Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Ex-husband vent.

I'm needing to send my ex a letter of my intent to move....one of those things in our divorce decree, so that I can give him "adequate" time to file for a change of visitations, etc....either 30 before I move or up to ten days immediately after my move, whichever is most doable.

As it stands he's allowed visits on the 2nd Saturday of the month, under the supervision of a court mediator, between the hours of 2pm and 4pm. He also is not able to change the visitations from that until after he has participated in a divorce counseling seminar (judge's decree, I had to attend that too). So I'm not worried about my ex who won't show for court on child support matters to attempt to take me to court to change the visitations. Furthermore, my ex has only seen Mikeal TWICE since I left him when Mikeal was 13 months old....he's now 7 1/2. He saw Mikeal for a few hours during Easter when Mikeal was about 18 months old - my ex's adopted dad took Mikeal and I up to Kansas City to visit him hoping that I'd reconsider getting the divorce. And then he didn't see Mikeal again until he was 3 years old, and hasn't since. During this time my ex has also only sent 3 letters, and has made a few phone calls to my mom's house, or rather, had his mother call. Now, my ex-MIL started calling in early October of this past year, would call and talk to Mikeal on a regular basis...then stopped calling altogether, about the time my ex was picked up again on the failure to pay support...haven't heard anything from them since outside of the courtroom while my ex was sporting the county jumpsuit and silver bracelets.

BUT as a responsible, law abiding mother I am still required to do my part to inform my ex of where I'm going to be taking Mikeal.

I have to provide address, phone number (don't have one yet), and the reason for our move.

I haven't actually written one of these letters because prior to this move I thought I just had to update with the child support officers and the court, plus my ex was in either jail or a halfway house, and I'd just call his grandma (who absolutely hates him and his mother's side of the family for all the lies and stealing they've done to her) let his grandma know that I was moving, she'd in-turn tell her son (ex's bio father) and he's in turn tell ex's mother, and she'd tell ex...I'd know he got the message because I'd get a letter from him telling me what kind of horrible person I was for keeping him away from his son...as if his being in jail 600 miles away, BEFORE I moved another 600 miles down the road, didn't have anything to do with that anyways... But I found out today from my lawyer I have to send the notice to him since the protective order is no longer in place...it expired on Mikaila's first birthday and there hasn't been enough probable cause for the courts to renew it.

I really wouldn't even bother with sending a letter except for the fact his grandmother is in her 90s and she's already had to deal with physical assaults from him, threats, and the like, so I don't want her to be put in such a position, at least not because of something I told her and she passed along. She's a great lady, now that she knows I wasn't making up all the stuff I'd told them about my ex and my reasons for leaving him...my ex in a drunken state one evening, while living with her, went on and on about a lot of the things he'd done to me....prior to that everyone thought I was the horrible lying cheating whore he'd made me out to be, because there's no way that ex would ever do such things, he's made good money, he's the first one of that family to actually graduate high school, he'd never been arrested, and blah blah blah....VERY high marks for that family, let me tell you.

So my problem now is how do I go about writing this letter and then sending it so as to keep my ass covered with it all. His family is the sort that will use any chance they think they have to make life miserable for me...such as trying to bring me back to court to get custody of Mikeal...granted they haven't tried that since spending almost $20K to several different lawyers when Mikeal was 2 and the multiple judges laughed them all out of court, but still it worries me.

In also don't have an address for my ex...I have one for his mother and I think his bio father, but not for him personally...he hasn't lived at his sex offender registered address for at least a year, and it took the courts over 8 months to actually find him to arrest him, only to release him again.

My lawyer's secretary just said that I needed to send it certified mail, in the care of his mother to him and leave it at that. Again, I haven't talked to his mother since he beginning of November and then she claimed to have nothing to do with her son because he's tried multiple times to kill himself, she caught him shooting up in her house, so kicked him out, the like...yea, whatever, he probably just wouldn't share with her so she kicked him out, but that's something for another day...

Ugh...I'm so sick of trying to do right in this whole deal. I just want to be able to be rid of my ex and be able to live my life with my wonderful husband and children without having my ex always in the shadows of everything I do!

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