crazy, radical, weird, you name it...
A lot of people don't agree with my political stance on things, and thats fine, to each their own, I don't judge, I prefer not to be judged, but its all human nature.
Some political points of mine :
I don't believe in abortion, I think its a very disgusting thing and don't agree that anyone, regardless of the circumstance, should kill a child because of the inconvience of having said child. With that said, I know that abortions are going to happen whether they're legal or not, so I do think they should be allowed under the care of a licensed professional...namely under a doctor's care.
I do not believe homosexual relationships are moral, but people are going to do what they're going to do behind closed doors, so why not let them be subject to the laws of other married couples.
I do think this country is run by corporate business, regardless of what the popular vote it, all that matters in the end is whos side has the bigger dollar.
I do know that because of the actions of the current administration, we're headed into a deep depression. But the average American is not without blame. Too many people have lived too long beyond their means, living their whole lives off credit, nothing that they have in their possession is worth a tenth of what they paid for it, and yet they continue spending on credit, taking out ridiculous home loans, second mortgages, buying outlandish vehicles, and have wasted trillions by doing so. The economy is currently crashing, and everyone is looking to the government to bail them out and the government itself has maxed out its credit cards.
People have scorned me, looked down upon me, the like because I'm happy with my older, used vehicles that are paid off, and paid off with cash upon buying them. For the small TV that I own, the cheaper items I furnish my house in, the hand-me downs, the Wal-mart goods in my home, my closet, etc...all things paid for in full, with cash, as I had it. I'm looked at like I'm crazy when I state my plans of living in my small house, planting a large garden, opening my own "veggie stand", canning my own food, working with my neighbors to buy a cow or two, a pig or three, and also raising chickens, all so that I don't have to rely on buying such at the store. When it all crashes...and it will...I'm going to be the one standing on top, I have no real debt, everything in mine and my husband's possession is OURS...there was no credit cards used so we paid asking price and nothing else. We keep things simple, and see no need to have anything outside of our means. We can only watch one TV at a time, and a modest one is just as good as a fancy one, except the fancy huge one puts you into debt, and usually doesn't last as long, so there's no need in a fancy TV...and yet thats usually the first thing someone wants to show off in their home...their big fancy TV, stereo system, complete with multiple gaming systems, things that aren't going to matter in the end, they're going to be worthless. Things are only worth what someone is willing to pay for it, and thats always a hell of a lot less than what you paid for it, especially when its bought on credit.
The banking system is failing as well...all those laws and crap that were passed in the late 30s and early 40s...almost mean nothing now that we're sitting on the brink of another Great Depression, only this time its going to be much worse, people in the 30s knew how to get by during hard times, they didn't have all this credit accumulated, and it was rough for a few years, but it rebounded back...back to what we have today. Its an utter shame.
I feel sorry for people who actually believe that the government can pull us out of this "slump" that we're in...its not going to happen, not without a lot of sharp wake up calls. I expect that within 2 years Brian and I will be in the "higher class" of middle Americans. We're already debt free, none of our assests are part of the banking industry, we own it and it can't be taken away from us to take care of anything we have on credit...cause its all an assest.
I'm not just blowing smoke, its the reality that we're all being forced to face...one way or the other. High gas prices, quick inflation, government cover-ups, administration changes, stealing from Peter to pay Paul, and getting caught, is all it is.
Everyone needs to start taking personal responsibility...pay off your debt, quit buying things on credit, go back to the basics...sadly, for most, its already too late. Banks are being shut down, http://onlinejournal.com/artman/publish ... 3559.shtml.. --> m --> , lives are being ruined, we're in for a drastic change, you're not going to like it, its not going to be something the government can bail you out of. You're screwed.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
My Current Aggrevation
I've been fairly down lately, a lot of things bugging me and not much I can do about any of it.
My mother-in-law has a very bad heart, she saw her cardiologist here for the first time since moving here, on June 12th, he scheduled her for an angeogram the following Monday on the 16...follow-up for that is the 30th of June and shortly after that he'll be putting in a defibulator, pace maker, and something else, I can't think of right now...if she gets stressed out, gets a scare, anything, she can kill over. Doc told Brian that his momma only MIGHT have 3 months to live if she does not follow thru with his instructions and the surgery. Whats really fucked up is that Brian's brother may not learn of any of this because of his wife. His wife has done a great deal to tear that family to pieces...I mean seriously who really calls their mother on Mother's Day to bitch about how horrible of a mother she was and she's the reason that he's had 5 marriages and just unloaded a bunch of bullshit on her...ON Mother's Day...I'm sorry but thats just shitty. Not to mention a lot of the bullshit and drama that his wife has caused/started online.
