Thursday, June 24, 2010


I'm at a crossroads.

See, I'm not too terribly fond of liars, hypocrites, thieves, and users.

I've always worked hard for what I have, that's not to say I haven't received help along the way, but I have worked for everything I do have.

Yes, I'm currently a stay-at-home-mom, but that doesn't mean I don't operate and run this household within our budget. I'm nearly 30 years old and have yet to obtain a single credit card. People who say they can't get by without one are just lazy and unwilling to find a way around life without one. I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings but that's my opinion.

So often I see people stretch their credit out to the last nickle then turn around and file bankruptcy. I'm not talking about bankruptcy brought on by medical ailments or other such unforeseeable accidents. I'm talking about the $200,000 home with only a $50,000 income, the $20,000 credit debt acquired to furnish the house, and the countless other thousands put on credit for vehicles, clothes, electronics, and just junk. I view most of these persons as THIEVES. That's right, I said it. After all what else do you call someone who "borrows and borrows", then never pays back?

But this post isn't about all that exactly.

It has to do with people on Facebook, truth be told.

I have someone "Pending" in my "Friend Request" box. I don't care a lot for this person. Socially I should, but I don't. She's made her relationship with me based on a LOT of lies. I keep my ties with her strictly to a nearly non-existent point. I can't exactly cut her completely out because of the simple fact she's Brian's mother, but I really don't want her on my Facebook page.

If this makes me a bad person, so be it.

I have taken more crap from this woman than anyone deserves, for what? To be treated like shit? To be spit on because apparently being the mother of two children, foster mother to two more children, and having many other obligations to take care of, while battling my own (still) untreated depression and physical problems, isn't enough of a load, that I also have to be available at her beck and call? Sorry Charlie, just not my cup of tea.

Don't get me wrong, I did nothing wrong by her. I took her to her doctor appointments, took her shopping, when she wasn't doped up out of her head and canceled on me after driving all the way out to the place she was staying in, after getting 4 kids ready to get out and about. I drove out there every few days until she had a phone, to check on her, other days my mom who lived basically next door (as next door as you can get in the middle of nowhere), and still other days Brian would drop in and check on her after work. She never went more than a 24 hour period without someone knocking on the door to check on her. Yet we abandoned her.

She was "dying". For someone who's dying of some rare heart disease she had a funny way of showing it. I didn't take a lot of issue with it until after she drove from upstate New York, down to Alabama, then out to Oklahoma, all within 5 days, with such a bad heart that it was only at 13% function. Not only was she doing all this driving 100% by herself, but she was driving a moving truck. I'm sorry, I've made a few just 8 hour drives to move and it completely EXHAUSTED me, and I'm a relatively healthy 28 year old...back then I was 18-21, 25, and 27, having completed my most recent 8hr drive move just a few months ago, right before my 28th birthday. There's no way that I'd feel up to making a 36 hour drive in just 5 days, by myself, NO WAY! Much less while dying of some rare heart disease that only 2% of people even survive, supposedly.

I still have no clue what the name of this rare disease is, but do know that my father had a pretty mild heart defect that did kill him at 44 years old and he was no where near as "active" as she is, bouncing all over the country driving a moving truck. My dad had passed away roughly the year before my mother-in-law made this spectacular display of herself. So I just *kinda* take heart issues QUITE seriously.

Then I got to know my mother-in-law a bit better. She was ALWAYS about the attention being on her...then it hit me. The VERY day that I was in the hospital to have Mikaila is the EXACT same day that she "nearly died" from this heart disease, her heart function that day was only at 2%. It was up to 13% when she made the countryside travels & move, supposedly the doc in Oklahoma told her she needed a pace maker, but she moved a week later to Texas, and by the time she got down to Texas, when Mikaila was 7 months old, her heart function was up to 54% with no need for a pacemaker. Now she's "beat" this disease.

Now, I don't quite claim to be some sort of super genius, but I'm pretty sure that all these activities and lack of real medical intervention didn't cause her heart to miraculously heal on it's own. DO keep in mind that this woman also smokes roughly 2.5 packs of cigarettes a DAY. She's on about 50 types of medications - most for "anxiety" or "sleep issues" or things like Percocet for her "severe" migraines...and who knows what else, but I recognize most of them as meds my current doctor will NOT prescribe because of their additive nature, and she pops them like candy.

