I believe I'm on the Crazy Train

Crazy Train Incident #1

Earlier last week I got a friend request on Facebook from a chick I had never heard about...come to find out she's one of my husband's ex girlfriends. As in they dated for a few weeks, he decided she was utterly psycho, dumped her, all well over 10 years ago. Anyways, he can't say he didn't warn me, because he did. repeatedly.

I responded to her friend request, with a message. I simply asked her if I knew her.

She responded that yes, I did know her, that I knew her from when I lived in Virginia.

I responded back to her and told her that I haven't lived in Virginia since I was maybe just 2 years old, when my daddy was stationed there in the Navy, not been back since. I also added in that I spent much of my childhood living in Arkansas & Oklahoma.

So her next response was "oh, that's right, I knew you in Oklahoma, we lived on the same street".

At this point my jaw is just DROPPING. When I lived in Oklahoma I lived on a "street" if you'd call it that, backwoods barely paved road more like it, where maybe 10 families lived & I knew every one of them....the only folks remotely close to my age lived right down the road & were named Tania & Andrew, they were brother & sister - neither one named Stacie.

So I respond back to her, I ask her what city it was we'd lived in together.

Her immediate response was Tulsa.

Now my eyebrows are REALLY raised, seeing as I only spent maybe 6 months, total, of my life actually living in Tulsa...and that was when I was in my early 20s.

This chick is absolutely blatantly LYING to me and thinking that I'm stupid enough to go along with it and actually want to accept her friend request, on my Facebook? WTH!

So I keep up my end of the charade. I respond back and ask her which street or what year even...make it simple.

Some time goes by and she finally responds back...tells me that she was really young back then so doesn't remember and is sorry to have bothered me.

By this time I've completely had it with the lies and bullshit. I'm nearly 30 years old, I'm not fucking stupid and this chick is at least 5 years older than me and it's just absolutely RIDICULOUS to lie, period.

So I sent her a message that read:

I never lived in Tulsa until I was in my early 20s, you're 5 years older than me, so if you were really young when you lived in Tulsa, on the same street as I then I don't know who you think you're trying to play games with.

Look, I know you're one of my husband's psycho-ex girlfriends, by his words. By your profile you live in Alabama. I also know that you were only in Virginia for 3 weeks, well over 10 years ago. So at this point I'm going to have to agree with my husband on his "you're a psycho" opinion, primarily because at 30+ years old your wall statuses read like a 12 year old's and you, for some childish psycho reason feel the need to lie to me.

So if you have a legitimate reason for trying to friend me or Brian then grow up and state it.

She's not responded back to me and I don't expect her to.

Crazy Train Incident #2

Mother-in-law calls.

This particular event sends me into a spiral of mixed irritation & annoyance...maybe I've blogged about that particular history...if I have I'll find the link & post it here tomorrow, after I search for it...but the short story is that we don't talk to her or brother-in-law & his wife because they're, for lack of a better phrase "Jerry Springer types".

Anyways...apparently mother-in-law had talked to brother-in-law a few days ago and BIL told her that Brian & I had divorced; I'd kicked Brian & the kids out of the house & they were living at father-in-law's house. This was based solely on the fact that Brian took the kids to see his dad for almost a week while I worked to paint the living room. He had the time off, we had the spare change, it's not a far drive, & FIL is wonderful to spend time with. We weren't fighting, it was just merely opportunity was afforded for things to work out that way, no big deal.

Apparently in BIL's & SIL's world if one spouse isn't up the other's ass 24/7 it means they've separated and are getting a divorce. I'm absolutely comfortable & secure enough in my relationship with my husband to let him out of my sight for hours, or even days at a time.

I think this makes at least the 4th time that Brian and I have gotten divorced in our 3 1/2 years of marriage. MAN! Our divorce lawyers are making a KILLING off of us, no wonder we're broke! ROFLMMFAO

Since MIL, BIL, etc are all on Brian's Facebook (I have them all blocked) I'm considering having Brian change his relationship status to 'complicated' just to fuck with their heads...I think it'll be a blast...just fuel their stupidity!

