salads, they were both polite, and had left me a fair tip - outside of that I had/have no clue.

Later that evening, as I was sitting in my bed, glued to the television, willing the phone to ring with news of my late-husband's father, I got a call from my (now) ex-husband, telling me that the bus schedule was completely out of whack, and he'd like for me to make the 8-hour drive out to Springfield, Missouri, to pick him up from the truck driving school. To which I obliged, after taking a very short nap. I made the drive out there, then made the drive back because he was drunk when I picked him up and slept the whole way back. I slept for a few hours at his place before driving the hour back to my place so I could get ready for work again the next morning.

My hopes of hearing anything about my late-husband's father dwindled down to near nothing as the hours ticked slowly by. Every hour I wasn't asleep from exhaustion I spent glued to a television set or going through the motions of doing my job.

At 8:49pm, September 15th I received the phone call. Hearing the voice of what should have been my (step)mother-in-law on the other end of the phone stopped my heart. She was hysterically crying and incoherently speaking. I was finally able to register the words she was trying to say. He was alive. Later I learned that he had come down with a stomach virus or food poisoning of some sort that rendered him unable to leave a bathroom for any length of time, so had missed work that particular morning. He also said it wasn't until the next morning that he even knew what had all transpired while he was sick & in bed, or the bathroom, as he was 'getting ready for work'. He'd flipped on the news, per his normal morning routine, and saw that he had no where to go to work. He'd relentlessly tried calling, but he was getting many of the same error messages we were getting.

I left out on the morning of the 18th to join the clean-up effort. I still cannot even think into words the impact that experience left me with. The images in my head haunt me to this day.

That is why it saddened and angered me as I was reading posts on Facebook upon the announcement that Osama bin Laden was confirmed dead, at the hands of United States Armed Forces.

Statuses such as :
"hopefully there won't be as much coverage about Osama as there was on Michael Jackson..." With a follow-up comment of "I watched it when I was about 11 but don't remember it hardly at all. "

Then others who, are older than myself even, so they definitely remember the day, posting that they won't believe it until they see his dead body, suggesting that President Obama and such are just lying about Osama's death. Of course they're the same persons who don't have enough faith in this country to verify that the President is actually legal to be President...Trump & Palin supporters to put it mildly.

Then of course you have the persons who are angry with President Obama for him being proud of this accomplishment...because it's, in their eyes, President W. Bush's victory, even though he was at the helm of the search for 7 years, but he was searching in caves & deserts, instead of the country, two countries away, where Osama was actually staying, in a mansion.

THOUSANDS of lives have been lost during this war that has been going on for nearly a decade now. More than half of that time we've been at war in the wrong country to even begin to search for Osama. Yes, we got Saddam Hussein, 20 years after the original war to find & destroy him had started, and almost 15 years since that particular war 'came to an end'.

This isn't an accomplishment to be taken lightly or for persons to fuss petty bullshit about. Real women, men, daughters, sons, wives, husbands, mothers, and fathers all lost their lives in the efforts for this day to be seen. Others are now afflicted with lifelong handicaps - mental & physical - as a result of working towards seeing this day come about.

My own baby brother, although only 14 or so at the time of the attacks in this country, proudly worked his tail off to be able to serve as a Marine. He's had surgery on both his feet and a knee as a result of a roadside bomb that went off near his convoy while he was in Afghanistan. He was in the desert and mountains working to accomplish this goal, as his wife, another great Marine, was pregnant with their first child, on base, in Japan, and then North Carolina. He was only of the luckiest ones of his convoy to escape with only a few scars now to show for it and a second baby now on the way, just a year later.

But, as the world, and more specifically, citizens of the United States, rejoice and squabble at the news of Osama's death, Duke's job has not been declared done. At any given moment he could be called upon to make another trek into the deserts and mountains on the other side of the planet. He could potentially, again, miss the birth of one of his children, this time a daughter, as he fights to ensure that we are each able to safely see our own children come safely into this world.

