Monday, December 22, 2008

Teach Your Children Well

Our loving parent the Government ....or ....a parenting guide for the new "America".

(The original version edited by Pete Hendrickson)

I think it is very important that we teach our children about the true nature of government. Now, at last, there is a way to give your children a basic course right in your own home!

In my own experience as a father, I have discovered several simple devices that can illustrate to a child's mind the principles on which the modern state deals with its citizens. You may find them helpful too.

For example, I used to play the simple card game WAR with my son. After a while, when he thoroughly understood that the higher ranking cards beat the lower ranking ones, I created a new game I called GOVERNMENT.

In this game, I was Government, and I won every trick, regardless of who had the better card. My boy soon lost interest in my new game, but I like to think it taught him a valuable lesson for later in life.

When your child is a little older, you can teach him about our tax system in a way that is easy to grasp and will allow him to understand the benefits.

Offer him, say, $10 to mow the lawn. When he has mowed it and asks to be paid, withhold $5 and explain that this is income tax. Give $1 of this to his younger brother, who has done nothing to deserve it, and tell him that this is "fair" because the younger brother 'needs money too'.

Also, explain that you need the other $4 yourself to cover the administrative costs of dividing the money and for various other things you need.

Make him place his $5 in a savings account over which you have authority. Explain that if he is ever naughty, you will remove the money from the account without asking him. Also explain how you will be taking most of the interest he earns on that money, without his permission. Mention that if he tries to hide the money, this, in itself, will be evidence of wrongdoing and will result in you automatically taking the money from him.

Conduct random searches of his room in the small hours of the morning. Burst in unannounced. Go through all of his drawers and pockets. If he questions this, tell him you are acting on a tip-off from a mate of his who casually mentioned that you had both earned a bit of spare cash last week. If you find it, confiscate all of that money and also take his stereo and television. Tell him you are selling these and keeping the money to compensate you for having to make the raid. Also lock him in his room for a month as further punishment.

When he cries at the injustice of this, tell him he is being "selfish" and "greedy" and only interested in looking after his own happiness. Explain that he should learn to sacrifice his own happiness for other people and that since he cannot be relied upon or trusted to do this voluntarily, you will use force to ensure he complies. Later in life he will thank you.

Make as many rules as possible. Leave the reasons for them obscure. Enforce them arbitrarily. Accuse your child of breaking rules you have never told him about and carefully explain that ignorance of your rules is not an excuse for breaking them. Keep him anxious that he may be violating commands you haven't yet issued. Instill in him the feeling that rules are utterly irrational. This will prepare him for living under a democratic government.

He is too young to understand the benefits of democracy, so explain this wonderful system as follows: You, your wife and his brother get together and vote that your son should have all privileges removed, be caned, and confined to his room for a week.

If he protests that you are violating his rights, patiently explain his error and tell him that the majority have voted for this punishment and nothing matters except the will of the majority.

When your child has matured sufficiently to understand how the judicial system works, set a bedtime for him of, say, 10 p.m. and then send him to bed at 9 p.m. When he tearfully accuses you of breaking the rules, explain that you made the rules and you can interpret them in any way that seems appropriate to you, according to changing conditions.

Promise often to take him to the movies or the zoo, and then, at the appointed hour, recline in an easy chair with a newspaper and tell him you have changed your plans. When he screams, "but you promised!", explain to him that it was a campaign promise and hence meaningless.

Every now and then, without warning, slap your child. Then explain that this is self-defense. Tell him that you must be vigilant at all times to stop any potential enemy before he gets big enough to hurt you. This, too, your child will appreciate, not right at that moment, maybe, but later in life.

If he finds this hard to accept, you can further illustrate the point as follows. Take him on a trip across town with you, to a strange neighborhood. Walk into any random house you choose and start sorting out their domestic problems, using violence if that is what is required.

Make sure you use overwhelming force to crush the family into submission - this avoids a protracted visit and becoming involved for long periods of time. Explain to your son that only a coward stands idly by whilst injustice is happening across town. Tell him we are all brothers and problems left to fester will eventually spill over into your neighborhood. Use some of the $5 you took from your son as bus fare and to purchase a baseball bat.

Drink a bottle of whisky and then lecture him on the evils of smoking dope. If he points out your hypocrisy remind him that the majority of people drink and that, as already explained, the needs of the majority are the only moral standard.

Break up any meeting between him and more than three of his mates as being an 'unlawful gathering'. If he strokes the cat without the cat giving its express permission, slap him hard for feline harassment.

Mark one designated spot in the yard where he can leave his bike. If he leaves it anywhere else, padlock it and demand $50 to release it. If he offends more than three times, confiscate the bike, sell it, and keep the money.

Install a CCTV system in your son's bedroom and also record all his telephone conversations. If he protests, accuse him of having something to hide. Explain that only criminals seek privacy and that good, dutiful children relinquish their privacy in exchange for the advantages which protective parenthood offers. Remind him of the boy across town who was caught smoking dope in his bedroom by just such a CCTV system, and explain that this case justifies installing CCTV in all teenagers' bedrooms.

Lie to your child constantly. Teach him that words mean nothing - or rather that the meanings of words are continually "evolving", and may be tomorrow the opposite of what they are today.

Have a word with his teachers at school and ask them to share any merit marks your son achieves, with any ethnic minority or female students who did not get any merit marks. If he questions this policy, explain that these students deserve special treatment because long ago people like them didn't get to go to school at all, and so it is only fair that he shares the merits around today to compensate for this.

This is also probably a good time to tell him that his energy, talent and enthusiasm will not secure him a job if the quota of such 'abused' people has not yet been filled. Tell him talent stands for nothing - it is fairness and sharing which are important. Remind him that his primary duty is the happiness and welfare of people he does not know, and will never meet.

Ban cutlery from your home and make your son eat with his fingers. If he asks why, remind him of the youth who stabbed a cat to death last week with a fork. Explain that if just one cat is saved by the banning of cutlery, then this prohibition will be worthwhile. If he protests, question him closely about why he is intending to kill innocent cats, or accuse him of being a cat hater.

Issue him a pass card which he must show before he can enter the house. Stand guard at the front door. When he comes home, politely but firmly take him into the spare room and question him about his movements.

Ask him how much cash he has on his person. If in excess of $50, confiscate the lot as it exceeds the house rule for maximum cash allowed. Then search his rucksack and pockets. To keep him guessing, do the occasional strip search. If he protests, detain him for longer and make the search more thorough. If he gets really angry at this, hold him in a locked room until he misses his next outing or party.

I know these methods are harsh, but I am only being cruel to be kind.

I think it is very important for children to understand the true nature of the society in which we live today."


Friday, November 14, 2008


I feel REALLY good. I tried out another medication and from what I've experienced is AWESOME! My mind seems more focused, I feel motivated to do things, and I don't feel completely strung out! I know it seems pretty bad for me to have to be on a medication to feel semi-normal...but this is GREAT! I just feel like a HUGE weight was taken off my shoulders, like I can actually feel alive again. Of course I'm going to be a bit leary for a little bit, until I know how its going to completely effect me, but I can honestly say that for the first time, in a REALLY long time I actually feel like I might have a chance at feeling normal.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

About me

Who Are You?
Name: Stephanie Linn Bonds

Zodiac Sign: Taurus

Rising Sign: Capricorn Rising

Birth Year: 1982

Birthplace: Bentonville, AR

Hometown: The world

Is your Hometown a small town, rural town, suburb, city, or inner-city: world-wide

Highschool(s): Salina HS

Are you the eldest, middle, youngest or only child?: Eldest

Heritage: mutt

What Do You Look Like:

Hair Color: Strawberry Ash blonde with Platinum & Red highlights

Eye Color: blue

Skin tone: white

Face Shape: oval?

Height: 6 ft

Weight: more than I'd like to be...less than I used to be

Shoe size: 9 1/2 or 10, depending on the style

What Makes You Tick:
What aspect of your personality do you like best? My confidence

Which aspect of your personality do you like the least? my procrastination and need for perfection in things I do

What are some things about other people that annoy you? lying, strong-arming, rudeness

What are some things about you that might annoy people? my optimism

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? A high school teacher, a mom, and a wife

What is your favorite time of day? When the kids are peacefully sleeping or playing together wonderfully

Are your parents still together, never were together or divorced: Divorced, my mom has re-married, my dad passed last year

How do you handle arguments/disagreements with other people? depends on my hormones, and who the other person is

Would say you are more extroverted or introverted? depends on the situation

Are you spiritual? If yes, is your spirituality influenced by organized religion? I am spiritual, I'm working on it

Name one of your physical traits that you would change if you could: Just one? my weight

Name one of your physical traits that you really like: height and eyes, I can't choose one

Name something you'd like to do before you die: watch my children grow-up, get married, and have their own children

If you could back in time to any point of history, where would you go and why? I don't know that I would...I'd say back to the day I hooked up with my ex and just walk away...but then I wouldn't have Mikeal and well, I wouldn't change that for the world

Have you ever experienced anything supernatural? yes

Are you close to your family members? I'd like to be, most of them make it difficult or impossible

Name some things in life that you are afraid of? snakes

What is your biggest life issue right now? I don't know that I can pick the biggest one....

What Do You Like?
Colors: red

Scents: Cool Water Cologne for men, otherwise, in general, I like the smells of baking

TV Channels: CBS, Fox

Cars: I love to drool over the newer Chargers, but I'm also a sucker for classic HotRods

PC Games: Rappelz...when I think about it.