Whatcha think?

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Living with Arthritis

SUCKS!

I am 28 years old. For the past 20 or so years I have dealt with pain in my joints and it's done nothing but get worse. Changing my diet hasn't helped. Losing weight hasn't helped. I've felt myself sink into deep depressions over just not being able to physically do what I want to do. It really SUCKS!

I LOVE to cook. Thankfully I recently acquired some cookbooks that line up a whole month of meals that one can cook in a day. So my family does end up with a home cooked meal on a daily basis, without a ton of work from me every day. But it still sucks that I don't have the actual ability to keep up with it on a regular basis.

I LOVE to sew. Thankfully I did recently acquire, for free, a sewing machine, I fixed a few things wrong with it, and can get much done. Trying to do the bits that I have to do by hand, though, can take weeks. I started a blanket for my nephew, Ryan, a few years ago, he'll be 4 in February. Because of the pain in my hands and shoulders I had to put it away before I even finished the embroidery work on it. Even now, on the new medications that allow me more movement in my hands & body, doesn't change the fact that it was a few weeks of working on it before I was able to actually complete the trim work. I did most of it with the sewing machine, but had to finish the back by hand. Its now a gift to my newest nephew, Vincent.

I LOVE to knit. In the last year I have been able to complete a few hat and scarf sets, one pair of socks, and half a pair of socks. When I am having a few good days I can complete a hat in just a couple of hours, a scarf in just a day or two. I can complete a pair of socks in three days. I have a pair of socks in the works...I started it about 5 weeks ago and haven't been able to finish it since.

I LOVE to write. I haven't been able to even fill out a medical form without feeling like I wanted to cut my hand off because it hurt so badly, much less a short story or poem. The last time I was able to actually write out something I was drunk out of my gourd I've been completely sober for the last 4 or 5 years, outside of the occasional glass of wine...I think I average a bottle of wine every 3 months. I didn't notice the pain so much when I was drunk or stoned. Being sober only sucks in that regard.

I LOVE to dance. It doesn't help the fact that my loving husband doesn't like to dance, but it doubly sucks that it physically hurts me to even try to dance.

I LOVE to wear high heels. I may be 6ft tall already but there's just something about wearing heels that makes me feel great, like a fairy tale princess or something. But again, it causes me so much pain that within no time I have to trade them off for something more supporting, and flat.

I LOVE to work with wood and work on cars. Between operating a screwdriver or using some sandpaper I just want to die.

I LOVE to be outside and play with my kids - running, dancing, swimming, all of it. Now I know if I do so one day I won't be able to for a week. It sucks, BAD. I grin and bear it and try to fake my way through enjoying every minute I am playing with the kids by biting my lip or whatever I have to do to make sure I am very actively involved with them, but most of the time I just want to hide in a corner and cry until the pain goes away. Its quite unbearable most days, but I manage. I refuse to just give-in to it.

I recently had decent enough insurance to be able to see doctors and specialists and the like. I prayed for it to just be a pinched nerve or something else similar in nature that could be repaired or fixed with surgery even. Instead everything came back clean and clear. The allergies I've suffered with all my life - turns out I don't have allergies, I just have a super sensitive nose - was given two different nasal sprays and since I haven't had an instance where I felt like I was dying because my head was so congested. Its been great. I was also put on some medication for the pain and inflammation -neurontin and ibuprofen. It gives me some relief from the stiffness, but not the pain. The pain is often EXCRUCIATING. The sporadic numbness and tingling is often unbearable.

But I continue on. I have children who need me, a house that needs to be cleaned, laundry to be done, food to be cooked, a yard to keep maintained, a husband that counts on me to take care of such things, as his partner in all of this. I'm going to school to attempt to improve my financial gain for when I go back to work. If I can't find a way to get around this pain I fear I will screw up my opportunities.

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Ex-husband vent.

I'm needing to send my ex a letter of my intent to move....one of those things in our divorce decree, so that I can give him "adequate" time to file for a change of visitations, etc....either 30 before I move or up to ten days immediately after my move, whichever is most doable.

