Thursday, July 30, 2009

Child Support anyone?

I honestly don't see where the big deal lies in paying some child support. Okay, yes, I do agree there are some outlandish cases of where the payer is having to pay an outlandish amount, especially when the payee just sits around and lives off of the support paid and really does nothing in the way of providing support, themselves, thus decreasing the potential standard of living for the children they have custody of, such case is where I believe there should be a required minimum amount based upon cost of living, then anything the paying parent gives on top of that is bonus.

But that is not even the case where my ex-husband, the biological sperm donor of my son, is concerned. He is required to pay the state minimum, based upon minimum wage in 2006, which then was $5.15 an hour - so a requirement to pay $249 a month was made - honestly I think he was working at the time for some $8 an hour, but nonetheless, still QUITE reasonable, IMO. With minimum wage going up and up, this only means that his required payment amount will go up - higher cost of living = need for more money + higher wages so this should equal a greater ability to make this reasonable payment.

So back when first ordered, in March of 2006 my ex was to pay $249 a month. He screwed up again, thus causing himself to go back to jail from May of 2006 until November of 2008. He got himself a place to live and a job almost immediately upon getting out of jail that time. My child support case worker did an awesome job of tracking him down and his then employer. She sent out garnishment paperwork and his employer complied and started sending in his required payments. Payment received from garnishment in January...He quit his job mid-January because he claimed he couldn't pay his bills on what was left over - only 250 or so total was taken out of two of his checks.

He was ordered, in December 2008, to show up for court, every month, until he showed good faith that he was going to start making his payments each month. He did show for court in December and made a payment. Did not show for court in January, instead stated to my case worker, that he didn't think he needed to show because he was making payments... I didn't know that ONE payment counted as six months of good payment proof - but whatever. January he didn't send in payment, it was garnished. Then WAY at the very end of February he sent another payment - MAJOR shock for me. I mean come on! Three months in a row where payment was actually made, after almost three years of no payment - maybe he's grown up. You know, for being almost 40 now - I don't know, he's 36, something like that, born Nov 1973, anyways, ten years almost my senior - maybe he'd turned over a new leaf.

I'm still waiting on March's's only nearing August.

So a warrant was issued for his arrest, he was arrested in June.

He actually told the judge that he was working, and would start making payments, and was so sorry about not making payments...blah blah blah...she let him out on this "promise" with another promise to show up for court August 19th.

So I've been helping out my caseworker and I have been doing a bit of my own "investigating".

Found out that he didn't give the judge the full complete, correct address for his "employer"...and guess what, supposedly he's working for the same guy he was working for when we were married, so that means he's bringing home roughly $1500 a reasoning is there should be no reason why he can't spare just $250 a month for the current support....then there is the issue of over $10,000 in back support, but I'm not counting that right now, even though the judge did ask him to pay at least $40 a month on the back support, when he was before her in December.

Well, two weeks ago I was in the child support office, and talked to my landlord about some things - she works there in the office. There was a note on the case that he called in and said that he'd sent in a payment on the 11th of July. I understand I'm not some NASA certified genius, but today is the 30th...which means that check has had 20 days to go from his post office, which is 15 miles from the child support office from him, to the child support office, then be processed and added to my account. I think a snail could of made it already...

School does start in less than two weeks and that money would REALLY do me a lot of good and go a long way, but alas, it is not there. Go figure.

So I did something I haven't done since around the time Mikaila was born - I called Mikeal's great-grandma, my ex-husband's grandmother. She did NOT have one nice thing to say about him. See back when he first went to jail for the molestation and I was struggling, severely, as a single mother, she was very defensive of him, that I was the horrible wife for talking so horribly about him, that her grandson, the only one of her youngest son's 15 known children to actually graduate high school, and hadn't been arrested for anything drug related..and of course she believed everything he told her about his charges, that he just was peeing and a little girl walked in on him...yea.... It wasn't until after he got out of jail, then conned over $5,000 from her, admitted to her that he did beat me, did try to kill me, made several attempts to make me miscarry, and so forth. She since apologized to me, commends me for doing the right thing, has apologized soundly for him, and thinks its best for me to just keep him dropped like a hot lump of lead.

According to her he is NOT working. He has shown up on her doorstep numerous times, in the middle of the night, completely messed up, asking her for some money so he could make it back to where ever he's staying at and such. Messed up on you may ask? She's not totally sure, but knows that it's one of those white powdery ones that is smoked through a pipe. Just lovely. I have no worries about Mikeal as his sperm donor has made no attempt at a visit with him since March of 2004 - after a judge laughed him and his mother out of the courtroom while they were trying to get custody of Mikeal, before any divorce proceedings had even started.

So in my endeavors to make a solid case before the judge to prove not only his ineptitude but also that he is a liar I am confident that I have succeeded and am hoping that she actually keeps him in jail this time.

The child support payment really isn't all that big of a deal to me...I just hate living in fear that I might turn around some day and there be my ex standing there, or Mikeal be at school and the office folks slip up and let Mikeal go home with him, or that even my ex would happen to find out where I am living and just pick Mikeal up out of the yard, and worse. The better place for my ex is underground, but if that's not capable of happening, I'll feel better with him behind bars.

Court is on the 19th of August, wish me luck.


  1. It's low lives like this that make it harder on my child support paying, picking up his child for visitations, damn good father to his children husband. I'm sorry you have a deadbeat on your hands. I feel your pain though, T's sperm donor hasen't even met her, mind you I gave him that option years ago when she was 2 years old. She's now 13.

  2. A good friend of mine has two children he's required to pay support on...his MONTHLY child support payment was roughly $1500, due to his income and the scale they base it on. Plus he also paid for all their school activity needs and health insurance. Brian barely makes just over that in a month, so she was perfectly able to just sit around and do nothing and her second husband was able to work just barely to tie up the "loose ends" of her spending. We were finally able to show the judge that he had the kids roughly 195 days a year, which is more than 51% of the year, so his child support order was dropped...after three years of this being the case. THAT makes me sick.

    I don't care really, in all honesty, if my ex pays his court ordered support or not, but he refuses to sign over his parental rights, refuses to allow Brian to adopt Mikeal, refuses to help me get Mikeal's tribal registration done, and cries to the judge that I won't let him see Mikeal - but won't show up for the arranged visits per even the divorce decree - I mean surely it isn't that much of a hardship to go see your child for two hours each month...

    I feel bad for the fathers who actually try and bend over backwards to do all they can in regards to their children with court orders in the mix.