Snack Foods: jello with fruit or cashews

Beverages: Mt Dew, Coke, water, coffee, various alcoholic ones.

Game Consoles: XBox 360 & Nintendo Game Cube...although I kinda want a Wii

Concerts: not sure I can pick a fav

Conversation Topics: During the election: politics...since then, to piss me off : the economy and these shithead bailouts; otherwise, mommy stuff and new recipes

Newspapers: I get the Delaware County Journal once in a while, which reminds me, I hope to remember to get one tomorrow, as my baby brother is supposed to be in it.

Magazines: Cosmo

Flowers: Roses and Lilies

Radio Stations: Depends on my mood.. there are several I flip threw when I'm thinking about it, mainly 104.5

Jewelry: my wedding ring and a necklace with the kids' birthstones on them

Restaurants: Ruby Tuesday and Chili's

Clubs: which ever one I happen to go to with friends

Websites: The Mom Retreat & MySpace, mainly

CDs: Famous by Puddle of Mudd

Vacation spots: where ever I can actually relax...sometimes just having a couple of quiet hours before bed is enough of a vacation to me

TV commercials: the ones for Guitar Hero World Tour...they crack me up

Radio Commercials: I don't pay close enough attention

Museums: Har-Ber Village

Stores: Wal-Mart?

Outdoor Activities: I'm pretty good and up for about anything....

Do You Like...
Seafood? yes

Sushi? yes

Mexican Food? yes

Italian Food? yes

Chinese Food? yes

Japanese Food? yes

German Food? when I'm in the mood

Greek Food? yes, I am so craving a Greek salad and a Gyro

Polish Food? eh

Mongolian Food? not sure...but its likely I do/would

Barbecue? depends

Cajun Food ? ocassionally

Soul Food? sure

Vegan Food? eh, I'm a meat eater

Cake? Sure

Cheese? yes, I like it

Jalapenos? in my chili

Artichokes? never ate em

Caesar Salad? Its alright

Anchovies? ewwwwwwwwww

Rabbit? too gamey

Deer? LOVE IT!

Bison? its alright

Lamb? yes

Duck? I have one in the freezer for one of these days....

Do You Play...
Baseball? used to

Softball? used to

Basketball? used to, still do ocassionally

Football? sometimes

Hockey? never have

Soccer? never have

Monopoly? I can beat most one will play with me anymore....

Checkers? I play with Mikeal once in a while

Chess? Love it! Going to teach Mikeal before too long...granted I can find all the pieces

Scrabble? I'm alright at it.

Trivial Pursuit? People hate me for this one

Poker? I suck at it

Guitar? I would love to, but I love listening to Brian play even more.

Flute? No

Clarinet? No

Piano? No

Violin? If my hands weren't screwed up...I did play the fiddle, not much different

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Pumpkin Fudge

OMG! I ran across this recipe the other day online and decided I'd try it as I have TONS of fresh pumpkin waiting to be used for things...this is to die for awesome!


* 2 cups sugar
* 1/4 teaspoon cornstarch
* 1/2 cup evaporated milk
* 2 tablespoons pumpkin, fresh or canned puree
* 1/4 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
* 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

How to Make Pumpkin Fudge

1. Mix sugar, pumpkin, pumpkin pie spice, cornstarch and milk in a two quart saucepan stirring frequently, over medium heat.
2. Continue to stir and cook until a candy thermometer registers 234 degrees..or just past boiling and the sugar isn't quite grainy anymore.
3. Mix in vanilla.
4. Place the saucepan in a container of ice water until the thermometer falls to 110 degrees...let sit in ice water until only warm to the touch.
5. Mix until the fudge loses its glossy appearance.
6. Pour the mixture into a greased 8 x 8 x 2-inch baking sheet and allow to cool.
7. When the fudge is completely cooled, score and cut into 20 pieces.

Its like combining fudge and pumpkin pie

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Poor Girl

After a long weekend of fevers that just wouldn't give up I took Mikaila to the doctor on Monday. She has an ear infection. Its been rough as she's never been sick and Mikeal only ever had one ear infection, but I don't remember it being this bad. She's finally on the mend and did finally sleep for a three hour stretch without me holding her, in her own bed....such an accomplishment as she's not slept much all weekend. She's still a bit tempermental this afternoon, but I think more of that has to do more with big brother being a pain on top of her not feeling well.

Sorry I've not updated here for a while but its just been hectic.

We should be getting the final settlement checks from the wreck this week. $4600 for the doctor bills and pain and suffering...not too bad.

My brother, Daniel, got out of prison last week, I expect him to find his way back in there with the way he's going. *sigh*

Brian and I have decided that we're going to be moving this summer. Right now we're saving up for the house, we already have a spot of land figured out to put it on. Kind of a big move for me as I've never lived in that part of the country in my adult life, nor have I ever visited that area, so we'll see how it goes....should go better than when I moved to Indiana though. I'm really starting to really looking forward to it.

I had some revelations the other day and did some soul searching and have decided that I'm done being people's doormats. I've started putting my foot down firmer and its making a few people think twice about some things....I think...I'm hoping anyways. I've also started not biting my tounge so much and letting people know just exactly what I think about their choices in life. I've had it and if me being straight forward in my dealings with people is a problem for them then they have a problem. I'm no longer the quiet, shy person that I was years ago and its time that I'm true to myself to everyone, not just most people for the sake of others' feelings. If you don't want to hear the real truth about how I think you've fucked up and you don't want to own your own life, then I'm not going to feed your desire for acceptance and I'm no longer going to enable you like I have in the past.

You find yourself broke days after payday but yet spend money poorly I'm not going to loan you the money you need. Sometimes you have to be an adult and grow up by taking responsibility for yourself. I own my mistakes, live them, learn from them, then life goes on and making the same repeated mistakes is not being responsible...sadly most these people are parents and in turn are going to be instilling these lack of values and responsibilities into their own children. *sigh*

Unfortunately this trend is not an isolated case, its sadly way too common throughout this country and has thus ;led to the crisis we are in today. I may blog more later about my frustrations, but for now I have other things to tend to.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Lets put it to real beneficial use!

Hi Pals,

I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.

Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in
a We Deserve It Dividend.

To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000
bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+.

Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman
and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up..

So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00.

My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a
We Deserve It Dividend.

Of course, it would NOT be tax free.
So let's assume a tax rate of 30%.

Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.
That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.

But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.
A husband and wife has $595,000.00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads
Put away money for college – it'll be there
Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car – create jobs
Invest in the market – capital drives growth
Pay for your parent' s medical insurance – health care improves
Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean – or else

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks
who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company
that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out
< SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">a puny $1000.00 ( "vote buy" ) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.

If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG – liquidate it.
Sell off its parts.
Let American General go back to being American General.
Sell off the real estate.
Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't.

Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work."

But can you imagine the Coast-To-Co ast Block Party!

How do you spell Economic Boom?

I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion
We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC .

And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned
instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

Kindest personal regards,


T. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic

PS: Feel free to pass this along to your pals as it's either good for a laugh
or a tear or a very sobering thought on how to best use $85 Billion!!

How to Increase Fuel Mileage and Extend the Life of Your Vehicle

This is a list of do-it-yourself things you can do to increase your fuel mileage and extend the life of your vehicle.

Use a fuel injector cleaner additive each time you top off your tank. Lucas Fuel Treatment is a leading recommended additive you can use to increase your mileage by 3-4 mpg as quickly as the first tank; it also helps to extend the life of your injectors and fuel pump.

A K & N air filter, instead of a generic one off the shelf, will increase your mileage by 2-4 mpg; it will also increase your horsepower by about 1-4 horses. The K & N filter also never has to be replaced, it is washable and reusable, saving you money from future yearly air filter replacements!

Synthetic oil, like Royal Purple or Castrol Syntec, will increase your mpg by 1-2 mpg, but more importantly you will reduce your engine wear by about 50%. Royal Purple is not recommended if you have less than 20,000 miles on your vehicle, but it is considered the best oil on the market. Because of the better blend the oil does not breakdown as quickly as traditional oils, so you can go three times longer (9,000 miles) before an oil change is needed. Persons who do not do a lot of stop and go driving can extend that out to 12,000 miles, or four oil changes for the price of one. To go along with the better oil, instead of going with the cheap oil filter, use a factory filter (varies by make of vehicle), a Wix filter is a really good filter, or K & N also makes oil filters and claim to increase oil life by 50%...meaning if you go with a K & N filter and the K & N oil you only have to get your oil changed every 15-18,000 miles...and spend an average of $50 for that year’s worth of oil changes, doing it yourself.

Something else to increase mileage is to have your differentials and transmission serviced (front wheel drive vehicles do not have separate differentials) Royal Purple makes transmission fluid and gear oil for this. You could see an increase in your mpg by 5mpg and will increase your horsepower. The Royal Purple fluids and oil will decrease the wear of the internal transmission parts, if the servicing is done on a regular basis of every 35-40,000 miles you should never have transmission problems due to wear, it is still possible to have transmission problems due to the electronic components of it, but that is electronics, oil can’t prevent those problems.

Finally, the simplest, easiest thing that absolutely anyone can do to help increase their gas mileage and reduce the wear on his or her vehicles is to clean it out. If it is not absolutely necessary, do not haul it!

