Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Only the Lines in Pink are My Own

*** 19 Adult Truths ***

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.  Actually I don't own a working watch and I do this.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. I guess it sucks for others. I'm never get into an argument where I am wrong.  A misunderstanding or debate, MAYBE there's a chance my information is incorrect, but I'm quick to own up to the shortcomings of my information.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.  Seriously, why am I not allowed to take my children's naps for them?

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.  I think it should be scrawly and demented looking.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? I'm actually awesome at folding fitted sheets to look square and flat. Perhaps one of these days I'll do a vblog post and show you just how easy it really'll kick yourself when I show you.  (I've only been saying that for two years now.)

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?  The answer to this question is 'of course, how else would we be able to not read a doctor's or lawyer's handwriting?'

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.  It would also be beneficial if the miles between points was accurate.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.  Absolutely!

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.  I'm always tired.  Tired of stupid people.  Tired of money being a requirement for anything. Tired of stupid people, not sure I listed that one.

10. Bad decisions make good stories. Pick a random month in a random year from my sidebar there, chances are great you'll hear one.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. I don't even have to leave the house for this moment to strike.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!

13. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. Especially fraudulent sales solicitors wanting to verify my credit card information.
14. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. Miller Light, Bud Light, Coors Light...I think kisses actually start with light more than anything.
15. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?  I only ask that something be repeated once.  After that I give direction on how to clearly vocalize the request, statement, question, etc.  If they still can't get their message across in a language vernacular that I'm able to understand I move on.
16. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!  My favorite is when trying to pass someone they suddenly decide they CAN go the speed limit and also go faster than the speed limit.  Glad they get the speeding ticket because I slipped back in behind them.
17. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. Unless you're a mother...then you know even the pants have to be washed because there's some sort of icky residue on them and you have no clear clue what that residue may be.
18. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.  I'm weird. This rings true for me, if the alarm clock is on my side of the bed, but after 3-6 months of owning the alarm clock I have to get a new one with a different tone otherwise I sleep straight through it.  Been like that since i was a kid.  Thankfully no one else in my household shares this quirk with me.  Sadly I'm still the first one ready to go out the door, even with getting everyone else prepared to leave.

19. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. I think this had more to do with women than men.  ((Take that as you will.)

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