Wednesday, June 18, 2008

A Bit of a History Lesson about Me.

My second marriage was completely awful, not only on the part of my husband, but also his mother's side of the family. They are all beyond the scum of the earth IMO.

I met my ex while going thru a drunken oblivious depressed time in my life and I was only 19, I'd already moved away from home ((4 hours away)) and anyways, it was just a really bad time both in my family & my personal life. ((This plays in a little later, kinda)).

To say the least I was not in a good frame of judgment whatsoever. My ex was fun in the manner that he was always buying the booze, I was underage, I drank at least a 12 pack & 1/2 a fifth of something every night and still maintained at least two jobs consistently. 9/11 happened, I went to NY for a few months, came back for a visit mid-November for ex's birthday...wound up preg with Mikeal. I came back to Arkansas mid-December. His boss was fixing to transfer him to Indiana and I wanted to go with him, he had been a constant figure in my life during this time, I thought I was in love :roll: . I took a preg test on Christmas evening...came up +, we packed the U-Haul the next day. He was completely excited over me being preg...until he realized I wasn't drinking anymore, and I started noticing just what kind of :asshat: he was. He became increasingly violent towards me, fracturing my eye socket once and other such injuries. I was stupid and naive for too long of a time believing all his promises to quit drinking, to get help, etc. I gave him chance after chance, only to be met with failure. :doh:

I also had to endure hearing about how he just knows that Mikeal wasn't his, that I was screwing around on him in NY and that it was a bi-racial baby ((although thats not the word he used)) because my first husband who was previously killed in a wreck was bi-racial... :roll: and once you go black you don't go back...according to his mother. I was also constantly being compared to his mother, how much of a slut his mom was, and how I'm just like her cause I have red hair and am "heavy set" and have been with a bi-racial man, also that I was no where near as good as his mom. When she vacuums all the lines go the same way...a kitchen/bathroom isn't clean if there are water spots on the faucets...etc.

I endured all that. When Mikeal was about 3/4 months old ((around mid-December)) I ended up preg again, I was on the depo shot this time. ((because of the assult I'd received during my pregnancy with Mikeal I did not tell anyone about this pregnancy, I was too scared at this point)) On New Years Eve my ex was working in an apartment complex, he was a door to door salesman, he saw a 5 year old little girl playing there, obviously unsupervised, & lead her into the laundry room can guess. The cops figured out who he was fortunately a few days later and he was charged with indecent exposure and some sort of imprisonment charge for the door being closed. He told me that he was peeing and the girl walked in on him, with the door shutting behind her...

I believed his story because I just never thought he'd be the type, and his charged fit the story he gave me...none of the officers, lawyers, etc told me any different either in the beginning. We were 7 months into the trial before I find out the truth. His words were "I've never been with a woman smaller than me so I thought I'd see what it was like"...((I'm 6' tall, he's 5'8")) he did not follow through with it, just exposed himself, both in his story and the story of the girl.

Around this time we're living in a house owned by his aunt as I'm still not "allowed" to work and he's not able to get/keep decent employment because of his drinking & later found out meth habit. I end up losing the baby I was pregnant with during one of his drunken meth enforced rampages. ((he never believed me when I tried telling him I was preg, and I never told my family because I knew I'd just be further critized, I kept hoping that the trial would wrap up soon and I could be free of him)) I started devising a plan to completely screw him over every way possible. He was going to prison soon and I was going to have every opportunity to play my cards then.

And I did. I spent the next two months, after losing the baby plotting and lying my ass off. I convinced him that I cared for him, that I was going to be there when he got out of prison, yada yada, he was just given 4 months wtih 4 years probation. ((at this time my mom was still dealing with things and I couldn't go live with her as both my brothers, my one brother's girlfriend and their baby, I had no other family at that time to turn to, nor anymore friends because of my ex))

A friend of my ex had some apartments and so rented one to me mainly in exchange for doing work around her properties, I was just working as a waitress at a nowhere cafe, and because of his drinking and meth habits we had no money whatsoever. He went to prison in September. I wrote him a letter the first of October telling him that I was going to be getting a divorce and that I never wanted to see him again. Things went way downhill from there. In November I quit my waitressing job because of the indecent proposals of my boss, I took up work at a bar, I started drinking again :doh: . My neighbor babysat Mikeal, even when I was home, they would beg me to let them adopt him. I got fired from the bar job, so took up work right next to the bar I liked, and drank before driving the 30 miles home. I was back in my old habits. I was dealing with myself fighting with the idea that I had to get a divorce, that things were never going to get any better, and my moral conscience that told me divorce was wrong.

In January my ex got out of prison and I would not sign the papers for him to come back, he went to a halfway house, all his family members are felons or had felons living with them, so he couldn't move in with any of them. My heavy drinking went on from November until mid-May. I'd found myself basically homeless ((living with a guy & his wife that I'd met at the bar)), without a vehicle ((the one I'd bought died completely on me)), & again without a job.