Then there was the day that we packed up her house for her so she could move to Texas. The woman claims to be deathly allergic to bee stings - ok, legitimate enough, I suppose - she makes sure to have epi-pens on her at all times, in case of a sting. NOW! Again, I don't claim to be some sort of super genius, but generally if a person is stung by a bee there is redness and swelling, allergic or not. Not to fail to mention the fact that shooting up with an epi-pen does not in itself act as an antihistamine to the allergic reaction, it merely just keeps your heart pumping, you have to ALSO take an antihistamine with it to ward off the effects of an allergic reaction. She supposedly gets stung on her finger, afterall, if you look closely and squint you might be able to see a little bit of reddening between the rings on her hands. She refuses to take the Benedryl with the epi-pen because it'd make her sleepy. As if she was really doing anything but bitching about how Brian and I were loading the moving truck anyways. But, whatever, it gives her the "boost" she needs to keep "alive".

That just covers the surface area. I really don't want her to be on my Facebook Friends' list, but at the same time I feel slightly obligated to at least give her a response of some sort.

Maybe this entry will take care of that for me. Afterall I'm sure my stalker will be more than willing to share it.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Because I Have the Time

...I am afterall almost done with the housework. Laundry is going at the speed of the machines, not much I can do to hurry that process up. REALLY wish I had a clothes line, but all in due time, I'm sure. It does help that the dryer, and washer for that matter, are down in the basement where it ironically stays quite cool despite no AC down there and the blistering heat outside.

...I am also done with my homework. No classwork to do again until next Saturday. Then I get to start on a "real" class. Not that my other classes haven't been beneficial, but they have been a bit redundant, to me at least. My next class is Medical Terminology. Now, I do find myself to be fairly competent where medical terminology is concerned, but I really expect to learn quite a bit over the next 5.5 weeks of this class. Algebra follows that.

...The kids are playing this is quietly playing in her room and the other is watching TV or reading his book. So all is peaceful...right now.

That brings me to my new thought for right now. Children and fighting.

I know that they are fighting because they're learning. One is learning her boundaries with her brother, the other is learning patience with the one who do not understand quite as much as he does. I'm powerless to really stop it, it's going to happen...and it's only going to get worse before it gets better, so I only "interfere" when there is a possibility of serious injury or am asked for help.

How do I justify not breaking up their fighting?

1) It's going to happen, as I already mentioned. My siblings and I fought our whole lives...some fights were nicer than others...some fights left someone in stitches or a cast, it happens. Sometimes a lesson is learned and sinks in, problem resolved. Other times there's nothing that'll get to the core of a thick skull, including a 2x4, and in those cases it's just best to wash your hands and leave the rest to the authority figures, that's what they're there for.

2) It's a part of growing up. They're learning life skills. The things they learn while fighting in the comfort of home will stick with them in the long run. If I jump in at every squabble then they're going to never learn how to resolve a conflict for themselves. They're going to always expect someone else to fix their problem and make it fair for everyone. Well, tough shit, life isn't fair for everyone. If you want something you have to work for it or find out a way to attain it. Sometimes that takes waiting your turn, sometimes it takes a barter (do for me, I do for you), other times it take just sheer force of will or brute strength.

3) I'd spend more time breaking up a squabble than I would getting anything done. They often are able to figure it out for themselves, whether they work it out or decide it's not worth fighting about, they'll figure it out. If they need some help for a higher authority, they'll ask.....or come running, screaming, and/or crying...and then the problem will be taken care of swiftly and completely, at least for that time.

4) They really do love each other and they do get along great 98% of the time. Like any great relationship between two individuals there are going to be highs and lows. The thing that makes it worth it is the highs out number the lows. Sometimes a low can get pretty fucking low, but those are only the tests of a real friendship & relationship. You just have to let the problem "rest" carry on for a while, doing your own thing, then at a better time you can go back to the good times in the relationship.

The fighting between siblings is no different than any other confrontation that they will face in life. But them having the skills taught by experience by fighting with their siblings, at a young age, will benefit them beyond measure later in life.