I remember being completely overjoyed when my parents brought him home from the hospital, days after he was born. I was barely 5 years old but there was nothing so exciting as having a new baby brother to look after. When I became pregnant with my own children I was given great birthing stories from my mother, who endured four pregnancies and labors, without the aid of pain meds. The story of her pregnancy & delivery of Duke is nothing short of a miracle. By all rights he cheated death at birth. The placenta detached and pieces were being delivered prior to Duke making his appearance. By sheer luck or a miracle Duke was born without any other issues. The odds of him surviving were slim to none, if you go by the 'rules' of child birth, but he did it.

Mikeal completely idolizes his Uncle Duke. He'd do anything for or with Duke, happily. The part that makes me a 'bad' mommy or big sister is when the two of them are together I often confuse their names. I'll call Mikeal Duke and Duke Mikeal and I would fight to the death for either one of them. Truth be told, when I found out Duke was considering a military career I threw my hat in to join the military as well, I was denied though because I was a single mom at the time...I think the recruiter also wasn't terribly fond of me telling him I wanted to join because I wanted to be President and I thought that it'd only be fitting if I had some service experience on my resume. He's one of those hard-assed uptight Republicans that thinks a woman in office would be the worse thing to ever happen to this country, period, end of story.

I digress though. I'm at peace knowing that the mission to capture & kill Osama is now accomplished - only 8 years after someone claimed some mission in this pursuit to have been accomplished. However, it is with a heavy heart that I continue to move forward. My prayers and thoughts are with all the dedicated service men and women, both those still caught in this mess, and the families of those who have died as a result of this mess. May each of them be greeted with the respect and honor they each rightfully deserve and have earned.

♥ I love you Duker!!! ♥
((and Amanda))

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Happy Anxiety

This post is going to sound like a complete oxymoron, but it's the truth of how I'm feeling.

Brian recently was offered a job, making significantly more than he's ever made. Not a gradual increase that comes from working for a company for years on end, but a sudden shift in our income level. We've gone from poverty-income levels to awesome middle class income levels. Almost a doubling of our income, just like that.

He's been doing the two job thing for the last two weeks, to be sure that the new job was going to honestly pan out, and it is panning out beautifully.

I grew up in a poverty level home, did have a short marriage to my ex where our income was nearly six digits a year, but he blew it all drinking and running around, so I still had to work to provide for Mikeal during my pregnancy and some afterward....that or I would 'steal' money from my ex's pants pockets while he was passed out so I could purchase necessities. So for almost 30 years I've known nothing but how to scrimp, scrounge, and barely squeak by, I knew exactly where every dime was going to be going all year long...if you could see my calendars over the last few years you'd see where I've written down exactly which bill was going to be paid with what paycheck and where I needed to find a way to make a way to squeeze out a few extra bucks.

I don't HAVE to do that now. I'll still be keeping up with when what bill needs to be paid when, that's just normal, but now we have money to DO things. We CAN take the kids out to eat more than once every few months. We CAN buy new shoes & clothes as needed, or as desired, without having to rely on whether or not a child support payment will come through or whether or not we're able to score a great deal or know someone who has children our children's sizes and have hand-me-downs to get rid of. We CAN take the kids to the movies once in a while without having to try to push a bill around to make it possible. We CAN do these things and it's not going to be a choice of food or fun. We can now do both.