As it stands he's allowed visits on the 2nd Saturday of the month, under the supervision of a court mediator, between the hours of 2pm and 4pm. He also is not able to change the visitations from that until after he has participated in a divorce counseling seminar (judge's decree, I had to attend that too). So I'm not worried about my ex who won't show for court on child support matters to attempt to take me to court to change the visitations. Furthermore, my ex has only seen Mikeal TWICE since I left him when Mikeal was 13 months old....he's now 7 1/2. He saw Mikeal for a few hours during Easter when Mikeal was about 18 months old - my ex's adopted dad took Mikeal and I up to Kansas City to visit him hoping that I'd reconsider getting the divorce. And then he didn't see Mikeal again until he was 3 years old, and hasn't since. During this time my ex has also only sent 3 letters, and has made a few phone calls to my mom's house, or rather, had his mother call. Now, my ex-MIL started calling in early October of this past year, would call and talk to Mikeal on a regular basis...then stopped calling altogether, about the time my ex was picked up again on the failure to pay support...haven't heard anything from them since outside of the courtroom while my ex was sporting the county jumpsuit and silver bracelets.

BUT as a responsible, law abiding mother I am still required to do my part to inform my ex of where I'm going to be taking Mikeal.

I have to provide address, phone number (don't have one yet), and the reason for our move.

I haven't actually written one of these letters because prior to this move I thought I just had to update with the child support officers and the court, plus my ex was in either jail or a halfway house, and I'd just call his grandma (who absolutely hates him and his mother's side of the family for all the lies and stealing they've done to her) let his grandma know that I was moving, she'd in-turn tell her son (ex's bio father) and he's in turn tell ex's mother, and she'd tell ex...I'd know he got the message because I'd get a letter from him telling me what kind of horrible person I was for keeping him away from his son...as if his being in jail 600 miles away, BEFORE I moved another 600 miles down the road, didn't have anything to do with that anyways... But I found out today from my lawyer I have to send the notice to him since the protective order is no longer in place...it expired on Mikaila's first birthday and there hasn't been enough probable cause for the courts to renew it.

I really wouldn't even bother with sending a letter except for the fact his grandmother is in her 90s and she's already had to deal with physical assaults from him, threats, and the like, so I don't want her to be put in such a position, at least not because of something I told her and she passed along. She's a great lady, now that she knows I wasn't making up all the stuff I'd told them about my ex and my reasons for leaving him...my ex in a drunken state one evening, while living with her, went on and on about a lot of the things he'd done to me....prior to that everyone thought I was the horrible lying cheating whore he'd made me out to be, because there's no way that ex would ever do such things, he's made good money, he's the first one of that family to actually graduate high school, he'd never been arrested, and blah blah blah....VERY high marks for that family, let me tell you.

So my problem now is how do I go about writing this letter and then sending it so as to keep my ass covered with it all. His family is the sort that will use any chance they think they have to make life miserable for me...such as trying to bring me back to court to get custody of Mikeal...granted they haven't tried that since spending almost $20K to several different lawyers when Mikeal was 2 and the multiple judges laughed them all out of court, but still it worries me.

In also don't have an address for my ex...I have one for his mother and I think his bio father, but not for him personally...he hasn't lived at his sex offender registered address for at least a year, and it took the courts over 8 months to actually find him to arrest him, only to release him again.

My lawyer's secretary just said that I needed to send it certified mail, in the care of his mother to him and leave it at that. Again, I haven't talked to his mother since he beginning of November and then she claimed to have nothing to do with her son because he's tried multiple times to kill himself, she caught him shooting up in her house, so kicked him out, the like...yea, whatever, he probably just wouldn't share with her so she kicked him out, but that's something for another day...

Ugh...I'm so sick of trying to do right in this whole deal. I just want to be able to be rid of my ex and be able to live my life with my wonderful husband and children without having my ex always in the shadows of everything I do!

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Told ya so.