These few things can increase your MPG by an average of 10mpg. These few things will also help extend the life of your engine and transmission allowing you to get longer use out of your vehicle and save money on repairs or replacement.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

I am the latest Victim

...of the idiot drivers. Brian called me just after 11 this morning, needing a new contact, one of his fell out into a vat of used I gather up the kids, get in the van, bring him his new contact lens and some lunch. I come back to the town where I live, and decide to go ahead and go to Wal-Mart to get some more diapers since I was already in town. I stop at the light in town, as it was red. Wait a few minutes, it turns green...just as I go to move my foot off the brake I am already halfway across the intersection. I am in severe pain and Mikaila is screaming, I am also PISSED! I pull over into the parking area on the side of the road, jump out of the van, barely knowing what exactly happened, just freaked out worried about the kids. I unbuckle Mikaila, she calms down in a few minutes, I have to lean against the van to keep myself on my feet, my head is throbbing so badly. Mikeal seems to be fine, just curious as to what was going on...what that thud was and why I'm crying. That is when a young, teenage gal comes up to me, just crying her eyes out, instantly my heart goes out to her, I've been in her shoes before. Her mom was following behind her, so is also there at the scene...had it been the mother that hit me I likely would of slugged her so hard her head would of been spinning like mine was. I call Brian, one of the girls he works with answered the phone, she of course has to know why I sound so upset so I give her part of the story, I've been rear ended, the kids seem fine, I need to talk to Brian. He just hears the part that I've been in an accident, wants to know where, and instructs me to stay right there, he's on his way. I exchange insurance and contact info with the mother and teenager, and I assure them that I will contact their insurance and have it taken care of, no need for the cops to be called...I'm still considered under suspension, meaning I'd get a ticket, I really didn't want a ticket. A little bit later I call my mom to meet us there so she can drive me to her place or back to my place. I was way too dizzy to even stand, much less attempt driving. Brian gets there and flips out because the other driver was no longer there, and the cops hadn't been called yet...he didn't hear me tell him I'd prefer no cops...the cop gets there two minutes later, a report is done, they decide that I need to be taken by ambulance to the hospital to be checked out. Its been 20-30 minutes and I still can't stand on my own and I was nauseous ...I'd just finished eating Taco Bell on my way into town...I make the trip in the ambulance, full restraint. My mom follows behind with the kids so that they can also be checked out. I'm given several x-rays, everything looks to be not broken, just severe whiplash, both kids check out to be just fine, Mikaila has a small seat belt burn/rash by her neck but alright, Mikeal seems to be fine, might have a seat belt bruise show up in the next day or two. My neck, back, and shoulder muscles hurt so bad and are so stiff that it hurts to turn, even my jaw muscles hurt. But I'm basically alright, I'll eventually heal.

My van will likely be totaled, blue book value on it is only about $ just get the parts to fix it is going to cost at least $3500, then labor costs, then a new paint job. My father-in-law, who just gave us the van the first of February called Brian later this afternoon at work, yes he returned to work when we all checked out alright, and is coming out for a visit on the 20th of this month. Brian explained to him about the accident, from what I gather he's just glad that everyone is alright and gave Brian some pointers on how to handle filing the accident with the insurance to get it settled as quickly as possible.

This is the very reason neither myself nor my children EVER are without a seat belt. Mikaila was in her standard infant rear facing car seat and Mikeal was in his booster seat with lap and shoulder belt on.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

My LOooooooOONG Afternoon

Some of the BIGGEST IDIOTS drive down this road I swear to it!!! Its been raining here for the last 24+ hours, straight. The roads are WET! Yes, the speed limit is 65 on the highway that runs right in front of my house, yes there is roughly a 2 mile straight stretch, right in front of my house, but in NO WAY does that mean that it is by ANY MEANS SAFE! to be traveling at those speeds in these conditions! An hour or two ago I step outside to sit on the porch, 6 vehicles are traveling down the road, a compact car, an SUV, a bread truck, and three pick-ups behind that. The three pick-ups decide it is a good time to pass the other three vehicles, they start off about the same time, one behind the, less than 3/4 of a mile from where they start passing is a curve in the road...a very blind curve, if you're driving. From my porch I can see the other part of the road, through the pasture...there are a few vehicles headed towards the passers. Truck 1 makes it around all 3 in front of him, truck 2 BARELY makes it around 2 of the ones in front of him. The bread truck SLAMS on his brakes, trying to give truck 3 room to get back in the correct lane, its only a 2 lane out here. Instead truck 3 also slams on his brakes and proceeds to skid...right off into the ditch of the oncoming traffic.

He does not stop there, his truck rolls 2 1/2 times, through a barbwire fence, wrapping the fence around his truck. All and all by the time his truck left the road to the time it stopped he'd traveled almost 150 ft. Fortunately he was the only one involved in the wreck. The really screwed up part of it was I was the only one who called for help, I ran inside when I heard the boom of crunched metal, called the police dept, explained what I'd heard and seen...but because of my angle and distance I could not tell for sure how many were involved, or the exact extent of the wreck, a house sits in my way for complete view. I get off the phone with them finally, pack up Mikaila, and drive down there, its a good 10 minute immediate drive out here from town, granted there is a county cop actually in town. :roll:

I get up there, see that its just the one truck, but its on its top, I park my van in the field as close as I safely can...there was a gate just a little ways up the road... I helped the guy get out of his truck, took what seemed like forever to get him out of the truck, but I did get him out. Since its raining I drove him back to my house to call and find out where the assistance vehicles might be, and let them know where the driver was. An officer will be out in maybe another hour or two I'm told, the fire/rescue dept are already on their way out. I also call the tow guy to have him come out to pick up the truck.

I then drive back to the scene, see that there are cows out in this field. :doh: Great! So I drive to the one neighbor's place, no one home, I drive to another person's place that was close to there, no one home. So I take my mini van across the field to see if there is another gate, there usually is, that I can try to herd the cows through so that they don't get out into the road. I was in luck, there was a gate, a barn, and a feed bucket. By beating on the bucket I get their attention and they easily herd into the other part of the field. THANK GOODNESS! I go to drive back across the field...and get stuck. :doh: :roll:

Lucky for me it turns out that the tow truck gets there, he's just right up the road around the other corner from my house, so maybe 3 miles from where we're at. It also turns out that this is HIS pasture, and gives me a free tow out of the field. :happy: For corralling his cattle.

I am now drenched, back home, just in time for Mikeal to get home off the bus. Did I mention I was wearing a pair of black leggings and a long white t-shirt to do all this in, sans bra? Mikaila took her nap in the carseat through the majority of this, and never seemed to mind. I am STILL waiting on the highway patrol to come out and take a report. :roll: :doh:

So after I get Mikeal ushered in the house, he was taking his time getting in the house, because he likes to play in the rain, my phone rings. Its Brian's Aunt, the one that took his mom down to TX. Supposedly, according to Brian's mom we, as in Brian, myself, and the kids, are moving into a large house in Austin, TX tomorrow, and its big enough for her to move in with us, and that is the plan. That is the reason she's not going to pay rent at an apartment that AIL had found for her, that she can afford, and she supposedly can't afford to pay the deposits on the, cable, internet...that she mentioned. Also MIL called AIL's mother and told her that AIL said she could live with her for 6-12 months, and that she (MIL) was not welcome to even eat dinner with the rest of them, also MIL told AIL that if she makes her move out before Brian and I had our house there in Austin ready for her to move into that she would OD on her medications, and that she WILL succeed this time. OY!!! So AIL calls telling me that Brian needs to come pick up his mom TODAY, or at least figure out something to do with her. I told her to call the mental hospital and have someone come pick her up because she's taking all these medications, that she has no business taking, she's threatening suicide, and is highly delusional...all VERY true facts. She wanted me to call Brian and talk it over with him. He seconded my suggestion without me saying what I'd told AIL. We don't know what else to do. She refuses to help herself, she refuses to let anyone else talk to her docs and specialists to see what all needs to be done for her to be properly taken care of, and we're all at the end of our ropes with it. She threatens to OD if she doesn't get her way, I'm sorry, but this childish bullshit has GOT to end!! And this is the only thing we know of to do to help her. We tried when she was here, AIL has tried in the last two months or so that she's been there, MIL's grandmother has tried, other family members there have tried, she can't tell a truthful sentence to save her life, AIL has also caught her shoplifting. :evil: :gaah:

To top it all off, Brian doesn't get home until around 9 tonight, and I'm so ready for a long, hot bubble bath and stiff drink right now that I could scream and it not do any good!

Saturday, August 30, 2008

A Day Gone to Hell...again

Ok, I've only had Mikeal's surprise birthday party planned for 2+ weeks. Planned to be held at my house, the time being after Brian gets off from work.

I called my mom earlier, asked her if she wouldn't mind taking the kids for a little while...granted I've lived back here in this area for 13 months now, her only granddaughter is almost 9 months old, and she has yet to babysit for more than 20 minutes, TOTAL! Anytime I do ask she has some lame excuse or just plain doesn't want to. Well, today my sister and her little boy are going to be there. Mom said she'd come pick them up after she gets done with her grocery around noon. I call her at 2 to find out if she's still going to be coming to pick them up...yes she'll be there, but she's going to wait on my sister to get to her house first, my sister was on her way...its an hour's drive, my step-dad will be home, and so whats the big deal? 45 minutes later my mom calls me to let me know that she'll getting ready to be on her way, still has to stop at the store, my sister is coming with her. And wants me to just go ahead and have the party at her house. WTF!!! My sister's idea, since my mom's house has better AC...yea, only in the living room...not in the kitchen where I'd be doing the cooking...which I won't be able to do there because I'm BAKING some of the food, my mom's oven doesn't work, and she's not replaced it. Argument toilet is messed up...umm I fixed that yesterday! Argument 3 If they do come get the kids they won't have anyway to bring everyone back to my house for the party...umm my sister took her own vehicle, room for 7 in there, only room for 5 in my mom's car...which they're taking.