The realization is overwhelming when I tell the truth. Our wants don't all have to be pushed until after we get our income tax refund, then IF we have anything left over after making up slack in our needs, we can fulfill some of our wants, whenever now. THAT is overwhelming, both negatively and positively. I'm still quite the frugal duck, who's always quite the pessimist when it comes to such positive things, simply because I know just how fragile such things are. If we were to screw up or something were to happen and we've spent willy nilly when we had surplus and added more bills because we could - we'll screw ourselves. We'll wind up no better than those folks who cry "pity me because I lost my house I couldn't afford in the first place, then racked up all my credit to the max, and now I'm in such financial dire straights because I had to constantly go bigger and deeper in the money hole to keep up with what society thinks I have to have." To further illustrate that point I recently purchased my first ever pair of tennis shoes (albeit, on clearance) that cost me just over $80...I was near panic when we left the shoe store! I think my most expensive pair of shoes ever was only $25, and that was because I'd caught a 75% off all clearance items sale, it'd been marked down from $125 to $90, then take another 75% off that. (They're my much coveted knee high black leather platform heeled boots.)

I'm sorry, I'm not a 'live beyond my means' type of gal. I'm absolutely happy with buying a house in the future that the payments on it could still be made if Brian found himself unemployed and could only find a job at McDonalds. I loathe - hear that - LOATHE the whole concept of credit cards and buying things on credit. In the last 6 years the ONLY things I have willingly purchased with the aid of a loan has been a cook stove and a car - the cook stove simply because every 'free/cheap' replacement we were able to find right then did not work or were dangerous to operate. I had it paid off in a year...and now, since we're in a house that's all electric, it only sits in my basement collecting dust. The car was a similar situation, we had to have a second vehicle, the one we bought outright with cash last year, after moving here, caught fire, so we took out a small loan to get a more reliable vehicle. We'll have it paid off next year, after paying on it for the last year. So long as Brian's truck gets running again soon we should be fine as far as vehicles go. ((It also doesn't hurt to have a father-in-law who is a used car sales person ;-) .))

So...with all that said I am anxious. The best parable I can make is to liken it to parenthood. You try and try to get pregnant, have some failures along the way, until you get to the point of accepting your lot in life - you still try, but you don't get your hopes set super high. Then BAM! it happens. You get that faint positive...you stay a bit leery of it for a while. You stay reserved for a while, praying it'll work out perfectly, but holding on to the fear that it could be taken away at any moment. Then at some point you get hit with the realization that HEY! this is REAL! its REALLY happening! And for a while you bask in that pure unadulterated happiness. Then the next wave hits you - OH SHIT! - MAJOR changes are happening. Major changes that are not only SUPER exciting and SUPER joyous, but also laced with much more added responsibility. Except instead of having 9 months to prepare and work out all these feelings before the blessed day arrives, it dropped suddenly, quickly, all at once.

Before the job switch and huge pay raise we were barely scraping by. There was absolutely nothing to put into savings. Our 'savings' can in the form of paying up six months of rent in advance with our income tax refund in case something happened we could forego a rent payment if we absolutely had to and to continue making payments to stay ahead.

That plan really hasn't changed, but now we have extra. OMG! We actually have 'extra' income! Almost $1000 a month that can be counted as 'extra' if we stick to the same budget plan we had prior to the new job.

It sounds silly, but that has caused me some anxiety. Seriously, I make living on less than $20,000 a year look easy and luxurious. And if truth be told it has been easy. I knew exactly where every dime was to go, etc, there was no room for extras, so we didn't have that many extras. Now there's room for some extras and I'm afraid that my husband, who grew up not having to go without, anything, really will start to fill up some of that wiggle room with 'stuff'.

My anxiety is further fueled by the fact that because he has been working at both places we've barely had any real time to talk about it, or anything really. He's so exhausted by the time he gets home that it's all he can do to eat dinner, shower, and go to bed, much less have a substantial discussion. THANKFULLY he's quitting the old job soon. He put in his notice this evening, with the clause that he would stay long enough for them to hire and train a new person. He'd put in the traditional 2 weeks notice if it wasn't for the fact that the assistant manager was just promoted to manager of a different store, so he didn't feel comfortable leaving them two people short at the same time. He gave a month's notice.