Brian had been contacted by an ex-gf, a gal that may or may not of given birth to a child of Brian's. Brian's SIL proceeds to email said ex and tell her that we were planning on taking her to court to take her daughter away, regardless of her being Brian's or not...said ex then cut communication between herself and Brian, now we may never be able to find out either way for sure, even though its completely sworn that the girl is not Brian's, thats beside the point, Brian was there for this little girl for most of the mom's pregnancy and almost the full first year of her life before the mother took off and severed contact.
This doesn't even begin to tip the ice berg of bullshit this family has had to endure at the hands of this "Christian" pair.
I feel really bad that right now... things are so bad between the two brothers and the one brother and his mother, that even though anyday without warning their mother could kill over, they won't let him know...the really fucked up part of that is even if their mother or Brian was to call and let him know what was going on his wife would just insist that she's lying, faking, that Brian's playing into her drama, yada yada...and the brother would take his wife's side, regardless of any proof given.
I really want to make a trip out to Alabama to just bitchslap them both!!
My mother-in-law has a very bad heart, she saw her cardiologist here for the first time since moving here, on June 12th, he scheduled her for an angeogram the following Monday on the 16...follow-up for that is the 30th of June and shortly after that he'll be putting in a defibulator, pace maker, and something else, I can't think of right now...if she gets stressed out, gets a scare, anything, she can kill over. Doc told Brian that his momma only MIGHT have 3 months to live if she does not follow thru with his instructions and the surgery. Whats really fucked up is that Brian's brother may not learn of any of this because of his wife. His wife has done a great deal to tear that family to pieces...I mean seriously who really calls their mother on Mother's Day to bitch about how horrible of a mother she was and she's the reason that he's had 5 marriages and just unloaded a bunch of bullshit on her...ON Mother's Day...I'm sorry but thats just shitty. Not to mention a lot of the bullshit and drama that his wife has caused/started online.
Brian had been contacted by an ex-gf, a gal that may or may not of given birth to a child of Brian's. Brian's SIL proceeds to email said ex and tell her that we were planning on taking her to court to take her daughter away, regardless of her being Brian's or not...said ex then cut communication between herself and Brian, now we may never be able to find out either way for sure, even though its completely sworn that the girl is not Brian's, thats beside the point, Brian was there for this little girl for most of the mom's pregnancy and almost the full first year of her life before the mother took off and severed contact.
This doesn't even begin to tip the ice berg of bullshit this family has had to endure at the hands of this "Christian" pair.
I feel really bad that right now... things are so bad between the two brothers and the one brother and his mother, that even though anyday without warning their mother could kill over, they won't let him know...the really fucked up part of that is even if their mother or Brian was to call and let him know what was going on his wife would just insist that she's lying, faking, that Brian's playing into her drama, yada yada...and the brother would take his wife's side, regardless of any proof given.
I really want to make a trip out to Alabama to just bitchslap them both!!
A Bit of a History Lesson about Me.
My second marriage was completely awful, not only on the part of my husband, but also his mother's side of the family. They are all beyond the scum of the earth IMO.
I met my ex while going thru a drunken oblivious depressed time in my life and I was only 19, I'd already moved away from home ((4 hours away)) and anyways, it was just a really bad time both in my family & my personal life. ((This plays in a little later, kinda)).
To say the least I was not in a good frame of judgment whatsoever. My ex was fun in the manner that he was always buying the booze, I was underage, I drank at least a 12 pack & 1/2 a fifth of something every night and still maintained at least two jobs consistently. 9/11 happened, I went to NY for a few months, came back for a visit mid-November for ex's birthday...wound up preg with Mikeal. I came back to Arkansas mid-December. His boss was fixing to transfer him to Indiana and I wanted to go with him, he had been a constant figure in my life during this time, I thought I was in love :roll: . I took a preg test on Christmas evening...came up +, we packed the U-Haul the next day. He was completely excited over me being preg...until he realized I wasn't drinking anymore, and I started noticing just what kind of :asshat: he was. He became increasingly violent towards me, fracturing my eye socket once and other such injuries. I was stupid and naive for too long of a time believing all his promises to quit drinking, to get help, etc. I gave him chance after chance, only to be met with failure. :doh:
I also had to endure hearing about how he just knows that Mikeal wasn't his, that I was screwing around on him in NY and that it was a bi-racial baby ((although thats not the word he used)) because my first husband who was previously killed in a wreck was bi-racial... :roll: and once you go black you don't go back...according to his mother. I was also constantly being compared to his mother, how much of a slut his mom was, and how I'm just like her cause I have red hair and am "heavy set" and have been with a bi-racial man, also that I was no where near as good as his mom. When she vacuums all the lines go the same way...a kitchen/bathroom isn't clean if there are water spots on the faucets...etc.
I endured all that. When Mikeal was about 3/4 months old ((around mid-December)) I ended up preg again, I was on the depo shot this time. ((because of the assult I'd received during my pregnancy with Mikeal I did not tell anyone about this pregnancy, I was too scared at this point)) On New Years Eve my ex was working in an apartment complex, he was a door to door salesman, he saw a 5 year old little girl playing there, obviously unsupervised, & lead her into the laundry room for..well...you can guess. The cops figured out who he was fortunately a few days later and he was charged with indecent exposure and some sort of imprisonment charge for the door being closed. He told me that he was peeing and the girl walked in on him, with the door shutting behind her...
I believed his story because I just never thought he'd be the type, and his charged fit the story he gave me...none of the officers, lawyers, etc told me any different either in the beginning. We were 7 months into the trial before I find out the truth. His words were "I've never been with a woman smaller than me so I thought I'd see what it was like"...((I'm 6' tall, he's 5'8")) he did not follow through with it, just exposed himself, both in his story and the story of the girl.
Around this time we're living in a house owned by his aunt as I'm still not "allowed" to work and he's not able to get/keep decent employment because of his drinking & later found out meth habit. I end up losing the baby I was pregnant with during one of his drunken meth enforced rampages. ((he never believed me when I tried telling him I was preg, and I never told my family because I knew I'd just be further critized, I kept hoping that the trial would wrap up soon and I could be free of him)) I started devising a plan to completely screw him over every way possible. He was going to prison soon and I was going to have every opportunity to play my cards then.
And I did. I spent the next two months, after losing the baby plotting and lying my ass off. I convinced him that I cared for him, that I was going to be there when he got out of prison, yada yada, he was just given 4 months wtih 4 years probation. ((at this time my mom was still dealing with things and I couldn't go live with her as both my brothers, my one brother's girlfriend and their baby, I had no other family at that time to turn to, nor anymore friends because of my ex))
A friend of my ex had some apartments and so rented one to me mainly in exchange for doing work around her properties, I was just working as a waitress at a nowhere cafe, and because of his drinking and meth habits we had no money whatsoever. He went to prison in September. I wrote him a letter the first of October telling him that I was going to be getting a divorce and that I never wanted to see him again. Things went way downhill from there. In November I quit my waitressing job because of the indecent proposals of my boss, I took up work at a bar, I started drinking again :doh: . My neighbor babysat Mikeal, even when I was home, they would beg me to let them adopt him. I got fired from the bar job, so took up work right next to the bar I liked, and drank before driving the 30 miles home. I was back in my old habits. I was dealing with myself fighting with the idea that I had to get a divorce, that things were never going to get any better, and my moral conscience that told me divorce was wrong.
In January my ex got out of prison and I would not sign the papers for him to come back, he went to a halfway house, all his family members are felons or had felons living with them, so he couldn't move in with any of them. My heavy drinking went on from November until mid-May. I'd found myself basically homeless ((living with a guy & his wife that I'd met at the bar)), without a vehicle ((the one I'd bought died completely on me)), & again without a job.
I'd moved out of the apartment without paying the last two months rent, the lease was not in my name so I intentionally broke it, and the landlady had turned into a royal b*tch, because I was leaving my ex. Both the truck and the van were in his name, I quit making the payments on them all together so they were repo-ed. I also pawned my wedding set for less than 1/4 of its worth and sent him the receipt after the 90 day claim was up. Just to name a few of the things I did to him.
((This is not the kidnapping))
Mother's Day 2004 my depression had reached its brink, I decided it was time to either shape up or ship out. I called CPS on myself, made them take Mikeal from me & asked that they give me a plan to work to get myself straighten up before they let me have him back. They didn't see my situation as badly as I did and so had my son go live with my xMIL, telling me that when I thought I was able to take care of him I can go pick him up, CPS had no further involvement, except to get my xMIL set up with emergency housing, she was one of the felons living with her sister, got her set up with food stamps, the works, even helped her buy a car. I got a job a few blocks from where I was staying, working 60-90 hours a week, quit drinking, saved up my money, finally got enough to put a deposit on an apartment of my own and was buying a truck.
My xILs started causing me major problems around this time, they did not want me to have Mikeal back, period. They started a fire in my truck while I was at work, my insurance did not cover it. They started sparatically lodging complaints about me to my employer, causing her to cut my hours, then eventually firing me cause of the drama they were causing in the dining area. It had only been two months. I had started chatting in a chat room during this time to keep me from going to the bar out of boredom. I met a really great guy who lived in Austin, and was planning on moving there at some point anyways, he offered for me to rent a room in his house in exchange for being a nanny. I did background checks, etc, he completely checked out, but I still didn't know him personally, but I was willing to go for it, it was a chance to get away from my xILs. I told my xMIL that I was going to be going to my mom's for the weekend, and after that would be back. I already made sure with the lady I'd called at CPS that I was legit in taking my son back, my ILs were refusing to even let me see him at this point. I moved to Austin mid-August, Mikeal turned two the end of August. ((I met Brian Labor Day weekend here))
In September I was served papers to go to court, my ILs were trying to get custody of Mikeal. I went to court, the judge all but laughed her out of the court room. The same thing happened in October. Before the judge I agreed upon week's visit. They were supposed to take Mikeal to go see his sperm donor in Kansas City, yada yada. I lived 8 hours south of them, the ILs being in Tulsa, I being in Austin, and ex being in KC. I came back a week later and she'd moved out of the apartment, and all of her relatives claimed they had no idea where she was. I tried filing kidnapping charges, but because I had nothing in writing from a judge and my divorce was still not final I had no ground to stand on, so long as the sperm donor said it was ok for them to have Mikeal I was screwed, unless Mikeal was able to be in my sight and right there.
Friends of mine that I'd met during my drinking time, most of whom also knew the type of scum my ex and family are, kept watch out for Mikeal at different places that my xILs lived. January 8th I got a call at 2 in the afternoon that they'd seen him and that they'd be following her if she left the house she was at until I got there. I was flat broke as it was two days before payday. It took me less than 1 hour to scrounge up roughly $200 and someone to go with me to help me drive and be back up to call the cops just in case.
I got there not long after 10 pm....I never knew before then that my car had wings and that not all cops are jerks. I showed up at their door, and there he was. I calmly stated that I was taking Mikeal with me and asked that they get his clothes, toys, etc, so I could take them with me. Everything was fine until I picked him to actually leave. Then I had 3 women 3x my size jump me, I lost a chunk of hair, my face was scratched up, I was fairly bruised, but held my own. They did manage to get Mikeal away from me and locked him in a back bedroom. My friend out in the car called the cops for me and after about two hours of dealing with all that the cops convinced me to not file charges and to just go to Texas and forget Oklahoma ever existed. They tried for another 6 months to get Mikeal from me. After getting Mikeal back home with me we noticed he had severely regressed, as he was no longer potty trained, he has SEVERE night terrors, and was no longer the uber sweet little boy he had been prior to all this. Its been almost 4 years and he still occasionally has the night terrors and bad flashbacks of living with them.
I moved back to Oklahoma a year after leaving so that I could save a ton of money on my divorce by living in the same state as my ex, as he'd moved back to Tulsa. My divorce was quick and painless for me finally. That family is only allowed 2 hour supervised visits on the second Saturday of the month. My divorce has been final since this past Friday, June 13th, for two years, and not a single one of them have even so much as sent him a birthday card, letter, phone call, nothing.
In some ways I'm glad that they are not still trying to harass me, but on the same token, that is Mikeal's family, and one day he is going to want to know them. But in the meantime he is completely happy to have his daddy that he knows, the man thats been there through so much of all of this with both of us. :heart: Brian.
I met my ex while going thru a drunken oblivious depressed time in my life and I was only 19, I'd already moved away from home ((4 hours away)) and anyways, it was just a really bad time both in my family & my personal life. ((This plays in a little later, kinda)).
To say the least I was not in a good frame of judgment whatsoever. My ex was fun in the manner that he was always buying the booze, I was underage, I drank at least a 12 pack & 1/2 a fifth of something every night and still maintained at least two jobs consistently. 9/11 happened, I went to NY for a few months, came back for a visit mid-November for ex's birthday...wound up preg with Mikeal. I came back to Arkansas mid-December. His boss was fixing to transfer him to Indiana and I wanted to go with him, he had been a constant figure in my life during this time, I thought I was in love :roll: . I took a preg test on Christmas evening...came up +, we packed the U-Haul the next day. He was completely excited over me being preg...until he realized I wasn't drinking anymore, and I started noticing just what kind of :asshat: he was. He became increasingly violent towards me, fracturing my eye socket once and other such injuries. I was stupid and naive for too long of a time believing all his promises to quit drinking, to get help, etc. I gave him chance after chance, only to be met with failure. :doh:
I also had to endure hearing about how he just knows that Mikeal wasn't his, that I was screwing around on him in NY and that it was a bi-racial baby ((although thats not the word he used)) because my first husband who was previously killed in a wreck was bi-racial... :roll: and once you go black you don't go back...according to his mother. I was also constantly being compared to his mother, how much of a slut his mom was, and how I'm just like her cause I have red hair and am "heavy set" and have been with a bi-racial man, also that I was no where near as good as his mom. When she vacuums all the lines go the same way...a kitchen/bathroom isn't clean if there are water spots on the faucets...etc.
I endured all that. When Mikeal was about 3/4 months old ((around mid-December)) I ended up preg again, I was on the depo shot this time. ((because of the assult I'd received during my pregnancy with Mikeal I did not tell anyone about this pregnancy, I was too scared at this point)) On New Years Eve my ex was working in an apartment complex, he was a door to door salesman, he saw a 5 year old little girl playing there, obviously unsupervised, & lead her into the laundry room for..well...you can guess. The cops figured out who he was fortunately a few days later and he was charged with indecent exposure and some sort of imprisonment charge for the door being closed. He told me that he was peeing and the girl walked in on him, with the door shutting behind her...
I believed his story because I just never thought he'd be the type, and his charged fit the story he gave me...none of the officers, lawyers, etc told me any different either in the beginning. We were 7 months into the trial before I find out the truth. His words were "I've never been with a woman smaller than me so I thought I'd see what it was like"...((I'm 6' tall, he's 5'8")) he did not follow through with it, just exposed himself, both in his story and the story of the girl.
Around this time we're living in a house owned by his aunt as I'm still not "allowed" to work and he's not able to get/keep decent employment because of his drinking & later found out meth habit. I end up losing the baby I was pregnant with during one of his drunken meth enforced rampages. ((he never believed me when I tried telling him I was preg, and I never told my family because I knew I'd just be further critized, I kept hoping that the trial would wrap up soon and I could be free of him)) I started devising a plan to completely screw him over every way possible. He was going to prison soon and I was going to have every opportunity to play my cards then.
And I did. I spent the next two months, after losing the baby plotting and lying my ass off. I convinced him that I cared for him, that I was going to be there when he got out of prison, yada yada, he was just given 4 months wtih 4 years probation. ((at this time my mom was still dealing with things and I couldn't go live with her as both my brothers, my one brother's girlfriend and their baby, I had no other family at that time to turn to, nor anymore friends because of my ex))
A friend of my ex had some apartments and so rented one to me mainly in exchange for doing work around her properties, I was just working as a waitress at a nowhere cafe, and because of his drinking and meth habits we had no money whatsoever. He went to prison in September. I wrote him a letter the first of October telling him that I was going to be getting a divorce and that I never wanted to see him again. Things went way downhill from there. In November I quit my waitressing job because of the indecent proposals of my boss, I took up work at a bar, I started drinking again :doh: . My neighbor babysat Mikeal, even when I was home, they would beg me to let them adopt him. I got fired from the bar job, so took up work right next to the bar I liked, and drank before driving the 30 miles home. I was back in my old habits. I was dealing with myself fighting with the idea that I had to get a divorce, that things were never going to get any better, and my moral conscience that told me divorce was wrong.
In January my ex got out of prison and I would not sign the papers for him to come back, he went to a halfway house, all his family members are felons or had felons living with them, so he couldn't move in with any of them. My heavy drinking went on from November until mid-May. I'd found myself basically homeless ((living with a guy & his wife that I'd met at the bar)), without a vehicle ((the one I'd bought died completely on me)), & again without a job.
I'd moved out of the apartment without paying the last two months rent, the lease was not in my name so I intentionally broke it, and the landlady had turned into a royal b*tch, because I was leaving my ex. Both the truck and the van were in his name, I quit making the payments on them all together so they were repo-ed. I also pawned my wedding set for less than 1/4 of its worth and sent him the receipt after the 90 day claim was up. Just to name a few of the things I did to him.
((This is not the kidnapping))
Mother's Day 2004 my depression had reached its brink, I decided it was time to either shape up or ship out. I called CPS on myself, made them take Mikeal from me & asked that they give me a plan to work to get myself straighten up before they let me have him back. They didn't see my situation as badly as I did and so had my son go live with my xMIL, telling me that when I thought I was able to take care of him I can go pick him up, CPS had no further involvement, except to get my xMIL set up with emergency housing, she was one of the felons living with her sister, got her set up with food stamps, the works, even helped her buy a car. I got a job a few blocks from where I was staying, working 60-90 hours a week, quit drinking, saved up my money, finally got enough to put a deposit on an apartment of my own and was buying a truck.
My xILs started causing me major problems around this time, they did not want me to have Mikeal back, period. They started a fire in my truck while I was at work, my insurance did not cover it. They started sparatically lodging complaints about me to my employer, causing her to cut my hours, then eventually firing me cause of the drama they were causing in the dining area. It had only been two months. I had started chatting in a chat room during this time to keep me from going to the bar out of boredom. I met a really great guy who lived in Austin, and was planning on moving there at some point anyways, he offered for me to rent a room in his house in exchange for being a nanny. I did background checks, etc, he completely checked out, but I still didn't know him personally, but I was willing to go for it, it was a chance to get away from my xILs. I told my xMIL that I was going to be going to my mom's for the weekend, and after that would be back. I already made sure with the lady I'd called at CPS that I was legit in taking my son back, my ILs were refusing to even let me see him at this point. I moved to Austin mid-August, Mikeal turned two the end of August. ((I met Brian Labor Day weekend here))
In September I was served papers to go to court, my ILs were trying to get custody of Mikeal. I went to court, the judge all but laughed her out of the court room. The same thing happened in October. Before the judge I agreed upon week's visit. They were supposed to take Mikeal to go see his sperm donor in Kansas City, yada yada. I lived 8 hours south of them, the ILs being in Tulsa, I being in Austin, and ex being in KC. I came back a week later and she'd moved out of the apartment, and all of her relatives claimed they had no idea where she was. I tried filing kidnapping charges, but because I had nothing in writing from a judge and my divorce was still not final I had no ground to stand on, so long as the sperm donor said it was ok for them to have Mikeal I was screwed, unless Mikeal was able to be in my sight and right there.
Friends of mine that I'd met during my drinking time, most of whom also knew the type of scum my ex and family are, kept watch out for Mikeal at different places that my xILs lived. January 8th I got a call at 2 in the afternoon that they'd seen him and that they'd be following her if she left the house she was at until I got there. I was flat broke as it was two days before payday. It took me less than 1 hour to scrounge up roughly $200 and someone to go with me to help me drive and be back up to call the cops just in case.
I got there not long after 10 pm....I never knew before then that my car had wings and that not all cops are jerks. I showed up at their door, and there he was. I calmly stated that I was taking Mikeal with me and asked that they get his clothes, toys, etc, so I could take them with me. Everything was fine until I picked him to actually leave. Then I had 3 women 3x my size jump me, I lost a chunk of hair, my face was scratched up, I was fairly bruised, but held my own. They did manage to get Mikeal away from me and locked him in a back bedroom. My friend out in the car called the cops for me and after about two hours of dealing with all that the cops convinced me to not file charges and to just go to Texas and forget Oklahoma ever existed. They tried for another 6 months to get Mikeal from me. After getting Mikeal back home with me we noticed he had severely regressed, as he was no longer potty trained, he has SEVERE night terrors, and was no longer the uber sweet little boy he had been prior to all this. Its been almost 4 years and he still occasionally has the night terrors and bad flashbacks of living with them.
I moved back to Oklahoma a year after leaving so that I could save a ton of money on my divorce by living in the same state as my ex, as he'd moved back to Tulsa. My divorce was quick and painless for me finally. That family is only allowed 2 hour supervised visits on the second Saturday of the month. My divorce has been final since this past Friday, June 13th, for two years, and not a single one of them have even so much as sent him a birthday card, letter, phone call, nothing.
In some ways I'm glad that they are not still trying to harass me, but on the same token, that is Mikeal's family, and one day he is going to want to know them. But in the meantime he is completely happy to have his daddy that he knows, the man thats been there through so much of all of this with both of us. :heart: Brian.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
I have not been THIS...
...entertained in quite sometime. My son has a flashlight that also has an LCD pinpoint light.
I decided to get it out to play with the kitten, Piston, make her chase it around a little, see what she thought of it. She was not interested and walked off.
Our beagle/pit puppy...DipStick...who is the shortest stockiest dog I've ever known...took to chasing this light. She chased it for a good 30 minutes, back and forth through the living room, kitchen, and dining room, just as hard and fast as her short stubby legs would carry her.
Now during this Mikaila, who's kinda got the idea of how to crawl...forward, is watching this stubby dog chase this light and is just laughing her heart out.
After a little while the dog just gives out, wore her out completely, not even the energy left to walk more than two steps.
At this point Piston comes back into the picture, she sits there and watches with this look on her face like "you're one dumb dog, doing all this running and not catching the light". Piston sits there, analyzes her attack then goes after it, l.a.z.i.l.y.
So I'm having to hold the light still a little longer for Piston to keep even the slightest interest.
Mikaila then reaches out for the light as its not far from her. She's a little shy of the light, so she takes a few crawls FORWARD! She's crawled sideways and backwards, has tried forward, but only has succeeded in going forward by way of belly flops.
Piston by this time has lost interest in the light.
So I go to move the light forward in front of Mikaila, just a couple of inches. She is now "chasing" the light. She proceeds to go after the light...forward, on her hands and knees...all the way across my living room...roughly 10 feet in one direction...turns around and follows it back the other direction, before becoming sidetracked with DipStick laying in the floor just plain tuckered out.
I don't think I've laughed so hard in quite some time.
Short stubby dog chasing the light with all her might...kitten lazily going after the light very thoughtfully...then Mikaila, seeing all the fun those two were having decides to see what all the fuss is about as she just spent the last 45 minutes laughing at the other two.
Had I thought I would of been so entertained and it would of gone the way it did I would of considered video taping it.
I decided to get it out to play with the kitten, Piston, make her chase it around a little, see what she thought of it. She was not interested and walked off.
Our beagle/pit puppy...DipStick...who is the shortest stockiest dog I've ever known...took to chasing this light. She chased it for a good 30 minutes, back and forth through the living room, kitchen, and dining room, just as hard and fast as her short stubby legs would carry her.
Now during this Mikaila, who's kinda got the idea of how to crawl...forward, is watching this stubby dog chase this light and is just laughing her heart out.
After a little while the dog just gives out, wore her out completely, not even the energy left to walk more than two steps.
At this point Piston comes back into the picture, she sits there and watches with this look on her face like "you're one dumb dog, doing all this running and not catching the light". Piston sits there, analyzes her attack then goes after it, l.a.z.i.l.y.
So I'm having to hold the light still a little longer for Piston to keep even the slightest interest.
Mikaila then reaches out for the light as its not far from her. She's a little shy of the light, so she takes a few crawls FORWARD! She's crawled sideways and backwards, has tried forward, but only has succeeded in going forward by way of belly flops.
Piston by this time has lost interest in the light.
So I go to move the light forward in front of Mikaila, just a couple of inches. She is now "chasing" the light. She proceeds to go after the light...forward, on her hands and knees...all the way across my living room...roughly 10 feet in one direction...turns around and follows it back the other direction, before becoming sidetracked with DipStick laying in the floor just plain tuckered out.
I don't think I've laughed so hard in quite some time.
Short stubby dog chasing the light with all her might...kitten lazily going after the light very thoughtfully...then Mikaila, seeing all the fun those two were having decides to see what all the fuss is about as she just spent the last 45 minutes laughing at the other two.
Had I thought I would of been so entertained and it would of gone the way it did I would of considered video taping it.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Grateful for you
Most of you have known me for quite sometime...some since high school, others of you for about the last four years, and a few even I've only known *online* for the last couple of months.
In some way everyone of you have been an influence in my life, and I hold out hope that maybe in some way I've influenced something in your life...even if all it happened to be was not to drink that next shot.
I'm not going to go into the details, but I would like each of you to know that I appreciate all of it...both the negatives and the positives.
One gal in particular...you know who you are...I never would of thought that four years ago we would of ever gotten past your horrible thoughts of me and the kind of *mooch* you thought I was, but it was because of your negatives about me that pushed me to prove you wrong, had it not been for that who knows, I might of very well of lived up to your expectations of me. You've helped mold me into the person I am now. I didn't know you from a brick in the wall, but at that time you proved to be a great value to me, you absolutely hated my guts and had every right to, and its because of that that I was able to get as far as I did as quickly as I did, and now...girl I think absolutely the world of you and love you very much. You have been there for me, pushing me, regardless of what direction you wanted me to go, I've made it, and I could not of ever done it without you! I also don't think that you realize the real impact you've made on my life.
Four years ago I was ready to give up on life and living, I started my *online* social life and started talking to a friend of yours, it pissed you off to no end, and you weren't shy about letting me know it either. You stated a lot of truths about me at that time and it hurt me to no end, to actually have someone slap me in the face with a sharp dose of reality. THANK YOU! You gained so much of my respect from doing such and I can never be able to express to you just how much it meant to me, and still means to me even to this day. You saved my life in those days, honestly.
I am so glad that despite all that we were able to build a friendship that means the world to me. I also believe that some of your push has also helped Brian in his goals to be who he's become over the last *almost* year. You've touched our lives for the better, and because of that we're able to provide a great life for our kiddos, and I am eternally grateful for those first few boulder throwing months you dished out.
**deep breath**
I just wanted you to know that we both love you very much!!
In some way everyone of you have been an influence in my life, and I hold out hope that maybe in some way I've influenced something in your life...even if all it happened to be was not to drink that next shot.
I'm not going to go into the details, but I would like each of you to know that I appreciate all of it...both the negatives and the positives.
One gal in particular...you know who you are...I never would of thought that four years ago we would of ever gotten past your horrible thoughts of me and the kind of *mooch* you thought I was, but it was because of your negatives about me that pushed me to prove you wrong, had it not been for that who knows, I might of very well of lived up to your expectations of me. You've helped mold me into the person I am now. I didn't know you from a brick in the wall, but at that time you proved to be a great value to me, you absolutely hated my guts and had every right to, and its because of that that I was able to get as far as I did as quickly as I did, and now...girl I think absolutely the world of you and love you very much. You have been there for me, pushing me, regardless of what direction you wanted me to go, I've made it, and I could not of ever done it without you! I also don't think that you realize the real impact you've made on my life.
Four years ago I was ready to give up on life and living, I started my *online* social life and started talking to a friend of yours, it pissed you off to no end, and you weren't shy about letting me know it either. You stated a lot of truths about me at that time and it hurt me to no end, to actually have someone slap me in the face with a sharp dose of reality. THANK YOU! You gained so much of my respect from doing such and I can never be able to express to you just how much it meant to me, and still means to me even to this day. You saved my life in those days, honestly.
I am so glad that despite all that we were able to build a friendship that means the world to me. I also believe that some of your push has also helped Brian in his goals to be who he's become over the last *almost* year. You've touched our lives for the better, and because of that we're able to provide a great life for our kiddos, and I am eternally grateful for those first few boulder throwing months you dished out.
**deep breath**
I just wanted you to know that we both love you very much!!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Full Panic
So I was on my way home from my mom's earlier (about a 10 mile trip) and this truck comes out of nowhere seriously tailgating me. It was a little after 9pm, so it is pitch black, but this dude was riding on my ass! I couldn't even see his headlights most of the time. I didn't even really pay that much attention while going through town otherwise I would of likely just pulled into the police station parking lot where I saw the town's fav cop just pulling it...anyways, I go through the next stop sign where the jerk is still on my tail, make my left hand turn, then an almost immediate right...dude is still rightonmyass! I'm mildly starting to freak out at this time, both Mikeal and Mikaila were in the van with me and Brian was still another 7 miles down the road, at home. In the past I would of brushed this off to being just a random drunk riding my ass, but with the things going on with my nephews, and the fact that my ex-husband called my mom the other day ((he's supposed to be getting out of prison soon if he hasn't already)) I've been kinda on edge. We are now on the highway 65 mph...dude is still rightonmyass, still can't see his headlights very often is how close he is. He is in a Ford dually quad cab pick-up, by no means a small vehicle, and he won't back off, I tried flashing my brakes, speeding up, slowing down. Its pitch black, bad cell reception, with my two small children in the van with me. I try calling 911, but because of the bad reception I have problems getting the info across then I hit dead cell service area. About another 2 miles down the road there is a passing zone and he does go around me, and then is GONE, I tried keeping up just enough to get a look at his tags but couldn't even get close enough to even know what state they were out of, as I live on the border of 3 states. I was majorly freaked out!
Brian comforted me by assuring me that I was home and was safe and that if it was someone trying to harass me than they'd have to go through him. Mikeal was such a great kid...he was wanting a snack--hotdogs--and I hadn't had dinner, so I threw some for both of us in the microwave. Mikaila started screaming for a bottle to go to bed on, so I started tending to her, she's not the patient sort...anyways, while I was trying to get all that taken care of and Brian was occupied the hotdogs finished in the microwave...This is the best part...Mikeal not only got them out, put his on bread with ketchup, but also did mine too, brought them to me and was just so sweet about the whole thing. I was still shaking from the incident that happened on our way home....hell I'm still slightly shaking and tis been 3 hours! It just un-nerved me so badly, had a deer decided to be in the road or someone's cow been in the middle of the road like they are occasionally...we'd all be toast, that truck could of never of stopped in time...and ugh!! Drivers just really annoy me!!
Brian comforted me by assuring me that I was home and was safe and that if it was someone trying to harass me than they'd have to go through him. Mikeal was such a great kid...he was wanting a snack--hotdogs--and I hadn't had dinner, so I threw some for both of us in the microwave. Mikaila started screaming for a bottle to go to bed on, so I started tending to her, she's not the patient sort...anyways, while I was trying to get all that taken care of and Brian was occupied the hotdogs finished in the microwave...This is the best part...Mikeal not only got them out, put his on bread with ketchup, but also did mine too, brought them to me and was just so sweet about the whole thing. I was still shaking from the incident that happened on our way home....hell I'm still slightly shaking and tis been 3 hours! It just un-nerved me so badly, had a deer decided to be in the road or someone's cow been in the middle of the road like they are occasionally...we'd all be toast, that truck could of never of stopped in time...and ugh!! Drivers just really annoy me!!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
For the time being...
...my nephews are going to be living in a therapeutic foster home. It was not a decision made lightly, and has taken several months to reach this conclusion. I cannot keep putting my 5 month old in danger, just because I am too stubborn to admit that they need more attention and help than I'm able to offer. They think its normal and fine to treat a baby like a rag doll. One of them had kneed her in the head while they were being watched by someone else while we were at a class. Another time while I was in the bathroom for a quick piss I came back to find her with the blanket wrapped around her head. Other times I can be sitting right here and they will try knocking her bouncy chair over just walking by her. These boys are not right, and I have not had the proper training yet on how to handle such behavior. We will be continuing the classes and hope that after we have finished with the classes and the boys have had some time to be adjusted to having a schedule to their days and constructive discipline, without putting my biological children at risk. We will still be having an active part in both their lives and will be active in the decisions made on their behalf. There is a lot more involved than just simply stating that we think something else needs to be done about their living arrangements. There are a number of case workers, lawyers, a judge, teachers, counselors and numerous family members all involved with every one of these decisions. I was able to speak to the new foster mother today and she works at the counseling center and has a great deal of experience with such cases. I have no doubt we made the right decision, regardless of how utterly disheartening it is to make. Brian and I will be continuing the classes as well as will be getting more education on how to both deal with and address such problems in the future and will be looking forward to the day that we are able to take care of them in the way that benefits them the most!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)