Friday, August 8, 2008

A Vent!

My XH. I can't stand him, can't stand to hear his voice, see his face, even get completely unnerved just by seeing a picture of him. He called my mother's house at least 7 times today. Twice while I was there. I finally picked up the phone and accepted his call to tell him to not call her house again. Fucker proceeds to tell me that the reason he has been acting so "horribly" is because his thyroid has been acting up for the last 5 years. Umm, I left his drunken drug using ass 5 years ago come September 22nd, so 5 years of thyroid problems...fuck him. Puhlease, give me a break. I might be 9 years younger, but I'm not fuckin stupid. Then pop off and tell me you've been sober for three years. Umm...your dumbass has been in prison for the last almost 3 years, duh you're going to be sober....which also means the 9 months that he was out of prison in the last 5 years he was not sober. The same 9 months he was living in Oklahoma with his mother and family, all of whom have been charged with selling drugs...crank, meth, weed, you name it, I had never even heard of most of the drugs before knowing his family. Then he goes on to tell me how it was his probation officer's fault that he didn't pay the ordered child support. WTF! I know BOTH his old probation officers, his current case worker, and the lady in charge of the halfway house he was in, I've kept in contact with all of them in an effort to keep tabs on him and his whereabouts, he went back to prison for not going to his classes, for not staying sober, for being an ass, for not paying his fines, fees, and child support, don't go giving me this bullshit that its THEIR fault you're an asshole. Two of them have even used that exact term. He thinks he can talk his way around everything and thinks he's so fuckin intimidating and thinks the world owes him shit. FUCK! Then he goes on about how hard he's had it over the last 5 years. NO FUCKIN WAY! How fuckin hard can it possibly be to sit in prison, where there is a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food in your gut! While I'm working my ass off at three different jobs just so I can keep from putting MY son on the streets. You're not a fuckin father, don't call me up wanting to talk to MY son, threatening to take me to court, you've written two letters and made three phone calls in 5 years, every one of those letters and phone calls you've threatened me, you've threatened my life, my livelihood, and you have unnerved me to the very bone. For years I've heard had to hear about how he's going to be a father and is going to take care of things, but the ass couldn't even show up for the court dates. I made sure to wait until he was out of jail, on probation, before I filed anything ...the divorce, the restraining order, and the child custody, sit there and tell me your PO wouldn't let you. I talked to him, everytime. He didn't know where you were, he'd fuckin know if you were in jail. I'm NOT FUCKIN STUPID!!! Thats another thing. There's a restraining order. A NO CONTACT restraining order, that means don't call me, don't see me, don't write me, that goes for calling my mother thinking I still live there. GOD he's dumb!

Then he goes off and tells me that he's set up with some sort of work center that'll pay up to $10,000 in back child support that he owes, will help him pay off his fines, and all this other crap, then he's going to move back here and is going to take me to court to get Mikeal. He wants us to be "friends".

There is no way in any sort of hell that I can stomach being "friends" with him. He is a very abusive asshole, he is a child molester, and he can't fuckin own up to anything being his fault. Its his mother's fault he did drugs before he was even a teenager, its his brother's fault for being shot by a police officer, so that's why he's violent and bullshit. Its because of his thyroid that he drank. Its my fault for being a tall friendly chick that anyone seems comfortable talking to, so therefore he had to be violent and abusive with me. Its his PO's fault he didn't take care of his responsibilities. Its the drug & alcohol's fault he did what he did to me and that little girl. Its the parents' fault for not keeping an eye on her. He has a fuckin excuse for everything!

Nothing has changed. He's still trying to control my life, still trying to show that he thinks he's calling the shots. He gets out in November. November 22nd to be exact. He'll be completely out, no probation, nothing. Supposedly he's going to be hooked up with this place that'll pay his child support. Thats great. October 31st I'll be married one year, Brian will then be eligible to adopt Mikeal, this is our plan, always has been our plan since the night he proposed to me. We are hoping to be able to have the process at least started in early November. I want that man out of our lives. I don't want child support from him, nothing.

And it makes me incredibly SICK that there is a program that allows criminals a "fresh start" on their back child that is paid for no doubt by taxpayers, at least to some degree. Basically I'm paying my own child support by paying taxes. Thanks system. There are fuckin kids out there WAY worse off than my child, children that need this help, children whose mothers don't qualify for assistance, but can't survive, and you want to fuckin use that money that could be helping those kids, or their schools, or something else as important, you'd rather use that money to help my child molesting, abusive ex-husband pay off his child support so that he doesn't go back to prison over past due child support. FUCK YOU! And then you're going to put him through job training classes so that he can get a job. There are people who would actually use it, that need it, but no my tax dollars have to go to help a convict get a leg up. There was no program for me to pay off my fines, no program for me to take care of my child when I needed it, there was none of this shit, no one basically gave me $20,000 to get a new start. NO I did ALL this shit on my own. I've poured blood, sweat, and tears to get my life where it is now and I was the one taking care of a child! I'm still paying shit.

I really can't stand him, I can't stand the way he gets under my skin, and I can't grrrrr....I don't know.

I really wish he'd just disappear, but I know, that even when Brian is Mikeal's full guardian he'll harrass us even more, if not him then his mother, his aunts, all of them. I've already spoken to a Detective here, and he's going to help me out with a lot of this, I've also spoken to the Judge, she said I can't do much until he's either out and violates the order...he gets out Nov 22, the order expires Dec 13th this year....or its closer to time of the order expiring. :sigh: I talk to the detective again in the morning as the ex called after I'd gone in and filed the first report of him calling my mom's house multiple times today. I'm being as proactive as I can be legally, but I'm still scared for mine and Mikeal's well being. I don't know that I'll ever get over that fear.

Sorry to be so long winded, but I had to get it out and talk to someone about it.

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