I cried happy tears when he sent me the text that he went ahead and put in the notice after telling me not too terribly long before that that he didn't have the heart to give notice because of the assistant manager leaving this week. I can't wait to see what life will be like when my husband only has to work from 8-5, M-F, and the occasional Saturday morning. We'll actually have the time to enjoy the money he'll have - at the SAME TIME! That's always been a major conflict with us - either not having the money when we had the time to do something, or not having the time when we had the money.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I'm not ungrateful for the opportunities bestowed upon us and the blessings these opportunities have given us, QUITE the opposite in fact, especially in an economy as volatile as the one we're currently living in. Its just a bit overwhelming at the moment. My greatest fear has always been being one of those persons who strikes it rich in the lottery and then has to file bankruptcy because they blew it....another reason I don't buy lottery tickets.

Monday, August 23, 2010

I am a HORRID mother

My children ought to be banned from me!

My son is circumcised, my daughter has had her adenoids removed & tubes put in her ears.

Both my children are exposed to cigarette smoke.

I refer to either of them by their name, title, or individual pet name, as opposed to 'It' or 'Thing'.

I get a bit irritated with some of their normal for their age behaviors, but I work to help correct undesirable ones. I would never consider a child I was raising as evil, retched, ...or other condescending adjective that makes their behaviors a fault of theirs as opposed to a lack of attention on my part.

I let them play in dirt and other 'natural' things, to help them explore some of their likes and dislikes.

My house is no where near perfectly neat and organized, but it is child friendly.

My children know their manners - and USE them, even with complete strangers.

I allow my children freedom to be responsible. Either by allowing them to ride their bike without my hawk-eye on them every moment and by assigning them chores around the house.

My first child was exclusively breastfed, even though I worked on and off for that first 13 months, my second child was only partially breastfed for the first couple of months before I gave in to just giving her a bottle, thus ensuring greater peace for both of us at feeding times, even though I haven't held a job outside of the home since I was 7 months pregnant with her.

I have a husband who has medical problems, so I take on the bulk of the 'man' chores around the house, not because he can't do them, but because it's only fair after he's worked 40+ hours that week to provide for us and deserves a 'break'. He in turn keeps up with the kiddos - that is my break.

I'm not in the greatest of physical health myself, but I don't make excuses, I make allowances and then find a way to accomplish what needs to be done anyways.
This could entail 'ignoring' the fact that something is out of place or just working in spurts.

I don't judge others because their choices for their families are different than mine, because I believe we all have that freedom to decide. There's also this clause about let 'he [she] without fault cast the first stone' and 'don't judge lest ye be judged'.

My children have a 'minimal' number of toys to play with, thus ensuring I don't have closets and closets and shelves and shelves of things to constantly have to be cleaning up.

If I don't want my child to get into something I either put it out of their climbing reach or behind a latch that they're unable to master until they're older. If they happen to get into something they shouldn't then it was my fault for leaving it out where they could get it. It doesn't make them an evil child, they're just learning. If I'm at someone else's home I am *mostly* diligent about keeping a close eye on them if I know they're prone to getting into things.

If my child needs some comforting in the middle of the night, whether that means crawling in my bed, a rub on their back in their bed, or even a super late night movie and snack, that's fine. They do know just what they need, it's my job to nurture that.


I, ALONE, (with the partnership of my husband) am responsible for the behaviors and actions of my children, if they behave in an unacceptable manner you can best believe I will do whatever the situation calls for to correct the behavior. If I find one of my actions to redirect ...or reteach their actions does not work I try something else, until I find something that DOES work. Yes, I have spanked on occasion and proud of it.

I have also found that 'do unto others' is a great rule to go by, within reason, with children. If they like to hit, kick, bite, pull hair the only way they will really understand the implications is if they've experienced such things.

It is in NO WAY up to me to determine what is right for another family. This is what works for mine. If I decide that in the middle of the grocery store, when my child starts throwing a fit about being hungry or thirsty, to serve my child a snack or drink that I plan on purchasing and letting her eat/drink throughout the store, that's MY choice. I'd rather have a satisfied child than a screaming one. Other times I deem it necessary to just ignore their fit and let them scream as they see fit.