If it was going to be this much of a fucking inconvenience for them to come over to my house for a birthday party for my son why do I even fucking bother! You didn't hear me bitching when my sister wanted to have a fucking blow out for her son, at a location no one knew where it was, an hour away, me with a newborn, healing from a c-section, AND broke, I figured it out and I went, knowing it'd be rude of me to not go, even though I sat there and only one person there even said hi to me, and that was some chick I have no clue who she is, just some friend/family member of Samantha's husband...and she just commented on my cute baby.

Just fucking forget it, don't fucking bother, just don't come, Brian, the kids, and I will just have his party, although we already gave him his presents from us, but we'll just have the cake ourselves, and they can just go fuck themselves. I'm sick and tired of it. I plan something, something that I'm paying for, something thats cleared by everyone the first, third, tenth time around that its perfectly fine, and what do they do...EVERY FUCKING TIME last minute my plans aren't good enough. It was that way with my dad's funeral, that not even his own siblings attended who lived there in town. It was that way with my baby shower...that no one attended. That way with my wedding shower, that again no one attended. That way with my brother's Marine graduation party, that they (brother included) showed up late for by two hours. That way for my house welcoming party that no one showed up for.

I'm done, this is it. Good friends of mine refuse to show up for things because my mom and sister will be there, and then they don't even show, I'm tired of it. From now on I'm going to invite my friends, and my family can go suck themselves! :evil:

:roll: So they went ahead and showed up, an hour before the party was supposed to begin, and instead of taking the kids like I'd asked they just stayed here since it was so close to time... :evil: THE WHOLE POINT of me asking them to take at least Mikeal was so I could decorate. It was supposed to be a surprise party. :evil: They were also supposed to bring paper plates and the travel high chair for my nephew. Neither of which they remembered. He dumped his whole plate of food on the floor, which fortunately I have a dog that cleaned up, cause she sure as hell didn't. Then he grabbed her plate, and since we're having to use my glass plates, it was broken all over my concrete tiled floor...guess who had to clean that one up too. Yea. I'm used to doing cake and then presents, its just the way we've always done it. Nope, Samantha orchestrated for Mikeal to go ahead and open his gifts, I'm still eating my dinner because it was interrupted quite a few times, so I didn't even get pictures because it was done with before I found what they'd done with my camera they were all playing with while I, myself, cooked dinner for everyone, with three kids under my feet while they all chatted outside. They were also supposed to do the dishes, they'd offered since they'd forgotten the paper plates. They left as soon as their cake was devoured, barely even a bye, and forget a thanks for dinner and cake mention. No, I'm sorry, I've got to jet, its getting too late...just a snotty well I'm leaving you're just going to have to do them yourself.

Yea, Brian and I have had it. My sister is definitely no longer invited, and my mom's not welcome if she brings my sister. I've had to deal with it for a year, I'm done. I'm tired of being treated this way.

Goes on about how *small* my 37" or 42" TV is...I can't remember, cause I don't care, in comparison to her 61" TV...that I remember because she rubs it in every time I flippin see her. Goes on about how she has a Montero and how she'll never have a mini van :blah: I'm sorry, I like my minivan, its gets more than 12 miles to the gallon AND its COMPLETELY paid for.

UGH. I just hate her holier, mightier, better than thou attitude.

All and all Mikeal had a decent birthday party, it should of been better, but there is always next year.

Friday, August 29, 2008

A Must Read

My 16 year old neighbor kid was telling me about this series of books that he'd read, recommended that I also read them. As you likely know, I've become highly involved with foster care and we are soon going to be finished with our applications and classes to become full time foster parents. I also grew up in a home that was less than ideal, and spent a short period of time in a foster home, so I am aware of a lot of the things that go on, from both sides of the foster care system and what its like to grow up in an abusive home. Now, growing up it wasn't as bad as it could of been, but it also was not pleasant. With that said, I tend to not read books that tell of abuse and such as it breaks my heart that it goes on and often brings up a painful past of memories, but as I've grown and matured I've come to better terms with it and despite some of my own wrong tendencies in the past I have been working on over coming more and more of it every day. I have great friends and resources that have helped me tremendously!

Often though children are left suffering because of people's own selfishness, or something I have no idea, often ones who report abuse become the targets for some very negative things, I've seen it, as a child I assisted in it. I have learned that it is better to be the person who reports a child being wronged than it is to be the person who overlooks it or ignores it. I was a person who'd ignore it, make excuses for the abuser, or rationalize it in some other way...a lot of that had to do with my own fear of being outcasted by my peers, both growing up and as a young adult.

My first step out of this shell came almost a year ago. I knew that my nephews weren't living in the best of homes, and I can rationalize a lot of circumstances, but I've always known that it was not the case where they were concerned, and it took me years to get up the courage to report it. I stood the chance of their mother leaving with them and I never getting to see them again, not knowing if they were well or even alive, but I took that chance, those boys deserved that chance. It took several months, lots of research, and several attempts for the boys and their other two siblings, to be taken into custody, but they are finally, and doing very well, their mother refuses to aknowledge that anything was wrong on her end and thinks its nothing more than an attempt for those of us fighting for the children to take her children from her, you'll be hard pressed to convince her otherwise, I feel bad for her....but thats a whole other matter.

Yes, I'll admit, I was a horrible mother, who in every right should of had her own son taken by the authorites. I even reached out at one point in time to child welfare myself and blantantly told them that I was not taking care of my child, I had a drug and alcohol problem, I was homeless, I had no vehicle, no job, and I had more men in and out my door than most doctor offices...they pressed no charges against me, offered me no resources, packed my son up, sent him to live with my (then) mother-in-law, and told me that when I felt like it I could go pick him up and take care of him. I wanted help, I wanted to make a life for my son, and the system in that way failed me. My mother-in-law's house was way worse than the crappy situation I had him in, I remembered the stories of my ex, how he was smoking at less than 7 years old. addicted to crank and other things by 9 and a regular drunk by the time he was 10, not to mention the beatings, there was no way I was going to subject my son to that, no matter what it made me determined to get myself in order and take care of my son.

Within an hour of them leaving with him I had a job, it wasn't much, but it was something. Within a month I was living with sober friends. Two months after that I had most of my senses together, I was down to drinking rarely, I was no longer doing the drugs, and I had enough money saved up to attempot to make a new life for us.

One of the other things that helped me was instead of going to bars for siocialization, I went into chatrooms, finally landing in one for Austin, TX...I was living in Tulsa, OK. I virtually met some people, talked to one on the phone on a regular basis. He was a great source of encouragement and support for me. We came up with a plan for me to start life over there in Austin. I jumped on it. Now I was met with a lot of tough critisms from several, and a lot of help from others, as well as a lot of fun times. I met some of my dearest friends this way, and my husband. It wasn't at all easy, I had my moments of relapse as well as other obstacles, most of which I still deal with on a regular basis, but I learned. I take complete responsibility for my actions. Yes, there were other circumstances that played into it all, but it was MY reaction, MY decisions to react the way I did. Looking back I can see everywhere I made the mistakes, I can also see where others around me enabled me to make these mistakes, and more. They all looked the other way, made excuses, or were afraid that I might actually get the help I needed to make sure my son was properly taken care of, had I not been aware enough of myself and what I was doing things in my life would be no where near as good as they are now. Its likely that I would of been upset with them if they would of stepped in and addressed the problem with me, and I'm sure there were one or two that saw my actions and said something about them...but thats all they did, I likely got upset, they dropped it and proceeded to ignore the situation, only fueling me deeper into that lifestyle I'd made for myself.

Anyways, since I subjected you to all of that my main reason for this post was to recommend that others read a book by Dave Pelzer, actually he has at least a series of three, telling about his life and feelings growing up in an extremely abusive home. The first book, and the only one I've read so far is called A Child Called "It". It touched me deeply and I hope that it reaches others and opens their eyes to the realness the effects of abuse are, as well as the horridness of simply ignoring it.

Thursday, August 28, 2008


We got a new kitten today, his name is Spark Plug. Piston (our female kitten) does not like him. My mail lady found him behind some dumpsters while she was working her route and took him with her in hopes of either finding a home for him or taking him home where she already has 5 new kittens...I took the kitten, she caught me off guard while I was outside working on my tomato plants.

I also realized...after Mikeal got home...that they do not have school again until Tuesday...completely threw off my plans for tomorrow, oh well, he'll just have to tag along.

My plans for today were ruined because I had to wait on UPS to deliver our new XBox because the old one fried...hopefully this one doesn't house is again filled with the sounds of Guitar Hero III.

I did get my catch all room mostly cleaned up and re-organized, we'll see how long that lasts.

Mikaila is cutting more teeth and was highly cranky today, and did not take a nap...nice for me. .. Not really. But as soon as Brian came in she went to him, I made her another bottle, and she went right to bed. Stubborn child.