Yes. I did. Last month I went to EVERY court hearing, while my ex was sitting in our local county jail on failure to pay child support, as well as other charges. There was anywhere from 1-5 a WEEK, no big deal, for me. I told the judge that he was just going to give her false employment information, just like he did last time, back in June, and he's going to give her false information on the place he's supposed to be living at...just like he did in June...he's also a registered sex offender. He's not lived at his "registered" address in over 2 years now...

Well, she released him on the basis he claimed to be working for a siding company, on the 23rd of December. Here we sit on the 26th of January, over a month later, and there has still yet to be a payment made on the child support. There's another court hearing at 10am...I'd almost put money on him not showing for the hearing.

Actually I should of put money up on it last time I said that he wasn't going to pay the child support and that the courts weren't going to be able to confirm his employer...I'd have a child support payment or two worth owed to me...go figure...

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Sonofab!tch!

Well, the jerk is back out of the county jail. Means that yet again he lied well enough and got others to lie for him, so was able to skirt out again.

I'm not one to count on the fact that maybe he learned a lesson this time, because I know he didn't. This will continue on for the rest of his life. But of course, according to his mother he's been trying to end his life, so maybe that will be sooner than later?

Yes, I'm not too terribly happy over this development, to the point I just don't have a lot to say about it.

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Homemade Laundry Detergent vs Store Bought

At least in my home...

Back in February I started making my own laundry detergent, I've used it without fail until about 3 weeks ago...I'd ran out of washing soda & had not been able to find any anywhere in the last (almost) year. So I ended up having to buy laundry detergent.

Comparison #1: I spent $12 on this one bottle, a bottle that is quickly coming to an end. I only spent $12 on the last almost whole year's worth of homemade laundry detergent.

Comparison #2: The SMELL! Oh.my.word! I buy unscented, dye free laundry detergent, when I do buy it, because it'll break me out just to touch it otherwise, much less wear it. But after using homemade detergent, which just has a very light, plain clean smell to it, scented if I add some essential oils to it, but very neutral overall...then using this dye free, perfume free detergent - I can honestly smell all the chemicals in it! FTR, I've been using the ALL Free & Clear.

Comparison #3: The FEEL of my clothes. I could actually tell that my cotton clothes were cotton, etc, they just felt like fresh crisp clothes with the homemade laundry soap. With store bought detergent - I can feel the detergent ON my clothes I don't use much detergent either, mainly because of my skin problems, but also because it is so darn expensive!

Comparison #4: Did I mention the smell??!! I'm in the process of drying the last load of this week's laundry escapade and it just STINKS! Yes, it smells like laundry detergent, but it smells chemically!

I'd put a comparison #5 for how well they each clean, but they both do a decent job at getting out the dirt, grease, etc in the clothes, without a pretreatment.

SO! With that list I am so happy to of been able to find, quite by accident, that the grocery store down the way, opposite of the way I go, in the next county over, actually has washing soda in stock!!! I can go back to washing my clothes in MY detergent!!!!

I really can't see myself going back to store bought detergents, it's just completely not worth it!

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I have a LOATHING dislike of Snakes!

My morning started off as lovely as I'm sure only it could.

Mikeal couldn't find his shoes...they happened to of been under the edge of MY bed...how they got there, I have no idea, but at least they were found.

The nausea from yesterday does not seem to be letting up much, but it has at least stayed at just nausea...of course keeping an empty stomach seems to work well in that department.

And Brian's bad mood from yesterday doesn't seem to be letting up, of course I'm just faking the puking and such to mask my lazy incompetency of being a SAHM.

I went to make myself a pot of coffee and not one drop of water falls from the faucet. So to the pump house I must go. Of course Brian has to leave out for work at this time with barely even so much as a "see you later".

So I go out to the pump house to mess with getting the well going. No luck on the first go around. Of course I can't dedicate much time to messing with it out there because Mikaila is loose in the house, on her own. I go back in to check on her, give the well a little bit of cool off time. Prepare a pot of coffee from the water I have stored back for just such instances, and serve breakfast to Mikaila.

I make another trip out to the shed, pour water into the pump to get it primed up, turn it back on. Then from the corner of my eye I see it. Not 12 inches from my head, the flick of a reptile tongue. Now I've grown quite accustomed to seeing quite a few lizards in and around my shed, house, yard, so I didn't think much of it for about 20 seconds. I think see part of its body, that compared with its movements, is COMPLETELY wrong for a lizard. Its a snake. A very small snake. Okay, no big deal, I can deal with this, its a small snake, a small baby snake. Then upon a more detailed look at it I noticed the gorgeous copper tone to its scales and hourglass-type markings along its head and back. Its a copperhead.

I'm already in the shed, barefoot, I might add, wearing a pair of shorts and t-shirt. See copperhead snakes are quite poisonous, baby ones are even more toxic, I'm home alone, with a 21 month old, no calling card, no way to call my husband, no guarantee that I'd be able to get a hold of someone that would be able to get a hold of him. But even that's fine, it takes the ambulance an average of 45 minutes to show up out here, cops an average of 3 hrs to get here...and well, that yard fire I had in October last year, I still haven't heard anything from the fire dept on that. So I'm sure I'll be fine waiting on them. To add to my confidence that I'll be just fine we have no health insurance, and if my memory serves me well, a few years ago I suffered a very nasty Brown Recluse spider bite, went to the local hospital to be treated, and was basically given a band-aid to cover the wound, after it'd swollen to the size of a large grapefruit. I survived, ended up with a lovely half-dollar sized scar...from what was a hole the size of a baseball, so I guess it could of been worse.

I grab my hedge clippers. The handles are roughly 2 ft long, so even if I were to only manage to grab the tail of it I should be far enough away from the danger end, at least long enough to get another tool at assist me in killing the thing. That's when I see it. One of the original target's siblings. So now I have one hiding behind the back of the door/side of the shed, since the door was open and another one hiding in the boards that make up the door itself, one close to my ankles, the other close to my head.

Neither one easy to just grab, and I risk getting bitten by one by trying to get the other.

I carefully check the ground, to be sure I can't see any slithering where I'd be standing, slowly push the door forward, having my first target in sight, the one that's moving back into the hole in the bricks, where it'd apparently first emerged from. I get it by the mid-section on my third try. But the clippers do not cut it in half. I get it over to the burn pile and commence my efforts to kill the thing. It doesn't die, but I handicap it enough that he's not able to move too terribly far. I then turn my attention back to snake # 2. Its still in the crevice between the board and door.

This one proves to be quite a bit trickier. I try spraying some cleaning stuff at it, hoping to coerce it out of hiding, but it doesn't seem phased. So I start beating the door with my clippers, using the sharp, cutting end, as I would a hammer, to squish the snake or convince it to come out. After about 10 hits it works, kinda. He sticks the end of his tail out, shaking it much in the way a rattlesnake shakes its tail to warn off threats. I grab him by the tail with the clippers, again, it doesn't do more than just break the vertebrates and grab the snake. I take it to join its still twitching sibling. It takes several strikes at the twitching sibling, its response was a bit of swelling followed by no more twitching. I proceed to go to town on both of them with the clippers until both are too broken to fix themselves, and the one is split in three pieces.

By this time the well has gotten itself back where it's supposed to be, and I head inside...only to realize that I forgot to turn the water on back to the house....I was a little distracted afterall.

That was a few hours ago...and I'm still a bit jumpy at anything that even thinks about brushing up against me.

But I'm sure, when I go to relay this to my husband, with the added urgency for him to get the metal, etc hauled off that's sitting behind the shed, metal that back in January his friend was going to use to patch his barn roof with, but its still sitting behind my shed, that I'm just making this up, just had to make up some sort of drama because I just can't go a single day without creating/making up some sort of drama. And if I'm not able to make some up on my own then I create some with him and his friends or what he does, just anything to draw attention to myself and to minimize him and his day. The two mangled snakes in the fire pit won't count as proof either, because I probably just found them lying around.

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