I cook 98% of our meals, at home. Dinner is served AT the dinner table, with EVERYONE at the table (on the nights Brian isn't working). We all sit at the table together, with the TV turned off or placed in such a way that it is not viewable from the dinner table.

If someone decides they don't want something that is served a small effort is made to get them to at least eat a few bites, otherwise a leftover substitution is made or they just do without.

If they leave the table hungry because they didn't want to eat that's on them, I refuse to force them to sit there and eat if they truly are not interested in eating...this to me is an ACCEPTABLE natural consequence. I will put their leftovers in a container, into the fridge, then will reheat it later if they decide they are hungry. Afterall, I'm not always hungry at mealtimes, why should I expect them to be ready to eat right then. But they will sit there until either myself or Brian are done eating.

I do NOT deny my children sweets and 'junk' food. I simply limit what is available and make sure to have better alternatives on hand, at all times.

Stories are read every night before bed and bedtime routines are modified to fit the individual child to ensure that everyone is able to get some sleep (especially now that sleeping is no longer painful for Mikaila).

Rules at home are fairly lax, but rules away from home are strictly enforced, learned, and respected.


I use 'real' plates, silverware, etc and wash them over and over again, unless of course I'm going to have more people over than I have 'real' plates. My kitchen may be hot, my AC may be broke, and my dishwasher may not exist, but I refuse to be so lazy as to not be willing...or have my child, who is learning lifelong skills...to do the dishes on a daily basis. In the very least I own a $10 box fan.

I send my child to public school, without his own packed lunch on most days.

I do laundry on an every 3rd day-ish basis, therefore no one HAS to have 500 articles of clothing to have strung out everywhere. I put a limit of roughly 10-15 of each item (unless you count my shoes). Whatever is not worn & loved or has been outgrown just I give away.

I don't 'ban' my children from knowing their families because we have a difference of opinion, but I will limit their interaction with ones who are physically, mentally, and/or emotionally abusive. This even holds true for the dead beat sperm donor. He IS allowed, per MY decision, to have two hours of court SUPERVISED visits on the second Saturday of each month. HE chooses not to take advantage of this, not me.
It is up to me to teach my children how to be respectful of EVERYONE, not just those that kiss my ass or bend to my desires.

I vaccinate my children, on the pediatric recommended schedule, just like I was, my siblings were, and likely my parents, as well as at least my cousins were and their children - the ONLY ones to have anything mentally or physically wrong with them are the ones that are afflicted with ailments completely unrelated to anything supposedly caused by vaccines.

I also had both my living children via cesarean - the first one because the doctor became impatient with me being in there for a THIRD weekend to have him, then I didn't progress quick enough for him to be home for dinner. Second one because it just wasn't feasible to attempt to drive 3 hrs to the nearest hospital that allowed VBACs, and because I picked her birthdate she was born at 37w3d - weighed in at 8lbs 4.5oz, with me smoking my whole pregnancy (yea, not terribly proud of that, but its done and over with and if 8lbs+ is going to be considered a low-weight newborn, born early, then so be it!)


For all of these choices and more I am PROUD of my parenting job. What I feel works for me, or what I'm learning doesn't work for me doesn't hold true for everyone, but that's their choice. At the end of the day all that matters is that myself and my children are happy and healthy about the choices I make (with my husband's help) about how to raise children. We may not see eye to eye but I can RESPECT that and withhold rude judgment, because who knows...in a few years I may change my mind about some things.

I also felt the need to add some more....

This was a 'response' to someone ALWAYS HARSHLY judging others' parenting decisions.

THEN takes and acts completely calloused about a motorist who, yes, was not wearing his seatbelt, but was killed in a car wreck. Calling it a 'natural consequence' and such. Just kinda pushed me over the edge of keeping my mouth shut and just looking past her judgments.