But thats basically it in a nutshell, I worked hard all week to get my house in pristine shape and today Mikaila put to use her mobility to make sure that now it looks like a tornado blew threw.

But there's always tomorrow to start all over again.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Long Boring, Pointless Rant

I have always bailed my mother out of her financial pickles she's found herself in, ever since I was very young, at least when I've been able to, yes she's helped me out here and there, as she felt "guilty" about not. :roll:

Anyways. I get tired of it. She doesn't exactly ask, but does lay quite the guilt trip like I "should" do more for her.

She pays a little over half the rent that we do, makes $3.00 more an hour than Brian, has no children at home, so its just she and my step-dad. She doesn't work any overtime, but still usually gets at least 40 hours a week, should be enough to pay her piddly bills she has and take care of she and her husband.

My step-dad does work, occasionally, right now his truck is out of commission, so no income from him, and he's not exactly the stick with a job type. :roll: There also are few jobs around here and he's burnt the bridge with the biggest employer here that he qualifies to work for. Anyways.

Because his truck broke down mid-week, my mom gets paid on Fridays, I offered to help him out, we were a little ahead this pay period, and I expected to get *most* of the money back today, at least the $50 I paid in parts...I call my mom, see how she's doing, I've not talked to her in a few days, and also cleared with her about coming over tomorrow to do my laundry, which is a normal weekly thing for me, to go over there and do my laundry. I also ask about the possibility of them coming over this evening to help me keep an eye on the kids so I can get my lawn mowed before it rains again...

She goes off on how she has all these bills and no money to pay them and :blah: how she's too tired and needs to help my step-dad find this part for his truck, :blah:

Ok, I NEVER ask my mom to watch my kids. She NEVER volunteers either. When I do ask I have to hear about her money problems, how tired she is, something, every time. She would beg to get to watch my brother's two boys, she begs to watch my sister's boy, she enjoys my kids, so long as I'm there with them. If I need to run somewhere and will be gone for 15 minutes, I have to load my kids up and take them with me, unless Brian is there too, or my step-dad already volunteers before my mom has a chance to deny watching them for a few minutes.

My mom also goes to the casino every other week or so, granted she doesn't spend "that much" and is "always ahead" that week. She also enables my step-dad to drink or partake in his "smoking". My step-dad is an alcoholic, got a DUI about 2 years ago, was forced to go to AA by order of the courts. He went with my "Grandma Pennye" and her husband for almost a year, and stayed sober for that entire time, and they were actually getting ahead pretty me he can fly through the beer. :roll: My mom had a fight with "Grandma Pennye" and the result of that was my step-dad and my mom drinking, again, almost every weekend. It was during one of these drunk nights that he first screwed up his truck in the first place, and I helped dig him out of the hillside then too.

:banghead: My mom refuses to see this as a problem. She also thinks that *I* owe her something, or at least I've felt that way my ENTIRE life!

My youngest brother was born when I was 5. I vividly remember being left at home, alone, with him and my other two siblings, who are 1 & 2 years younger than me, since the youngest was walking, if not before then, and I've done it their whole lives. I started working picking blueberries when I was 7 or 8 years old, 1/2 mile from our house, making $2 a gallon of blueberries to help out with "family expenses"...this trend continued until I was no longer living with them, but I still was left to feel guilty for not helping out, especially after everything happened with my dad and that whole mess.

Even after having Mikeal and having problems with that marriage I was left to fend for myself and Mikeal basically... he was 3 before she "let me" move in with her, I started trying to leave my ex when Mikeal was 5 months old, and I was living down the road from her then. I think a lot of the reason she finally "helped me out" was because of my step-dad. :sigh:

I've gotten to the point that its really starting to piss me off. I try to do something nice, and I feel like she slaps me in the face each time. I've tried to talk to my mom about this, but it only ends up in a fight and how she's *nothing* like her mother or mother-in-law, and that I'm just ungrateful and I shouldn't talk to her like that, that it was all my dad's fault that my childhood was so "horrible"... :blah:

Its so aggravating to me how she blames everything on someone else and that she tries so hard, but just doesn't get it. She often reminds me of a teenager or young 20 year old that needs some life experience lessons on how to have interpersonal relationships. I hate to say that about my own mother, but geesh, I think she needs to grow up some or at least quit blaming everyone else for her problems.

I just don't know how to go about talking to her that I need at least some of the money that was "borrowed" from me now.

And I get so pissed off that she makes me feel this way everytime I do help her out. Like I freakin owed it to her in the first place. In ALL my years I have never once "borrowed" money from my mom and not paid her back immediately, before taking care of my other stuff, nor have I ever borrowed more than maybe $20 at any time from her. Even the times I did live with her it was never "free", I would always buy the groceries, give her money for bills, and such.

I feel more like a burden to my mom than anything, a burden that owes her something because I *ruined* her life at such a young age. :sigh:

Friday, August 8, 2008

A Vent!

My XH. I can't stand him, can't stand to hear his voice, see his face, even get completely unnerved just by seeing a picture of him. He called my mother's house at least 7 times today. Twice while I was there. I finally picked up the phone and accepted his call to tell him to not call her house again. Fucker proceeds to tell me that the reason he has been acting so "horribly" is because his thyroid has been acting up for the last 5 years. Umm, I left his drunken drug using ass 5 years ago come September 22nd, so 5 years of thyroid problems...fuck him. Puhlease, give me a break. I might be 9 years younger, but I'm not fuckin stupid. Then pop off and tell me you've been sober for three years. Umm...your dumbass has been in prison for the last almost 3 years, duh you're going to be sober....which also means the 9 months that he was out of prison in the last 5 years he was not sober. The same 9 months he was living in Oklahoma with his mother and family, all of whom have been charged with selling drugs...crank, meth, weed, you name it, I had never even heard of most of the drugs before knowing his family. Then he goes on to tell me how it was his probation officer's fault that he didn't pay the ordered child support. WTF! I know BOTH his old probation officers, his current case worker, and the lady in charge of the halfway house he was in, I've kept in contact with all of them in an effort to keep tabs on him and his whereabouts, he went back to prison for not going to his classes, for not staying sober, for being an ass, for not paying his fines, fees, and child support, don't go giving me this bullshit that its THEIR fault you're an asshole. Two of them have even used that exact term. He thinks he can talk his way around everything and thinks he's so fuckin intimidating and thinks the world owes him shit. FUCK! Then he goes on about how hard he's had it over the last 5 years. NO FUCKIN WAY! How fuckin hard can it possibly be to sit in prison, where there is a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food in your gut! While I'm working my ass off at three different jobs just so I can keep from putting MY son on the streets. You're not a fuckin father, don't call me up wanting to talk to MY son, threatening to take me to court, you've written two letters and made three phone calls in 5 years, every one of those letters and phone calls you've threatened me, you've threatened my life, my livelihood, and you have unnerved me to the very bone. For years I've heard had to hear about how he's going to be a father and is going to take care of things, but the ass couldn't even show up for the court dates. I made sure to wait until he was out of jail, on probation, before I filed anything ...the divorce, the restraining order, and the child custody, sit there and tell me your PO wouldn't let you. I talked to him, everytime. He didn't know where you were, he'd fuckin know if you were in jail. I'm NOT FUCKIN STUPID!!! Thats another thing. There's a restraining order. A NO CONTACT restraining order, that means don't call me, don't see me, don't write me, that goes for calling my mother thinking I still live there. GOD he's dumb!

Then he goes off and tells me that he's set up with some sort of work center that'll pay up to $10,000 in back child support that he owes, will help him pay off his fines, and all this other crap, then he's going to move back here and is going to take me to court to get Mikeal. He wants us to be "friends".

There is no way in any sort of hell that I can stomach being "friends" with him. He is a very abusive asshole, he is a child molester, and he can't fuckin own up to anything being his fault. Its his mother's fault he did drugs before he was even a teenager, its his brother's fault for being shot by a police officer, so that's why he's violent and bullshit. Its because of his thyroid that he drank. Its my fault for being a tall friendly chick that anyone seems comfortable talking to, so therefore he had to be violent and abusive with me. Its his PO's fault he didn't take care of his responsibilities. Its the drug & alcohol's fault he did what he did to me and that little girl. Its the parents' fault for not keeping an eye on her. He has a fuckin excuse for everything!

Nothing has changed. He's still trying to control my life, still trying to show that he thinks he's calling the shots. He gets out in November. November 22nd to be exact. He'll be completely out, no probation, nothing. Supposedly he's going to be hooked up with this place that'll pay his child support. Thats great. October 31st I'll be married one year, Brian will then be eligible to adopt Mikeal, this is our plan, always has been our plan since the night he proposed to me. We are hoping to be able to have the process at least started in early November. I want that man out of our lives. I don't want child support from him, nothing.

And it makes me incredibly SICK that there is a program that allows criminals a "fresh start" on their back child that is paid for no doubt by taxpayers, at least to some degree. Basically I'm paying my own child support by paying taxes. Thanks system. There are fuckin kids out there WAY worse off than my child, children that need this help, children whose mothers don't qualify for assistance, but can't survive, and you want to fuckin use that money that could be helping those kids, or their schools, or something else as important, you'd rather use that money to help my child molesting, abusive ex-husband pay off his child support so that he doesn't go back to prison over past due child support. FUCK YOU! And then you're going to put him through job training classes so that he can get a job. There are people who would actually use it, that need it, but no my tax dollars have to go to help a convict get a leg up. There was no program for me to pay off my fines, no program for me to take care of my child when I needed it, there was none of this shit, no one basically gave me $20,000 to get a new start. NO I did ALL this shit on my own. I've poured blood, sweat, and tears to get my life where it is now and I was the one taking care of a child! I'm still paying shit.