You Might Get Lucky

I have cut down on some of my other online activities...okay, I'll admit to it. I behaved in an not as childish of a manner, but still a childish manner in reaction to others' childish ways and now I have some 30 less people to have to "deal with" on Facebook and am no longer a part of some forums. I'm also getting ready to finish my last day of class until next week, so who knows, you may get pretty lucky this month as I let go of all this word diarrhea.

I also no longer really care if my stalkers wish to stalk me, that's on them. They no longer know where my husband works or our current phone number, so the tension at home over their bullshit is just gone in that aspect, so I feel a bit liberated. Plus, I love my current blog domain name and have no desire to create a new one. Call me lazy, too, if you want but I also wish not to pack up this blog and move it. Then there is the small point I made some time ago where I said I wasn't going to let others' influence my blog and well I broke my promise to myself on that note for a while, but I'm "back" now.

I have real friends and family members that do enjoy reading what I have to post and it's not fair to them for me to withhold on the account of immature people who claim to be adults. So from the abyss of trying to appease people I am reviving my blog. Just as a refresher read this post.

Have a Happy Reading! I must now go finish getting laundry done, the house cleaned, and some floors scrubbed so that I may go out for dinner and swimming later with friends! <3

Thursday, June 17, 2010

A Post a Day

HA! Who am I kidding?! If you're an avid reader of my blog you know that's me doing more of that crazy talk I do once in a while. I can count you lucky though if you catch more than five new posts from me a month, much less anything more than that, especially lately.

So some quick updates:

1) I'm not pregnant at this time. I'm going to be seeing a "real" gynecologist sometime next month to get to the bottom of getting this Mirena removed.

2) Mikaila goes in on the 1st of July to have surgery done to remove her adenoids and have tubes put in her ears. I guess I haven't given y'all that news... Because of her speech and behavioral issues we've been seeing a number of different therapists and specialists. A hearing test was ordered, but before her doc would sign off on it he wanted her to be seen by an ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat Specialist). The ENT noticed a lot of fluid built up, gave me a script of antibiotics to give her, followed up about 3 weeks later, there was zero change in the fluid, so the surgery was scheduled. The general consensus is that her tonsils and adenoids are larger than is necessary for a gal her size...likely have been all her life since she has snored every sleeping moment of her life. She's a big mouth breather as well, always has been, hence contributing to our problems with her being able to latch on comfortably to breastfeed, bottle feeding was slightly better, but I still had to hold the bottle just so. She's always ALWAYS had sleep issues...some months are WAY worse than others. She's always, ALWAYS, had a runny nose. There really is a long list and had she had a competent doctor to begin with most of these problems could of been taken care of a long time ago. Ironically it wasn't apparent or brought up in the traditional sense because she's only ever had two diagnosed ear infections. The fluid was always mentioned at her well-checks and other visits with her previous incompetent doctor's office, but nothing worthy of more note than that, apparently. UGH!

3) My ex has moved out of Oklahoma. He's supposedly living in Missouri now...and I just won't get into that whole can of "what the fuck" right now. There went my $200 a month child support payment...can I get a "big whoopdeedoo"/"what did you expect"?

4) Brian and I both have awesome health insurance now!

5) This week has been one positive after one negative bombshell all week long.

I'd go into more of the details, but I have an ugly stalker and care not to indulge her with everything too.

Later lovies!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Montgomery Bell State Park

Since the state park is only about 3 miles from the house we often take the kids down there. Once in a while we meet up with some other friends of ours who have a batch of kids between them, plus run a daycare. It's loads of fun! There's one section that had a full playground and a small stream that runs through the backside of the playground. We've had picnic lunches and BBQ'ed dinner out there a few times. Just loads of good (free) fun...not to fail to mention the fact that Mikaila often passes out HARD after a few hours of playing there.

Mikaila has gotten herself into a pattern of activities for when we go there. She plays on the slide/jungle gym that's there for a while. Then switches over to swinging for a this point dinner or lunch is ready to be served, if we didn't eat beforehand, and we go eat. After that though she's in the water! After an hour or three we're finally able to get her away from the creek, where she'll then go back to the swings for a few, then it's time to go home. She fights the going home part, but not for too long. After a little while she's just asleep.

I got a few awesome pictures the other day of the kids and some of their friends.