I'd moved out of the apartment without paying the last two months rent, the lease was not in my name so I intentionally broke it, and the landlady had turned into a royal b*tch, because I was leaving my ex. Both the truck and the van were in his name, I quit making the payments on them all together so they were repo-ed. I also pawned my wedding set for less than 1/4 of its worth and sent him the receipt after the 90 day claim was up. Just to name a few of the things I did to him.

((This is not the kidnapping))
Mother's Day 2004 my depression had reached its brink, I decided it was time to either shape up or ship out. I called CPS on myself, made them take Mikeal from me & asked that they give me a plan to work to get myself straighten up before they let me have him back. They didn't see my situation as badly as I did and so had my son go live with my xMIL, telling me that when I thought I was able to take care of him I can go pick him up, CPS had no further involvement, except to get my xMIL set up with emergency housing, she was one of the felons living with her sister, got her set up with food stamps, the works, even helped her buy a car. I got a job a few blocks from where I was staying, working 60-90 hours a week, quit drinking, saved up my money, finally got enough to put a deposit on an apartment of my own and was buying a truck.

My xILs started causing me major problems around this time, they did not want me to have Mikeal back, period. They started a fire in my truck while I was at work, my insurance did not cover it. They started sparatically lodging complaints about me to my employer, causing her to cut my hours, then eventually firing me cause of the drama they were causing in the dining area. It had only been two months. I had started chatting in a chat room during this time to keep me from going to the bar out of boredom. I met a really great guy who lived in Austin, and was planning on moving there at some point anyways, he offered for me to rent a room in his house in exchange for being a nanny. I did background checks, etc, he completely checked out, but I still didn't know him personally, but I was willing to go for it, it was a chance to get away from my xILs. I told my xMIL that I was going to be going to my mom's for the weekend, and after that would be back. I already made sure with the lady I'd called at CPS that I was legit in taking my son back, my ILs were refusing to even let me see him at this point. I moved to Austin mid-August, Mikeal turned two the end of August. ((I met Brian Labor Day weekend here))

In September I was served papers to go to court, my ILs were trying to get custody of Mikeal. I went to court, the judge all but laughed her out of the court room. The same thing happened in October. Before the judge I agreed upon week's visit. They were supposed to take Mikeal to go see his sperm donor in Kansas City, yada yada. I lived 8 hours south of them, the ILs being in Tulsa, I being in Austin, and ex being in KC. I came back a week later and she'd moved out of the apartment, and all of her relatives claimed they had no idea where she was. I tried filing kidnapping charges, but because I had nothing in writing from a judge and my divorce was still not final I had no ground to stand on, so long as the sperm donor said it was ok for them to have Mikeal I was screwed, unless Mikeal was able to be in my sight and right there.

Friends of mine that I'd met during my drinking time, most of whom also knew the type of scum my ex and family are, kept watch out for Mikeal at different places that my xILs lived. January 8th I got a call at 2 in the afternoon that they'd seen him and that they'd be following her if she left the house she was at until I got there. I was flat broke as it was two days before payday. It took me less than 1 hour to scrounge up roughly $200 and someone to go with me to help me drive and be back up to call the cops just in case.

I got there not long after 10 pm....I never knew before then that my car had wings and that not all cops are jerks. I showed up at their door, and there he was. I calmly stated that I was taking Mikeal with me and asked that they get his clothes, toys, etc, so I could take them with me. Everything was fine until I picked him to actually leave. Then I had 3 women 3x my size jump me, I lost a chunk of hair, my face was scratched up, I was fairly bruised, but held my own. They did manage to get Mikeal away from me and locked him in a back bedroom. My friend out in the car called the cops for me and after about two hours of dealing with all that the cops convinced me to not file charges and to just go to Texas and forget Oklahoma ever existed. They tried for another 6 months to get Mikeal from me. After getting Mikeal back home with me we noticed he had severely regressed, as he was no longer potty trained, he has SEVERE night terrors, and was no longer the uber sweet little boy he had been prior to all this. Its been almost 4 years and he still occasionally has the night terrors and bad flashbacks of living with them.

I moved back to Oklahoma a year after leaving so that I could save a ton of money on my divorce by living in the same state as my ex, as he'd moved back to Tulsa. My divorce was quick and painless for me finally. That family is only allowed 2 hour supervised visits on the second Saturday of the month. My divorce has been final since this past Friday, June 13th, for two years, and not a single one of them have even so much as sent him a birthday card, letter, phone call, nothing.

In some ways I'm glad that they are not still trying to harass me, but on the same token, that is Mikeal's family, and one day he is going to want to know them. But in the meantime he is completely happy to have his daddy that he knows, the man thats been there through so much of all of this with both of us. :heart: Brian.

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