I really can't stand him, I can't stand the way he gets under my skin, and I can't grrrrr....I don't know.

I really wish he'd just disappear, but I know, that even when Brian is Mikeal's full guardian he'll harrass us even more, if not him then his mother, his aunts, all of them. I've already spoken to a Detective here, and he's going to help me out with a lot of this, I've also spoken to the Judge, she said I can't do much until he's either out and violates the order...he gets out Nov 22, the order expires Dec 13th this year....or its closer to time of the order expiring. :sigh: I talk to the detective again in the morning as the ex called after I'd gone in and filed the first report of him calling my mom's house multiple times today. I'm being as proactive as I can be legally, but I'm still scared for mine and Mikeal's well being. I don't know that I'll ever get over that fear.

Sorry to be so long winded, but I had to get it out and talk to someone about it.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

So, I'm Considered

crazy, radical, weird, you name it...

A lot of people don't agree with my political stance on things, and thats fine, to each their own, I don't judge, I prefer not to be judged, but its all human nature.

Some political points of mine :

I don't believe in abortion, I think its a very disgusting thing and don't agree that anyone, regardless of the circumstance, should kill a child because of the inconvience of having said child. With that said, I know that abortions are going to happen whether they're legal or not, so I do think they should be allowed under the care of a licensed professional...namely under a doctor's care.

I do not believe homosexual relationships are moral, but people are going to do what they're going to do behind closed doors, so why not let them be subject to the laws of other married couples.

I do think this country is run by corporate business, regardless of what the popular vote it, all that matters in the end is whos side has the bigger dollar.

I do know that because of the actions of the current administration, we're headed into a deep depression. But the average American is not without blame. Too many people have lived too long beyond their means, living their whole lives off credit, nothing that they have in their possession is worth a tenth of what they paid for it, and yet they continue spending on credit, taking out ridiculous home loans, second mortgages, buying outlandish vehicles, and have wasted trillions by doing so. The economy is currently crashing, and everyone is looking to the government to bail them out and the government itself has maxed out its credit cards.

People have scorned me, looked down upon me, the like because I'm happy with my older, used vehicles that are paid off, and paid off with cash upon buying them. For the small TV that I own, the cheaper items I furnish my house in, the hand-me downs, the Wal-mart goods in my home, my closet, etc...all things paid for in full, with cash, as I had it. I'm looked at like I'm crazy when I state my plans of living in my small house, planting a large garden, opening my own "veggie stand", canning my own food, working with my neighbors to buy a cow or two, a pig or three, and also raising chickens, all so that I don't have to rely on buying such at the store. When it all crashes...and it will...I'm going to be the one standing on top, I have no real debt, everything in mine and my husband's possession is OURS...there was no credit cards used so we paid asking price and nothing else. We keep things simple, and see no need to have anything outside of our means. We can only watch one TV at a time, and a modest one is just as good as a fancy one, except the fancy huge one puts you into debt, and usually doesn't last as long, so there's no need in a fancy TV...and yet thats usually the first thing someone wants to show off in their home...their big fancy TV, stereo system, complete with multiple gaming systems, things that aren't going to matter in the end, they're going to be worthless. Things are only worth what someone is willing to pay for it, and thats always a hell of a lot less than what you paid for it, especially when its bought on credit.

The banking system is failing as well...all those laws and crap that were passed in the late 30s and early 40s...almost mean nothing now that we're sitting on the brink of another Great Depression, only this time its going to be much worse, people in the 30s knew how to get by during hard times, they didn't have all this credit accumulated, and it was rough for a few years, but it rebounded back...back to what we have today. Its an utter shame.

I feel sorry for people who actually believe that the government can pull us out of this "slump" that we're in...its not going to happen, not without a lot of sharp wake up calls. I expect that within 2 years Brian and I will be in the "higher class" of middle Americans. We're already debt free, none of our assests are part of the banking industry, we own it and it can't be taken away from us to take care of anything we have on credit...cause its all an assest.

I'm not just blowing smoke, its the reality that we're all being forced to way or the other. High gas prices, quick inflation, government cover-ups, administration changes, stealing from Peter to pay Paul, and getting caught, is all it is.

Everyone needs to start taking personal off your debt, quit buying things on credit, go back to the basics...sadly, for most, its already too late. Banks are being shut down, ... 3559.shtml.. --> m --> , lives are being ruined, we're in for a drastic change, you're not going to like it, its not going to be something the government can bail you out of. You're screwed.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

My Current Aggrevation

I've been fairly down lately, a lot of things bugging me and not much I can do about any of it.

My mother-in-law has a very bad heart, she saw her cardiologist here for the first time since moving here, on June 12th, he scheduled her for an angeogram the following Monday on the 16...follow-up for that is the 30th of June and shortly after that he'll be putting in a defibulator, pace maker, and something else, I can't think of right now...if she gets stressed out, gets a scare, anything, she can kill over. Doc told Brian that his momma only MIGHT have 3 months to live if she does not follow thru with his instructions and the surgery. Whats really fucked up is that Brian's brother may not learn of any of this because of his wife. His wife has done a great deal to tear that family to pieces...I mean seriously who really calls their mother on Mother's Day to bitch about how horrible of a mother she was and she's the reason that he's had 5 marriages and just unloaded a bunch of bullshit on her...ON Mother's Day...I'm sorry but thats just shitty. Not to mention a lot of the bullshit and drama that his wife has caused/started online.

Brian had been contacted by an ex-gf, a gal that may or may not of given birth to a child of Brian's. Brian's SIL proceeds to email said ex and tell her that we were planning on taking her to court to take her daughter away, regardless of her being Brian's or not...said ex then cut communication between herself and Brian, now we may never be able to find out either way for sure, even though its completely sworn that the girl is not Brian's, thats beside the point, Brian was there for this little girl for most of the mom's pregnancy and almost the full first year of her life before the mother took off and severed contact.

This doesn't even begin to tip the ice berg of bullshit this family has had to endure at the hands of this "Christian" pair.

I feel really bad that right now... things are so bad between the two brothers and the one brother and his mother, that even though anyday without warning their mother could kill over, they won't let him know...the really fucked up part of that is even if their mother or Brian was to call and let him know what was going on his wife would just insist that she's lying, faking, that Brian's playing into her drama, yada yada...and the brother would take his wife's side, regardless of any proof given.

I really want to make a trip out to Alabama to just bitchslap them both!!

A Bit of a History Lesson about Me.

My second marriage was completely awful, not only on the part of my husband, but also his mother's side of the family. They are all beyond the scum of the earth IMO.

I met my ex while going thru a drunken oblivious depressed time in my life and I was only 19, I'd already moved away from home ((4 hours away)) and anyways, it was just a really bad time both in my family & my personal life. ((This plays in a little later, kinda)).

To say the least I was not in a good frame of judgment whatsoever. My ex was fun in the manner that he was always buying the booze, I was underage, I drank at least a 12 pack & 1/2 a fifth of something every night and still maintained at least two jobs consistently. 9/11 happened, I went to NY for a few months, came back for a visit mid-November for ex's birthday...wound up preg with Mikeal. I came back to Arkansas mid-December. His boss was fixing to transfer him to Indiana and I wanted to go with him, he had been a constant figure in my life during this time, I thought I was in love :roll: . I took a preg test on Christmas evening...came up +, we packed the U-Haul the next day. He was completely excited over me being preg...until he realized I wasn't drinking anymore, and I started noticing just what kind of :asshat: he was. He became increasingly violent towards me, fracturing my eye socket once and other such injuries. I was stupid and naive for too long of a time believing all his promises to quit drinking, to get help, etc. I gave him chance after chance, only to be met with failure. :doh:

I also had to endure hearing about how he just knows that Mikeal wasn't his, that I was screwing around on him in NY and that it was a bi-racial baby ((although thats not the word he used)) because my first husband who was previously killed in a wreck was bi-racial... :roll: and once you go black you don't go back...according to his mother. I was also constantly being compared to his mother, how much of a slut his mom was, and how I'm just like her cause I have red hair and am "heavy set" and have been with a bi-racial man, also that I was no where near as good as his mom. When she vacuums all the lines go the same way...a kitchen/bathroom isn't clean if there are water spots on the faucets...etc.

I endured all that. When Mikeal was about 3/4 months old ((around mid-December)) I ended up preg again, I was on the depo shot this time. ((because of the assult I'd received during my pregnancy with Mikeal I did not tell anyone about this pregnancy, I was too scared at this point)) On New Years Eve my ex was working in an apartment complex, he was a door to door salesman, he saw a 5 year old little girl playing there, obviously unsupervised, & lead her into the laundry room can guess. The cops figured out who he was fortunately a few days later and he was charged with indecent exposure and some sort of imprisonment charge for the door being closed. He told me that he was peeing and the girl walked in on him, with the door shutting behind her...

I believed his story because I just never thought he'd be the type, and his charged fit the story he gave me...none of the officers, lawyers, etc told me any different either in the beginning. We were 7 months into the trial before I find out the truth. His words were "I've never been with a woman smaller than me so I thought I'd see what it was like"...((I'm 6' tall, he's 5'8")) he did not follow through with it, just exposed himself, both in his story and the story of the girl.