I seriously pray that she doesn't wind up with such a 'natural consequence' of her own...say loses a child because she wasn't able to keep all 3 from bolting from her and ending up getting hit by a car in a parking lot. I mean, in that case that would be considered a natural consequence, right? She should of kept better control of what her children did.

Or because she refuses to take one of her children in for allergy testing because they break out in hives on a regular basis from a food of some sort, that she's been unable to absolutely pin down and eliminate from the diet, that child winds up going into shock and medical personnel are too long in coming to her aid and she loses her child over it. I mean, that would be a natural consequence, right?

Then her 'pet' names for her children are Thing 1, 2, & 3...while referring to Thing 2 (the one also always breaking out in hives) as an evil, naughty, retched being...a gal who only happens to be a couple months older than Mikaila...when in reality it could be that her behaviors are related to her allergies, where many of Mikaila's were related to her ears...or in the very least related to the fact she's TWO, almost three.

Then other instances where she brow beat folks over choosing to have their young daughter's ears pierced, then turns around a month or so later and pierces her own not even (then) 1 year old's ears.

Or goes on and on and on about how HORRIBLE it is to send your child to public school...and has now signed her own child up for public school.

Or she goes recently and gets in her own wreck because she didn't pay attention and pulled out in front of someone, putting the lives of her children at risk, as well as the other persons in the other vehicle in jeopardy. Regardless of her "superior" car seat rules, if the other car had been going a bit quicker or been a bigger vehicle, besides a 2 door car vs her mini van, it could of been a completely different story.

Just CONSISTENT bullshit ALL THE TIME because she's so much better than everyone else.

THERE...now I think I feel better having gotten all of that off my chest. ☺

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Loving Life!

I love my wonderful, often hectic, mind boggling life!

I have a wonderful husband and two absolutely charming children. Life just can't get any better!

The material things in life, of course could always be better, but the core of my life is as good as it gets, at this point!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Mikeal's First Wrestling Tournament

He did AWESOME!

He did not win either of his matches, but he did great! I did find it a bit funny to find that his coaches called in his name as Bonds, but it's all good and well, neither Mikeal nor myself minded. Pictures can be found here.

We went to his first tournament Saturday. His first round he went up against a girl...she had him pinned in the first round, he didn't give up, and he tried, but it was quite obvious that she's been doing this for a while, else has a few older brothers who've taught her quite a few things. Mikeal left the match smiling, regardless. I can't tell you how many of those kids I saw BALLING because they'd lost their match! Then to top it off their parents or coaches getting onto them, making them feel even worse. :( :shock:

His second match was against a boy in the "loser's bracket" he didn't win that match, but it wasn't because he was pinned, it was just because after the end of 3 rounds the other boy had more points. The other boy was rough on Mikeal but he didn't give up again and despite getting a bit of a bruising he again walked away from it smiling. :heart:

I was so completely proud of him!!! :heart: I'll upload some pictures when I get them loaded onto the computer.

But it was NOISY in there.

Just imagine 4 matches going on at the same time. Divisions 1 & 2...which are ages 5-8...roughly 100 kids in that age group, in that small gym. Because of the 4 matches you had roughly 16 coaches all screaming at the kids, telling them what moves to make...2 coaches per kid wrestling. Add in on that parents, grandparents, etc cheering on the kids on the mats, AND siblings all playing, yelling, running around...it was like an utter madhouse! :crazy:


Poor Mikaila, who hadn't had but a couple of hours of sleep REFUSED to go to sleep, even when I'd take her out where it was significantly quieter...but she did finally sleep for about 5 hours, while I did the Christmas shopping, wrapping, the drive home, etc. :heart:

But I'm REALLY proud of Mikeal! I was so awesome to watch him "lose" because to see him after not being announced the winner you could tell that it didn't bother him and he just had a ton of fun! His coaches are also quite awesome! :heart: :clap: