Saturday, February 19, 2011

Number 301

Yep...that's what number post I'm on (on this blog) and I've been trying to think of something to mark this particular post monumental...and well, I've come up short.

I considered doing a post listing 301 things about me and well...I'm not terribly sure I have all that many interesting things to say about myself.

Okay, I lied. I know I have at least that many interesting things to say about myself, after all I've written 300 posts about me, my thoughts, my family, etc, so I should be able to create a post with a list of 301 random sentences about me.

The question remains though, would you seriously be interested in reading a list of 301 things about me?

I'll take my chances and attempt this feat. Feel more than free to skip to the end and just make a comment about what you think of me...who knows, I may even open this post up to anonymous comments so that all my lovely 'lovers' can let me know. I also don't mind if you make something up, in the very least it'll give me a giggle (I hope).

The List:

1. I am 28 years old.
2. I will be 29 on the eve of Cinco de Mayo.
3. I love my beer dark & in a glass container.
4. I enjoy a decent Lambrusca wine when the mood strikes.
5. I'm no longer fond of tequila.
6. Truthfully, tequila is no longer fond of me.
7. I really am not an alcoholic.
8. I can no longer afford to be an alcoholic?
9. Truthfully, I couldn't afford it back then either, I was just single.
10. I am loving Absolut Mandarin with pineapple juice.
11. I've been back in school for a year now.
12. I have an 8 year old son, Mikeal.
13. I have a 3 year old daughter, Mikaila.
14. I have a 27 year old brother, Daniel.
15. I have a 26 year old sister, Samantha.
16. I have a 23 year old 'baby' brother, Duke.
17. I have a wonderful husband.
18. I've been enamored with my husband since the day we met, September 2, 2004.
19. I am still enamored with my husband.
20. October 31 will mark our 4 year wedding anniversary.
21. I've been divorced.
22. June 13 is the anniversary of my divorce, this year will mark 5 years.
23. If you ask some folks I've known all my life they'll tell you I'm currently in a 'hospital' in Texas.
24. I've supposedly been in this hospital for the last 6 years.
25. A result is my son is a ward of the state and my daughter doesn't exist.
26. Other folks will tell you I ran off, leaving my husband & children, and no one has heard from me in over a year.
25. These folks wonder why I haven't kept in contact with them over the last year since leaving Oklahoma, with my husband and kids.
26. I've hated Oklahoma since I was 12.
27. I was born next door to the Wal-Mart home office center, in Bentonville, Arkansas.
28. I've lived in a number of states over my life...I think I've lost count.
29. I've lived in Arkansas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Virgina, Oklahoma, Iowa, Montana, Indiana, Texas, Missouri, New York, Tennessee, and Georgia....I think that's it.
30. I've spent my share of nights in county jails.
31. I've been wrongly imprisoned.
32. It took 29 days for the prison to correct their mistake.
33. My ex-husband's adoptive father had me arrested after announcing my intent to divorce (he was the Lieutenant).
34. I spent 10 nights in the city jail, Dec 22 - Jan 1.
35. They released me at 1:45am, New Year's 'morning'.
36. I never was charged with anything.
37. They also have no record of me being there.
38. Same city/county that wrongly imprisoned me for 29 days.
39. People wonder why I hate Oklahoma.
40. I did spend roughly 5 nights, in Texas & Arkansas county jails for legitimate reasons.
41. Williamson County, Texas cops don't take kindly to a white chick driving around, lost, at 3am, with a black man in her car.
42. Williamson County, Texas cops also don't seem to take kindly when you call them out on their racism, by calling them backwoods skinheads with a badge.
43. WilCo cops also must have superb hearing, seeing as I muttered that from 15 feet away while they searched my car.
44. I was very happy though they found nothing in my car, it was new.
45. I partook of regular ganja sessions back then.
46. My daughter just ran out the front door, so I'll get back to this later. (Noon 2/18)
47. Here I am, 14 hours later, getting back to this, I had the satellite internet installed, dinner out with the family, a Twitter wine party, and homework to get done.
48. I've lost my buzz I had during the wine party and homework completion.
49. Dinner was awesome, in every way, at Ruby Tuesday.
50. I lost the momentum I had when I was at #40.
51. At some point I'll get my momentum back.
52. So far, I'm thinking dial-up is better than this crappy satellite connection.
53. It is 2am on 2/19, I'm the only one up, besides the cat.
54. I love horror flicks, but as I've grown older they don't hold my attention the same way...or maybe it's just the EXTREME nature of the Saw movies that has done me in.
55. I'm the chick that watches horror flicks while making running comedic commentary during the whole thing, resulting in me having to watch the movie several more times before I actually know the whole story line.
56. Watching movies a countless number of times doesn't bother me.
57. Watching a movie for the first time with Mikeal, does bother me.
58. I know everything, my son knows I know everything, therefore he has to constantly ask 50 bagillion questions during every new movie, show, etc and expects me to have an answer for him.
59. I actually participated well in the Twitter wine party held earlier, for the first time...I've started to join in the past, then my ADD kicked in.
60. I have adult ADD.
61. You didn't notice, did you?
62. I hide my ADD tendencies well.
63. I lied.
64. I'm currently on Zoloft for depression.
65. My shrink doesn't think I am depressed, just need counseling.
66. My counselor thinks my antidepressant isn't strong enough.
67. I think they're both quacks.
68. I have two months worth of Zoloft 'stockpiled'.
69. My recent maybe pregnancy, maybe miscarriage fiasco is the reason behind the lack of taking the pills.
70. I keep telling myself I'll start taking it again.
71. Both my brothers wives are pregnant.
72. My baby brother's baby is due in August.
73. He and his wife just had a baby in August.
74. The older of my brothers wife is due in July...or one really knows it seems.
75. My sister has been 'trying' to get pregnant for three months.
76. My mom is worried she has something wrong with her reproductively, because it's taken so long.
77. I've been trying since July, had a miscarriage for Christmas, my mom was more worried about her checkbook fuck up.
78. People wonder why I really don't mind living 600+ miles away from my family.
79. I've only seen my Marine baby brother since leaving Oklahoma.
80. I love the friends I've made or gotten to know here in Tennessee over the last year.
81. We moved to Tennessee because one of the moms I know from a 'mommy board' had a house opening up for rent.
82. Brian and I both got entirely 'over' living in Oklahoma that same month, a year ago.
83. My in-laws live just 3 hours away now, in Alabama.
84. Except for my mother-in-law, who is living, as far as we know, outside of Houston, TX.
85. I won't give my mother-in-law our physical address.
86. Last time we gave her our physical address she thought she'd move into our 900sq ft 2 bedroom house with us.
87. Mikeal was 5, Mikaila was 4 months old, and we had temporary custody of my 6 & 3 year old nephews then.
88. Brian is medically sterile due to a botched hernia surgery and subsequent infection.
89. That's how we've ended up pregnant three times in the last 7 years, only Mikaila to show for those pregnancies.
90. I hope I haven't repeated myself yet.
91. Mikaila was conceived the night Brian proposed to me.
92. Brian proposed while we were eating dinner at my daddy's funeral.
93. When he asked me I just gave him a blank stare.
94. He asked me a second time.
95. Of course I said yes.
96. The part of me that believes in the spiritual Karmatic world feels that Mikaila is our blessing from my father.
97. My mother raised me to be Baptist.
98. My father raised me to be open minded to all religions and beliefs.
99. My Granny raised me to be a Jehovah's Witness.
100. I was baptized as a Jehovah's Witness at age 15, to piss off my mother.
101. I lean more towards my father's teachings.
102. My dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 digestive tract cancer, 4 years ago today.
103. The cancer was found during his 4th open heart surgery.
104. He was 44 years old.
105. The cancer was in every digestive organ from his throat to his colon.
106. He died of a heart attack on March 26, 2007.
107. He spent the last 6 years of his life in prison for a crime that I believe to have been made up.
108. He was given a 30 year sentence for supposedly raping my sister.
109. I am 99.9% positive the accusations are completely false.
110. I only say 99.9% because I do love my sister, I don't like her, but I do love her, and on some deep level I want to believe she really wouldn't make up such things.
111. One of her best friends at this time, whom I had worked with, had bragged about how she was able to be exonerated to do as she pleased by making such accusations against her own father.
112. Now you see why I question such?
113. My parents, especially my dad, were strict, by today's standards.
114. But they were lovingly strict, they wanted to raise us to be decent, law abiding human beings.
115. Two of the four of us have never been in jail, of any sort.
116. Two of the four of us are loving, caring, selfless human beings.
117. Three of the four of us know &/or provide for all the children we brought into this world.
118. My baby brother hits all three of those categories.
119. I hit two of them.
120. My sister hits one of them.
121. My other brother, bless him, he's made a lifestyle of making bad decisions, both in women and in friends.
122. It is 3am, my 'bedtime'.
123. I got married the first time on February 7, 2000.
124. I was widowed on February 9, 2000.
125. I got married for the second time on June 27, 2002.
126. I left that bastard September 22, 2003.
127. My divorce from the bastard did not finalize until June 13, 2006.
128. Third time's a charm.
129. I am happy despite all off the bullshit to get here.
130. No, really, I am.
131. I smoke.
132. I don't have a problem with quitting smoking.
133. I've quit cold turkey a few times.
134. Those non-smoking episodes have lasted anywhere from 6 months to 3 years.
135. I first smoked a cigarette when I was 19.
136. I met my first husband when I was 4 years old.
137. We married just a few months shy of my 18th birthday.
138. I met my ex-husband in a bar, when I was 19.
139. Legal age to get into that bar, in a dry county nonetheless, is 21.
140. I was very drunk.
141. I stayed very drunk until my grandmother suggested that she thought I was pregnant.
142. She turned out to be correct.
143. I completely sobered up, immediately.
144. My ex became HIGHLY abusive.
145. I lost my 2nd pregnancy with him because he threw a TV at me, on our 1st wedding anniversary.
146. I was 24 weeks pregnant.
147. Bridgett Sapphire was born and died on June 28th, 2003.
148. I did have a daughter with my late-husband.
149. My medical team of doctors chalked up all my 'symptoms' as symptoms of everything else.
150. The medications I was on during my pregnancy with Alonna Emerald killed her.
151. No, I did not consider that I may be pregnant.
152. I was a virgin on my first wedding night.
153. I was/am on the 'larger built' side of the spectrum.
154. I barely showed, if at all.
155. I lost almost 100lbs that pregnancy, and it wasn't noticeable.
156. I was pregnant during my senior year of high school.
157. I was very active in school, work, church, taking care of 3 younger siblings, who were teenagers, then was kicked out of the house after graduation.
158. I realize now that the ulcers, the cramps, the migraines, the blood pressure issues, depression, and only God knows what else I was treated for were all more pregnancy related than anything else.
159. I was in the care of a number of doctors, one of them 'noticed' either.
160. I hate Oklahoma doctors.
161. Alonna was 14 hours old when I gave the doctors permission to end her suffering.
162. Would I do things differently if it happened now that I am more knowledgeable?
163. I don't know.
164. No one in my family acknowledges Alonna or Bridgett.
165. Does it hurt?
166. Sometimes.
167. But none of them cared enough to even take notice, of any of it.
168. I was very close to one of my aunts as I was growing up.
169. I told her about losing Bridgett being the final straw for me, asked her about living with them, since her older 3 kids had moved out.
170. I was told I was a horrible heathen (to put it nicely) to even consider breaking my marriage vows.
171. If you were to ask her about me today she'd tell you that I'm in a mental hospital, permanently, in Texas, and I've been there for the last 7 years or so.
172. Part of that has to do with the fact I stuck up for my father, her baby brother, and not my sister.
173. My family has issues.
174. It's no wonder my counselor & shrink can't agree on my treatment.
175. I think I missed my most recent counseling appointment.
176. Nope, nevermind, it's not until the 22nd.
177. Maybe I'll print this list and let her read over it.
178. I'm sure she'll take kindly to me calling her a quack.
179. I really don't think she's a quack, she's seen me more than once and didn't tell me I seemed perfectly normal.
180. I've probably had half a dozen shrinks & counselors tell me I seemed normal to them.
181. Just because I seem normal doesn't mean that the pain isn't there.
182. Just because I seem normal doesn't mean I don't want to talk to someone about my issues, someone that can offer me exercises and support to work through some of my hang-ups.
183. You're still reading this?
184. Should I tell you that it's 3:30am now and I really didn't go to bed 62 sentences ago?
185. I don't like being up this late.
186. When I'm up this late these types of sentences & details come out my fingers.
187. I wouldn't be lying if I told you I maybe have 40 posts that I never completed and never published because of all this crap.
188. I typed most of them up between the hours of 2 & 4am.
189. I actually like this format for posting the 'crap'.
190. The concise sentences hit the details without all my filler.
191. Seriously, have you read other posts I've written?
192. Then you know exactly what type of filler I'm talking about.
193. There's enough extra non-essential filler in some of those posts that even I don't have a clue what I'm talking about.
194. All of my blog posts are first, final, only drafts.
195. I blog because its therapeutic to me.
196. I've posted disclaimers on blogs I have gone back and edited.
197. If I really took the time to go back later and proofread and revise my posts you really wouldn't know the first thing really about me.
198. I'm honestly painfully shy.
199. No, I lied.
200. I'm not shy.
201. I'm not comfortable with receiving sympathy, condolences, or pats on the back for living life.
202. I didn't type and post the crap of my life to hear your words of shock, encouragement, sympathy, or anything of that nature.
203. I posted the crap because I wanted to share this stuff.
204. My blog is my journal of pieces of things I want to leave for my children.
205. I don't want it all to be sugar coated.
206. I know my children will be adults one day.
207. They need to know that regardless of what they think their momma wasn't perfect.
208. I made mistakes.
209. I suffered heartbreak.
210. I lived the life of a breathing human.
211. I passed harsh judgment on others.
212. I bragged about my children.
213. I vented about my children.
214. I embarrassed my children.
215. I love their father, but he's not perfect either.
216. Folks have told me I should write a book about my life.
217. I've tried, several times.
218. A book wouldn't do my life justice.
219. There are thousands of books about people's lives, their trials, tribulations, triumphs, failures, etc.
220. Has this society benefited from such books?
221. Sarah Palin has proved that any egotistical arrogant bitch can have a book written about her life and superficial thoughts.
222. Why should I join those ranks?
223. I have a public blog.
224. It's free to read.
225. I don't have to go whore myself out to sell copies or make money off of it.
226. I mean, really, look towards the top, below my profile info, I have a counter of blog hits.
227. This is my 300th post and I haven't even broken 1000 blog hits since putting up the counter at my 200th post.
228. The 'lifetime' counter, from when I started this blog, three or so years ago, is only sitting at around 3000...and every time I access my blog it counts as a hit.
229. I prefer to live my life helping persons, in the flesh.
230. Or by sending them packages through the mail, if I'm not able to make the trip personally.
231. I've been homeless.
232. I was homeless with a 15 month old child.
233. My mother, sister, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc didn't give me the time of day.
234. Random folks that I met in chatrooms, forums, at work, at social events got me through that dark period of my life.
235. I met my husband through a chatroom.
236. I met my best friend in that same chatroom.
237. I was given a car by a person that I only barely talked to in that chatroom, only saw him twice, once when he handed me the keys, the second time when I had the money to pay him a small bit on the car.
238. He moved a few weeks later, ignored my requests for his mailing address so I could send him the other $500 of the $600 he'd offered me the car for.
239. Many others from that chatroom I didn't physically meet until they picked me up to move into their lavish homes or apartments as I worked to pick up the pieces of my life.
240. It took me almost two years to get into a steady habit of being able to take care of my son, in my own place.
241. I've not been back in such a position.
242. Being 21, single, depressed, ran through the rocks and the wringer, with a toddler is no easy feat.
243. Thank God for all the awesome people I have met in my adult life.
244. I've never considered suicide.
245. Suicide is a cop-out.
246. Living life is hard, period.
247. It doesn't matter if you came from a small town, backwoods, 'welfare' family or your nanny clothed your butt in platinum diapers from the top of the mountain.
248. The simple fact is you're human.
249. You will face failure.
250. You will encounter success.
251. Its after 4am.
252. Life is blissfully the hardest most rewarding thing you'll ever die to live through.
253. I'm kinda shocked I've made it this far in this list.
254. I had a bit of wine this evening.
255. I did not know it was possible to feel like I have a hangover headache, before I even make it to bed.
256. Because of the headache, and the fact I want to end this post on a better note, I'm actually going to go to bed now, I'll finish in a few hours.
257. I stayed up WAY too late last night (this morning).
258. My house is a disaster.
259. Its only a disaster because I've been stuck in internet connection, homework, blogging, company, children home, hubbub of activity.
260. We're out of milk & Brian left his cell phone at home.
261. He has my car because his truck won't start.
262. Eggs, yogurt, and toast sounds REALLY good right now.
263. I need to get into a better habit of eating breakfast, at breakfast, instead of just relying on coffee again.
264. I'm in the process of losing 50lbs.
265. My doctor thinks I should lose closer to 100lbs.
264. I'm a 6ft tall, well built, female.
265. Weighing the 'recommended' 180 pounds just makes me look anorexic and just plain outright sick.
266. When I was 50lbs lighter, at 220lbs, I was wearing a size 10, and my clothes actually fit, properly, with no flabby flesh hanging over or out of my clothes.
267. My goal weight is 220lbs, because that is what I am comfortable at.
268. My current weight does not interfere with anything, I'm highly active, I run, hike, can still do 100 push-ups without 'dying' ...and not the girly push-ups either...I just shocked my Marine baby brother with my 'abilities'.
269. My cholesterol, blood pressure, etc are all well within 'perfect' range.
270. I have no actual medical issues, outside of the previously mentioned depression/ADD whatever thing.
271. My baby brother is awesome at long as while I'm trying to push him back to the ground I don't trip over my own giraffe legs, thus landing on his legs...barely.
272. He was only a bit irritated, but only because he's had one knee replaced and both his ankles rebuilt from a hit he took from an IED.
273. The day I heard about him leaving Afghanistan, less than a month after he had been sent there, frightened the SHIT out of me!
274. I was 5 years old when he was born, and was his primary physical caregiver, my love for him is equal to the love I have for my own flesh and blood children.
275. Mikeal is only a slightly altered version of him - physically, mentally, etc. - so much so that I often call one by the other's name.
276. Last week was the first time I'd seen my brother in 28 months.
277. I got to meet his new wife, his 6 month old son, and one of his new sister-in-laws.
278. How awesome is it that his sister-in-law moved down from upstate New York, to North Carolina, to be their live-in babysitter?!
279. Another of his sister-in-laws will be moving down soon, so that they will have two live-in babysitters for when the new baby is born.
280. If I didn't know better I'd say my brother was some sort of pimp daddy. LMAO!
281. The necessity of having live-in babysitters comes from the fact that not only is Duke a Marine, but his wife, Amanda, is a Marine.
282. Another reason is they're going to have two babies, who will only be barely a year apart in age.
283. My sister's idea of 'helping' out when I was struggling as a single mother, was to harass, bully, and threaten me.
284. She wanted me to sign over my rights to Mikeal and let her have full legal & physical custody.
285. She didn't even care enough to let me ride in her vehicle, much less maybe open her home up to her sister who was living on random couches with a toddler.
286. I did let Mikeal stay with her for a few weeks so that I could get a job, within walking distance of where I was staying, and save up some money to get myself reestablished.
287. I pray that she never has to go through anything close to what I have had to live through, she wouldn't survive.
288. I'm going to digress from my current line of thought.
289. Wow, I'm almost at the end of this list.
290. I love to sew, knit, read, cook, bake, plan, take pictures, hike, garden, can food, freeze food, save money, and everything that revolves around my children and husband.
291. We are nearly debt free.
292. We have lived very well on less than $20,000 a year.
293. We have never done without something that we absolutely needed.
294. We're taking our first 'real' vacation this coming summer.
295. Of course we're going with a large group of friends (they're actually all family, but we've been adopted in).
296. We all are splitting the expenses so that we can all best afford to be able to go and enjoy ourselves.
297. I love my 8 year old son, Mikeal Alan Paul, born August 26, 2002.
298. I love my 3 year old daughter, Mikaila Jade, born December 13, 2007.
299. My husband is spectacular and I would not trade him in for anything.
300. I do love my life, past, present, and future, it has all gotten me to where I am now and I have no regrets.
301. Maybe I do regret playing the Mega Lottery once in a while...I understand a person can't win the lottery if they don't play.

So that's my nutshell. If you actually read the whole thing I'm shocked. No, I'm really not shocked, I wrote it all in hopes that you would read it. Now that it's completed I just have to publish it. Publishing posts is a weak point of mine. Especially such personal posts that mention things like my dad, my family dynamics, outside of the family I chose and gave birth to, and my personal flaws. Ok, I didn't really mention that many personal flaws...but maybe if I notice at number 400 that I'm at that number I'll include more flaws. Goodness, I hope I don't bore you with another list posting, especially a list post so incredibly lengthy.

In short I am incredibly blessed and thankful for living my life and am happy to share it with whomever is interested in reading about it.

Disclaimer: I reserve the right to create a new blog post based upon any comments submitted.

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