Thursday, February 25, 2010

About the recent court hearing.

First I must put a disclaimer here :

This is a very RAW post, I could use better language in it, but I'm very passionate about my loathing of my ex, there are things in this post that are quite shocking, most of you do not know the whole history of things, and it is in no way pretty and I'm not going to take the time to sugar coat it. This blog post is also a copy and paste job from a forum or two that I am a member of, forums of women that have been very supportive of me and my family, so this post will seem a bit irratic and a few bits do repeat themselves. Brian did make his own blog entry, from his point of view of the court hearings. Also be warned that I typed up the greatest portions while going on very little sleep after moving from Oklahoma to Tennessee. Just so you know, this blog post is NOT for the faint of heart or those easily offended by things such as the hard truth and foul language at times.

Posted on February 24th at 1am :
But not without starting the day off with a court circus. :banghead:

Court started at ex called to tell the judge he'd be late...he showed up around 11...meaning he didn't even leave his place until time for court to start. He brought with him what looked like either his pimp or drug dealer. :roll: We had to go talk to the mediator. :lmao: He kept trying to bring up all sorts of unrelavent junk...we were supposed to be negotiating the visitations. :lol: I FINALLY got a chance to say something without being interrupted ...ugh...and let the mediator know that we were moving to Tennessee, so that way before we got too far into the mediation we can work around that. My ex immediately spoke up asking if my husband was one of those men I had an orgy with :roflmao: I guess one of my old neighbors hallucinated walking in on me having an orgy in my living room at some point in time, IDK, anyways, that's how mediation kept going, every time I'd say something he'd pop in with something else of similar value...because my sex life after I left him really matters about him not visiting Mikeal... :confused: ...and then he went on about my if the fact that my dad was in prison for a while really matters about him visiting Mikeal :confused: ...anyways...It ended with my ex saying that he'd just give up his rights to Mikeal, he wants his parental rights terminated, he doesn't want to pay anymore child support, and is just okay with just paying half of the back support. :woot: :) I was all for all for it...he's not paid me much of anything for the last 6 years and Mikeal isn't any worse for the wear, so I really don't care, him requesting his rights to be terminated is AWESOME for we signed the papers...went before the judge. The judge rejected it because my ex has to pay a lawyer to draw up the proper legal paperwork to terminate his rights....My ex was all over going for that, promised the judge he'd have that done in no time. Fine...I really don't care. I don't even mind having to make the drive out there for court if I have to. :lmao: The judge then informed him that even if he has his rights terminated he's still responsible for paying child support until Mikeal is adopted. So I'm going to work this into our favor because Brian has every intention of adopting Mikeal, we've just had an issue getting my ex to agree to terminate his rights and the like, plus we've not had the extra $2500 to pay the lawyer for the adoption. I'm hoping to convince my ex that we'll drop 50-100% of all of the back child support if he'll have the paperwork drawn up for Brian to sign for the adoption. :cool:

There's more BS that went on in the courtroom, but I just finished what turned out to be an 11 hour drive, after two hours of court, after getting up at 7 this morning, so I'm not completely in my brain right now. :crazy: But we're at Chiney's place and going to sleep soon. :D

I also forgot to add in there that my ex kept going on that he has a new baby on the way...I feel BAD for the new gal... Mikeal was also in the courthouse & courtroom with us, but my ex, who kept going on and on about how much he wants to see his son, how much he loves him, etc he didn't so much as even LOOK at Mikeal. My ex went on about how he wanted to have nothing more to do with any of us because he has a new baby, so he'll just start over there. Mikeal made just one comment about it: "Does that mean I no longer officially have to be a Gilliam and I can be a Bonds?" How's that for going on and on about caring about your child and he didn't even have the balls or courtesy to even look at Mikeal. What a fucking DOUCHE!


Posted February 24th - 10am

I'm hoping that my ex's does actually follow through with getting a lawyer and having his rights terminated, and I'll even go so far as to negotiate with him if he'd have his lawyer to draw up the adoption...(maybe I said that already, I didn't go back and re-read my post)

Like I said the other day though, I've had smarter rocks in the soles of my shoes while I'd walk through the cow fields.

We did try to talk to Mikeal about it, I asked him how he felt about what his sperm donor had said...he just shrugged his shoulders, said he "didn't really care, he's not my real daddy" ... He and Brian are an awesome father/son combo and Brian's been there for Mikeal for the last 5+ years, even when he and I weren't even living together , sleeping together, and seeing other people he'd help me out with Mikeal. If one was to compare Brian to my ex, that'd be like comparing the Siberian Tundra to the beaches of Cancun, Brian being the beach.

Mikeal hasn't seen his sperm donor since he was just barely 3 years old, for a weekend, before that Mikeal was just past 2 years old when my ex's mother took off with him...and then he hadn't seen the SOB since I left him when Mikeal was 13 months old.

My ex even tried to tell the judge that yea he might of abused me and beat me he took great care of Mikeal, that I shouldn't still be holding it against him because that was back in 2003 and he's a changed man...changed like you change one pair of muddy socks for another pair. Hell, he had his drug dealer come to court with him. Then my ex threatened me that he'll just keep taking me to might cost us about $200 in gas and food to make the drive, not that big of a deal, especially where this is concerned, especially if he's paying his child support. Child support he still has to pay 100% of each and every month until Mikeal is adopted, without being late, for a minimum of 4 years or face going to jail for the remainder of that 4 years or having to pay the full amount owed before being released.

I just feel bad for the new chick because she'll wise up in time and be in my shoes, if she's smart.


Posted February 25th - 1am

Now, to be clear, he hasn't had his rights terminated yet. The judge ripped up and trashed the mediation agreement because for him to have his rights terminated he has to go through a lawyer and have the proper legal paperwork drawn up...we're hoping to be able to negotiate with his lawyer...if he actually gets one and follows through...for him to have the adoption paperwork ready to go at the same time that way we can be completely free and clear of it all. Otherwise my ex can still have his rights terminated, but he'd still owe child support and I'll still have to keep dealing with that all the time until we were able to get a lawyer paid and go through with the adoption, but for us to file for his rights to be terminated my ex has to go 12+ months solid of no contact and not paying the child support, JUST as we reach the end of that 12 month stint my ex actually pays something and pulls some sort of shit like what he did the other day. THe 12 months would of been up on the 24th...court was on the 23rd. :doh: Time before that same story almost, my ex actually paid something on the 11th month. We've been working on this whole termination & adoption for 2 years now, each time with my ex proclaiming to everyone how horribly I did him, left him while he was in jail, he didn't want the divorce, I did this, I did that, he doesn't know how to get in contact, etc...BUT at the same time they can call and harass my mother, they can call and harass me at my home, there for a while, but not ONCE did they (my ex or his mother) actually follow through with anything. My ex claims his mother is messed up on pills, his mother claims that he's shooting up heroin and the like, neither one of them are talking to the other, HOWEVER my exMIL quit calling and making Mikeal promises as soon as my ex went back to jail this last November. My exFIL would call and tell me how hard I was making life on my ex by not dropping the child support, that I'm ruining my ex's life. My exMIL would tell me the same story.

I just thought it was almost a riot that my ex stood there and told the judge that yes, he'd beat me and the like, but it was because I had an attitude with him, because he knew I'd do this shit to him, but he always treated Mikeal so well....I guess he doesn't remember throwing the TV at me while I was pregnant with a daughter because he didn't want any more children...I didn't try to get pg for a second time with him, I was a week late on getting my 2nd depo shot after having Mikeal, and ended up getting pg during that time because he'd raped me. He doesn't remember driving off drunk after knocking me out when Mikeal was just a few weeks old, taking Mikeal off in the middle of an ice storm with nothing on him but a onesie, then getting into a wreck...Mikeal wasn't even in a car seat. He doesn't remember dislocating my jaw and arm while I was holding Mikeal, in the rain, in September when Mikeal was barely a year old, because he'd thrown, then locked us out of the house. Yea, he was a real stand up "father"...

I hate him. I don't really have an unkind bone in my body, but I hate that sorry waste of oxygen with every ounce of fiber in my being. But I'm working on trying to be VERY civil and mature in this whole matter so that 1) I can sleep with a clean conscious 2)I can be around to take care of Mikeal 3)so that I can make sure I have his life so totally and completely fucked up, as legally as possible, and get what I want out of the whole deal in the end....for him to have all ties completely cut and completely absolutely out of our lives...I know I won't get that from them if I ask for it, I know I won't, which is why I had to excuse myself from the mediation to "talk to my husband about what he'd offered", mainly so I could regain composure and not be sitting there smiling from ear to ear wanting to jump for joy. :biggrin:

His karma will ALL catch back up to him. Once I'm able to get MY computer set back up, thing settled, unpacked, etc I'm going to make copies of his original arrest report, since he's still trying to convince everyone that all he did was pee or masturbate (depends on the day) in a laundromat of an apartment complex and a little girl walked in on him so after MY grandmother paid for his lawyer he ended up with a plea bargain of reduced charges and sentence. ...I found out 6 months into the trial the real story, otherwise I NEVER would of asked for my grandmother to help pay for his lawyer... :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: Where in actuality he'd seen a little girl, playing by herself in this complex, he was messed up on alcohol and meth, supposedly, he took the girl into the laundromat, closed the blinds, locked the door, and "stopped" himself before he did more than expose himself. :spya: Anyways, I am going to make copies of HIS typed and signed report of the whole incident and mail the copies to his mother, father, aunts, grandmother, etc. then hope that one or two of them actually have enough of a braincell in their heads to be able to read it and see what it says, not what he says he did, but actually what he did.

:banghead: I've been fuming over this whole matter for way too long, I'm just ready to be able to be 150% DONE with his sorry ass.

1 comment:

  1. ((hugs)) I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of that, but BELIEVE me you're doing the BEST thing for Mikeal. I LIVED with the coked out/methed out/drugged out father for the first 12 years of my life. It was hell. He beat the shit out of me for complete bullshit reasons (I walked too heavy upstairs while he was sleeping in the basement and pictures that DID.NOT.EXIST. fell on him). You all don't deserve to live through that shit. Mikeal is better off not being around that, believe me...I know.