Around this time we're living in a house owned by his aunt as I'm still not "allowed" to work and he's not able to get/keep decent employment because of his drinking & later found out meth habit. I end up losing the baby I was pregnant with during one of his drunken meth enforced rampages. ((he never believed me when I tried telling him I was preg, and I never told my family because I knew I'd just be further critized, I kept hoping that the trial would wrap up soon and I could be free of him)) I started devising a plan to completely screw him over every way possible. He was going to prison soon and I was going to have every opportunity to play my cards then.

And I did. I spent the next two months, after losing the baby plotting and lying my ass off. I convinced him that I cared for him, that I was going to be there when he got out of prison, yada yada, he was just given 4 months wtih 4 years probation. ((at this time my mom was still dealing with things and I couldn't go live with her as both my brothers, my one brother's girlfriend and their baby, I had no other family at that time to turn to, nor anymore friends because of my ex))

A friend of my ex had some apartments and so rented one to me mainly in exchange for doing work around her properties, I was just working as a waitress at a nowhere cafe, and because of his drinking and meth habits we had no money whatsoever. He went to prison in September. I wrote him a letter the first of October telling him that I was going to be getting a divorce and that I never wanted to see him again. Things went way downhill from there. In November I quit my waitressing job because of the indecent proposals of my boss, I took up work at a bar, I started drinking again :doh: . My neighbor babysat Mikeal, even when I was home, they would beg me to let them adopt him. I got fired from the bar job, so took up work right next to the bar I liked, and drank before driving the 30 miles home. I was back in my old habits. I was dealing with myself fighting with the idea that I had to get a divorce, that things were never going to get any better, and my moral conscience that told me divorce was wrong.

In January my ex got out of prison and I would not sign the papers for him to come back, he went to a halfway house, all his family members are felons or had felons living with them, so he couldn't move in with any of them. My heavy drinking went on from November until mid-May. I'd found myself basically homeless ((living with a guy & his wife that I'd met at the bar)), without a vehicle ((the one I'd bought died completely on me)), & again without a job.

I'd moved out of the apartment without paying the last two months rent, the lease was not in my name so I intentionally broke it, and the landlady had turned into a royal b*tch, because I was leaving my ex. Both the truck and the van were in his name, I quit making the payments on them all together so they were repo-ed. I also pawned my wedding set for less than 1/4 of its worth and sent him the receipt after the 90 day claim was up. Just to name a few of the things I did to him.

((This is not the kidnapping))
Mother's Day 2004 my depression had reached its brink, I decided it was time to either shape up or ship out. I called CPS on myself, made them take Mikeal from me & asked that they give me a plan to work to get myself straighten up before they let me have him back. They didn't see my situation as badly as I did and so had my son go live with my xMIL, telling me that when I thought I was able to take care of him I can go pick him up, CPS had no further involvement, except to get my xMIL set up with emergency housing, she was one of the felons living with her sister, got her set up with food stamps, the works, even helped her buy a car. I got a job a few blocks from where I was staying, working 60-90 hours a week, quit drinking, saved up my money, finally got enough to put a deposit on an apartment of my own and was buying a truck.

My xILs started causing me major problems around this time, they did not want me to have Mikeal back, period. They started a fire in my truck while I was at work, my insurance did not cover it. They started sparatically lodging complaints about me to my employer, causing her to cut my hours, then eventually firing me cause of the drama they were causing in the dining area. It had only been two months. I had started chatting in a chat room during this time to keep me from going to the bar out of boredom. I met a really great guy who lived in Austin, and was planning on moving there at some point anyways, he offered for me to rent a room in his house in exchange for being a nanny. I did background checks, etc, he completely checked out, but I still didn't know him personally, but I was willing to go for it, it was a chance to get away from my xILs. I told my xMIL that I was going to be going to my mom's for the weekend, and after that would be back. I already made sure with the lady I'd called at CPS that I was legit in taking my son back, my ILs were refusing to even let me see him at this point. I moved to Austin mid-August, Mikeal turned two the end of August. ((I met Brian Labor Day weekend here))

In September I was served papers to go to court, my ILs were trying to get custody of Mikeal. I went to court, the judge all but laughed her out of the court room. The same thing happened in October. Before the judge I agreed upon week's visit. They were supposed to take Mikeal to go see his sperm donor in Kansas City, yada yada. I lived 8 hours south of them, the ILs being in Tulsa, I being in Austin, and ex being in KC. I came back a week later and she'd moved out of the apartment, and all of her relatives claimed they had no idea where she was. I tried filing kidnapping charges, but because I had nothing in writing from a judge and my divorce was still not final I had no ground to stand on, so long as the sperm donor said it was ok for them to have Mikeal I was screwed, unless Mikeal was able to be in my sight and right there.

Friends of mine that I'd met during my drinking time, most of whom also knew the type of scum my ex and family are, kept watch out for Mikeal at different places that my xILs lived. January 8th I got a call at 2 in the afternoon that they'd seen him and that they'd be following her if she left the house she was at until I got there. I was flat broke as it was two days before payday. It took me less than 1 hour to scrounge up roughly $200 and someone to go with me to help me drive and be back up to call the cops just in case.

I got there not long after 10 pm....I never knew before then that my car had wings and that not all cops are jerks. I showed up at their door, and there he was. I calmly stated that I was taking Mikeal with me and asked that they get his clothes, toys, etc, so I could take them with me. Everything was fine until I picked him to actually leave. Then I had 3 women 3x my size jump me, I lost a chunk of hair, my face was scratched up, I was fairly bruised, but held my own. They did manage to get Mikeal away from me and locked him in a back bedroom. My friend out in the car called the cops for me and after about two hours of dealing with all that the cops convinced me to not file charges and to just go to Texas and forget Oklahoma ever existed. They tried for another 6 months to get Mikeal from me. After getting Mikeal back home with me we noticed he had severely regressed, as he was no longer potty trained, he has SEVERE night terrors, and was no longer the uber sweet little boy he had been prior to all this. Its been almost 4 years and he still occasionally has the night terrors and bad flashbacks of living with them.

I moved back to Oklahoma a year after leaving so that I could save a ton of money on my divorce by living in the same state as my ex, as he'd moved back to Tulsa. My divorce was quick and painless for me finally. That family is only allowed 2 hour supervised visits on the second Saturday of the month. My divorce has been final since this past Friday, June 13th, for two years, and not a single one of them have even so much as sent him a birthday card, letter, phone call, nothing.

In some ways I'm glad that they are not still trying to harass me, but on the same token, that is Mikeal's family, and one day he is going to want to know them. But in the meantime he is completely happy to have his daddy that he knows, the man thats been there through so much of all of this with both of us. :heart: Brian.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

I have not been THIS...

...entertained in quite sometime. My son has a flashlight that also has an LCD pinpoint light.

I decided to get it out to play with the kitten, Piston, make her chase it around a little, see what she thought of it. She was not interested and walked off.

Our beagle/pit puppy...DipStick...who is the shortest stockiest dog I've ever known...took to chasing this light. She chased it for a good 30 minutes, back and forth through the living room, kitchen, and dining room, just as hard and fast as her short stubby legs would carry her.

Now during this Mikaila, who's kinda got the idea of how to crawl...forward, is watching this stubby dog chase this light and is just laughing her heart out.

After a little while the dog just gives out, wore her out completely, not even the energy left to walk more than two steps.

At this point Piston comes back into the picture, she sits there and watches with this look on her face like "you're one dumb dog, doing all this running and not catching the light". Piston sits there, analyzes her attack then goes after it, l.a.z.i.l.y.

So I'm having to hold the light still a little longer for Piston to keep even the slightest interest.

Mikaila then reaches out for the light as its not far from her. She's a little shy of the light, so she takes a few crawls FORWARD! She's crawled sideways and backwards, has tried forward, but only has succeeded in going forward by way of belly flops.

Piston by this time has lost interest in the light.

So I go to move the light forward in front of Mikaila, just a couple of inches. She is now "chasing" the light. She proceeds to go after the light...forward, on her hands and knees...all the way across my living room...roughly 10 feet in one direction...turns around and follows it back the other direction, before becoming sidetracked with DipStick laying in the floor just plain tuckered out.

I don't think I've laughed so hard in quite some time.

Short stubby dog chasing the light with all her might...kitten lazily going after the light very thoughtfully...then Mikaila, seeing all the fun those two were having decides to see what all the fuss is about as she just spent the last 45 minutes laughing at the other two.

Had I thought I would of been so entertained and it would of gone the way it did I would of considered video taping it.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Grateful for you

Most of you have known me for quite sometime...some since high school, others of you for about the last four years, and a few even I've only known *online* for the last couple of months.

In some way everyone of you have been an influence in my life, and I hold out hope that maybe in some way I've influenced something in your life...even if all it happened to be was not to drink that next shot.

I'm not going to go into the details, but I would like each of you to know that I appreciate all of it...both the negatives and the positives.

One gal in know who you are...I never would of thought that four years ago we would of ever gotten past your horrible thoughts of me and the kind of *mooch* you thought I was, but it was because of your negatives about me that pushed me to prove you wrong, had it not been for that who knows, I might of very well of lived up to your expectations of me. You've helped mold me into the person I am now. I didn't know you from a brick in the wall, but at that time you proved to be a great value to me, you absolutely hated my guts and had every right to, and its because of that that I was able to get as far as I did as quickly as I did, and now...girl I think absolutely the world of you and love you very much. You have been there for me, pushing me, regardless of what direction you wanted me to go, I've made it, and I could not of ever done it without you! I also don't think that you realize the real impact you've made on my life.

Four years ago I was ready to give up on life and living, I started my *online* social life and started talking to a friend of yours, it pissed you off to no end, and you weren't shy about letting me know it either. You stated a lot of truths about me at that time and it hurt me to no end, to actually have someone slap me in the face with a sharp dose of reality. THANK YOU! You gained so much of my respect from doing such and I can never be able to express to you just how much it meant to me, and still means to me even to this day. You saved my life in those days, honestly.

I am so glad that despite all that we were able to build a friendship that means the world to me. I also believe that some of your push has also helped Brian in his goals to be who he's become over the last *almost* year. You've touched our lives for the better, and because of that we're able to provide a great life for our kiddos, and I am eternally grateful for those first few boulder throwing months you dished out.

**deep breath**

I just wanted you to know that we both love you very much!!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Full Panic

So I was on my way home from my mom's earlier (about a 10 mile trip) and this truck comes out of nowhere seriously tailgating me. It was a little after 9pm, so it is pitch black, but this dude was riding on my ass! I couldn't even see his headlights most of the time. I didn't even really pay that much attention while going through town otherwise I would of likely just pulled into the police station parking lot where I saw the town's fav cop just pulling it...anyways, I go through the next stop sign where the jerk is still on my tail, make my left hand turn, then an almost immediate right...dude is still rightonmyass! I'm mildly starting to freak out at this time, both Mikeal and Mikaila were in the van with me and Brian was still another 7 miles down the road, at home. In the past I would of brushed this off to being just a random drunk riding my ass, but with the things going on with my nephews, and the fact that my ex-husband called my mom the other day ((he's supposed to be getting out of prison soon if he hasn't already)) I've been kinda on edge. We are now on the highway 65 mph...dude is still rightonmyass, still can't see his headlights very often is how close he is. He is in a Ford dually quad cab pick-up, by no means a small vehicle, and he won't back off, I tried flashing my brakes, speeding up, slowing down. Its pitch black, bad cell reception, with my two small children in the van with me. I try calling 911, but because of the bad reception I have problems getting the info across then I hit dead cell service area. About another 2 miles down the road there is a passing zone and he does go around me, and then is GONE, I tried keeping up just enough to get a look at his tags but couldn't even get close enough to even know what state they were out of, as I live on the border of 3 states. I was majorly freaked out!

Brian comforted me by assuring me that I was home and was safe and that if it was someone trying to harass me than they'd have to go through him. Mikeal was such a great kid...he was wanting a snack--hotdogs--and I hadn't had dinner, so I threw some for both of us in the microwave. Mikaila started screaming for a bottle to go to bed on, so I started tending to her, she's not the patient sort...anyways, while I was trying to get all that taken care of and Brian was occupied the hotdogs finished in the microwave...This is the best part...Mikeal not only got them out, put his on bread with ketchup, but also did mine too, brought them to me and was just so sweet about the whole thing. I was still shaking from the incident that happened on our way home....hell I'm still slightly shaking and tis been 3 hours! It just un-nerved me so badly, had a deer decided to be in the road or someone's cow been in the middle of the road like they are occasionally...we'd all be toast, that truck could of never of stopped in time...and ugh!! Drivers just really annoy me!!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

For the time being... nephews are going to be living in a therapeutic foster home. It was not a decision made lightly, and has taken several months to reach this conclusion. I cannot keep putting my 5 month old in danger, just because I am too stubborn to admit that they need more attention and help than I'm able to offer. They think its normal and fine to treat a baby like a rag doll. One of them had kneed her in the head while they were being watched by someone else while we were at a class. Another time while I was in the bathroom for a quick piss I came back to find her with the blanket wrapped around her head. Other times I can be sitting right here and they will try knocking her bouncy chair over just walking by her. These boys are not right, and I have not had the proper training yet on how to handle such behavior. We will be continuing the classes and hope that after we have finished with the classes and the boys have had some time to be adjusted to having a schedule to their days and constructive discipline, without putting my biological children at risk. We will still be having an active part in both their lives and will be active in the decisions made on their behalf. There is a lot more involved than just simply stating that we think something else needs to be done about their living arrangements. There are a number of case workers, lawyers, a judge, teachers, counselors and numerous family members all involved with every one of these decisions. I was able to speak to the new foster mother today and she works at the counseling center and has a great deal of experience with such cases. I have no doubt we made the right decision, regardless of how utterly disheartening it is to make. Brian and I will be continuing the classes as well as will be getting more education on how to both deal with and address such problems in the future and will be looking forward to the day that we are able to take care of them in the way that benefits them the most!


Since someone seems to think that every blog I make that doesn't include someone's name is about her, I'm going to clarify what it was I was refering to yesterday.

A dear friend of mine has been having some marital problems lately, his wife has been cheating on him, while basically taking away all of his privacy and rights to anything. She's playing the card that since she's cheating on him he must be cheating on her, and so is playing the victim in all of this. I was really annoyed to find out yesterday that she went so far as to delete his myspace behind his back, and later upon him finding out she deleted her own and said there was some sort of virus that killed their myspaces, and therefore she took it upon herself to make a new joint site for the two of them. Most of his family can't stand her and find her to be a bit too intrusive anyways, I just think she's skanky just by what I know of her, but I've never personally met her but twice, on formal occassions -- their wedding and their 5th anniversary. So I honestly can't say much about her. I have known him since I was in junior high, through the church we'd both been going to. He's never been on my myspace because of her, I honestly did not know if he had one or not, we coorespond by occassional emails and by the occassional run in while I'm in town. I was a bit bothered by it and it did upset me to see him so upset over it, and therefore I did blog about it. Brian's SIL had to go and take offense at it adn think it to be about her.

Granted not long ago both her account and her husband's account were both deleted, and a new joint account was established. I just assumed that since she was no longer on my friend's list and was no longer able to see my blogs that I keep private that she wanted to have that privledge again without it seeming that way. My BIL was still on my friend's list and was still able to see my blogs. But for her to take offense at something I blog about AGAIN with it having ZERO to do with her, it makes me wonder if maybe she's not a little more guilty of all these things anyways. Its just ridiculous. I should be free to blog whatever I'd like when it respects someone's privacy without having to worry about having my name drug through the mud over things someone knows nothing about! Its just very childish, but I'm going to assume that someone that has a great number of children with a great number of men doesn't know how to be an adult.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

My Piece to you Idiotic Americans!

Now, before anyone gets bent out of shape, this is what I see, my opinions, I love living here, and in no way am I bashing this country. This is a soap box explaining the hypocrisies and idiocracies that I have observed. You're welcome to disagree with me, but I am letting you know now I am only expressing my freedom of speech and my entitlement to be a free willed, free thinking bodied person as God designed me. giggle1.gif

Gas is just ridiculous and the idiots in charge think that we the commoners can adjust at the drop of the dimes we now search our cars for to pay for gas. Yes, I realize that other countries have been paying WAY more for for a great number of years, but those same countries also have free medical and such provided by the government, so we not only have to pay out the ass for gas, but we also pay out the ass in order for most of us to function on a day to day basis and stay alive. Most idiots also don't take to stock the fact that most other countries that are paying such for gas are no bigger than most states here and have intricate public transportation access for most of their commuters. Not to be taken for granted as well that the US was founded by a lot of angry, lazy, prudes that came here in search of something better than they had elsewhere but no real plan once they got here, Americans from day one have always relied on someone else to fill their needs and wants, and when they got what they needed they said "fuck you" and killed them off whether by war, disease, or genocide. The very things that started this country have never really changed, we as Americans have only changed our styles of doing things and if we're doing it its called democratic order, but someone else does it its called terrorism or something equally degrading. It doesn't matter what Americans have called it over the years, its all the same. Originally the prudes came here to escape the slavery they felt to a church, so in turn they enslaved "savages" -- people that didn't believe what they believed, didn't think the way they thought, and didn't speak the language they spoke. Its always been that way. Eventually as the prudes became more populated they sought out to be greedy and wanted this land for themselves, instead of sharing the land, they took it, forced millions of people from the lands they knew and forced them to adopt a whole new culture, a vile one to the majority. A few years go by and thats not enough, they want to also own people. It goes on and on, anyone remotely familiar with history knows all this. What the prudes did then is NO DIFFERENT than what they are doing now. They're greedy, manipulative, and can't stand for someone to have a different opinion than what they believe is right. Thats all it boils down to, the only reason the government is in Iraq is because they have something we want, not to establish democracy or peace. Its not going to matter how many of our children, brothers, sisters, parents die on foreign lands they are still going to have civil unrest and wars. Americans cannot take care of the unrest and violence and poverty in their own homes, why the fuck does one honestly think that Americans will be able to make a difference somewhere that they're not wanted!

Seriously! If your marriage counselor is having marital problems, do you really think they'd be able to help you with your problems? They can't help themselves?! If your shrink is a pill head and insists on them to get by on a day to day basis do you honestly think they can help you to cope? If your lawyer can't work out a peaceable agreement amongst his partners do you honestly think he can help you? You don't ask a mom that has out of control brats how to make yours behave, its just ridiculous!

Ok, I've said my piece!

Now, if you happen to not be one of those idiotic Americans I addressed this to, please feel free to add what ever you'd like